Why Can't You Behave?

That's the title of the Ella Fitzgerald song playing on my Pandora Radio station just now...Been staring at this screen for a few days now, thinking, "write, write!" but I've nothing to say...Careful, I may actually convince myself of that! The mind decides...

Boys. The small boy at home, the BF, all of the boys in the world. Men? Not a one. Why? Again, the mind decides...

The boss wanted to have a talk with me about stuff. Not quite sure what was said. She asked me to stop yelling at her boyfriend's dog. I should at least do that for her, but I still hate her boyfriend. HATE him! Can't stand him! I hated him before she started dating him, so, whatever that has to do with anything, I can't say, but I'm not gonna start liking him for her.

What's really been bugging me is, she said I act differently when she's there, then I do when she's not there. I thought that was strange. I asked who said it, and she said, "more people than you would think." Huh? What does that mean? It wouldn't occur to me that anyone would think that, so...one person said it? That's beside the point. The point is, I told her on Thursday that I was planning on going back to college, and on Friday she had a bunch of criticism for me. I know how she goes. She's so sensitive, emotionally, she takes it personally. So I guess maybe I shouldn't. But I hate being evaluated - she's said herself that being in retail is like being on stage, and some days, my performance is flat. Isn't it that way for all of us? I don't 'kill' every day, how can I ? I don't always FEEL good. I don't look good, I didn't have anything good to eat for a few days, it's a cold rainy day...Blah! Sometimes we're all just blah. Should I call in Blah? Oh, it'll all be o.k., change happens slowly, there will be great fortune.

The kid is funny. He 'kills' every day. His latest is: "Mom, I told Kaitlyn that 100 + 100 is 200, and she tried to kiss me." Me: "Wow, she must really like math." Z: "Yeah." So cute. Just a growing boy. No joy like a growing boy. Joy, and "get the hell out of my room and don't come back 'till noon...

BF is, as always, an annoying pain in the ass, but I guess he's MY annoying pain in the ass until we manage to find ourselves decent partners.

I suppose I'm looking to work WITH people, more than for them. And I want to be using my skills to further a project that is mutually beneficial to all humans.

Truth in Advertising

Well, I gotta tell ya, the gardening fairy was not my friend this year...to be fair, we had a poor growing season, but that's no excuse for what happened here! The above image is a doomed pumpkin vine, which gave me lovely blooms (image below), but not one pumpkin! The squirrels and rabbits ate well in THIS yard, this season...


Also pictured with my lovely pumpkin blossom are my 'dwarf' carrots - they grew about 1, 1 1/2 inches long. Weird. Just little runt carrots. *shrug* As BF pointed out, they probably would have been good in a salad; but I was impatient and pissed off, so all the failed veggies went to compost. Lotsa rain this Summer...

Our peppers just never grew. They reached their height and got frozen in time -

And, the infamous strawberry plant that got raided by critters, and yielded me not one fruit!

random moments

*I wrote this weeks ago, already, and I was debating whether or not to post it. I'm still not sure, but I'm going to go for it, and see what happens...


It's time for this, though I don't know what 'this' is... I called in 'needing a cocktail' to work today, I guess that was honest of me. It's 10 am, and I'm getting ready to have it. Never mind that I've been stoned since 7.

We haven't had a decent meal in days, snacking on whatever's laying on the counter; challah, chips, pb&j, crackers, fruitabu, and cookies. So instead of going to work, I thought I'd get stoned, have a drink, and try to fix the life the child doesn't know is broken, yet.

I live too close to the edge for parenting, or child-rearing. Things just look too dangerous sometimes. It doesn't seem safe. But the problem is more that I have turned dull, given up, gone soft. I'm too tired all the time - my body hurts, I'm fat, I'm broke. I'm lucky that I work at a farm market, and I can call in needing a cocktail, but do you know, there is not one apple in my house? I can't even tell you the last time I ate an apple. Or any other fruit, for that matter. Lame. Super-lame! I need to change my relationship with food, and fast.

I love my job, I do. If you have to be a wage-slave, at least you can slave at something worthwhile, which is why I am happy to do what I do. And to be sure, I am more than 'just a cashier' which is the passive-aggressive phrase I've been muttering under my breath for a week or two now, but I need something more. Is it philosophical neurosis? A mid-life crisis? I hope not the crisis, because I was planning on making it to 100, so I've got another decade on that one, according to my own clock... I feel like I'm letting time go by. Like I'm a spectator, checking down the items of a list. I want my time back, to do what I see fit with it - to create something because it is necessary. I want time back to explore, to seek out new options, to rekindle a spark, to initiate a journey, freedom. There are needs that be.

Where is the Supernanny? I need a personal assistant to help me hang my to do's on the wall, work off a list until I grow the habit...re-learn what it's like to face the world ready. If A and B get done, C will fall into place and than D will come along. It's a perfect plan. When and how to start? Where to begin? In the old days, it would be to take a hot shower and go to bed, because it meant the acid was wearing off. Smoke more pot, have that Hard Lemonade. Take a shower, and pick up the BF - we'll talk about running off to Tahiti, writing a novel, winning the lottery. Pell grants make college look like an actual option.

Summer Stock - The Last

Well, nothing says Summer's over like the first day of school! Here's my shot of the boy getting off the bus after his first day of Kindergarten - I didn't get a shot of him getting on the bus, I was too busy making sure he got on o.k., and holding back all my crazy mama feelings! I was bracing for the worst - clinging to my leg, screaming, crying, a big scene - but he climbed right up those steps, said, "Bye Mom!" and he was gone. I got a little choked up (I'm not an emotional chick) but that was a bit of a shock! I was proud and scared and happy and sad, and I wanted to sit right there and just wait for him to come home rather than go to work, but I got through it o.k.. At least now, I actually get to work on time, and I'm saving lots of money not paying for daycare anymore, or driving to and from daycare to drop off and pick up every morning and every afternoon! He gets on the bus, and I walk up the street to work! In the afternoon, he gets dropped off at the Orchard, and we walk home together. Bonus!

I haven't checked in in awhile as it's busy season at the Orchard, and I come home so tired that all I want to do is go straight to bed, but obviously, we have to do the homework and dinner routine, bathtime, and set up for the morning so we can get out on time. I'm getting used to the routine, and in some ways, things seem a bit easier, more defined. Maybe I'm finally getting the hang of this Mommy thing after all...although, as of now, we have no after-school commitments, but that will change as I may decide to sign us up for a martial arts class twice a week. I think it's important to keep the kid active, and I trained for years back in the day, and I think it may be just what I need to get my lovely round behind back into shape! See, I'm not a saggy fat chick, I'm a curvy, solid fat chick (thank god!), but I really need a lot more energy to keep me going. We eat well, but I get no exercise other than running back and forth through the store all day, or lifting heavy things (50 lb. bags of potatoes and onions, gallons of cider, crates of apples, etc.).

I had lots of things on the 'to do' list this weekend, but I spent most of it in bed watching movies, recovering from a super busy 14+ day run - I've been flat out since the end of August, with work and school, and weekend commitments, places to be and things to do every day after work, and I'm just beat. I found homes for the mama cat and three of the four kittens, and I'll miss them, but I'm also happy to be reclaiming my house! It was nice to have them, but I'm looking forward to having just the one to deal with, and to mop my floors! They do make kind of a mess, cute as they are. We'll be keeping the first-born, Mr. Spats Gatsby, as we've been calling him, a little black kitty with white feet and white tuxedo-like markings on his neck and belly. I'll post some pics as I get to it...Mama cat, Kaia, went back to the BF where she originally came from, and she seems a bit depressed, but I'm hoping she'll cheer up soon enough. One little kitty went to a customer of mine at the orchard, and one went to my boss's sister. So I know they're in good hands, and that finding a home for #3 (as we've been calling her) won't be too far away!

So, there's the run-down. Work is balls to the wall, the boy is doing great (if a bit bored, he's so smart) in Kindergarten, the BF is always the same (not even trying to find work, spending every dollar that comes into his hands on beer and cigarettes), and not a guy to date in sight! I opened a few more boxes, put a few more things on shelves or hung them from the ceiling, and I'm looking forward to being totally unpacked sometime this month. Next home improvement project is to paint the kitchen, and then the place will feel clean. Really truly clean, like bust out the sage, and call it mine, finally. Things are settling into place - my greatest fear realized. But hey, I'm sure I'll find some kind of chaos or other to play with once everything is where I need it to be, I promise! 'Till next time - may all your endeavors be fruitful!

Summer Stock #11

Very short (and late) post this week, just wanted to say, "Look what I built!" I ordered this loft online, unfinished, back in April, and it has been lying around on my living room floor in various incarnations since then...




From shipping boxes, to raw wood, to half-stained, to one coat on everything, to a second coat on half of it, to two full coats on ALL pieces (yes, each piece needed to be stained individually, and there are more pieces than you can see...). Then I emptied the boy's room, put two coats of paint on, and FINALLY assembled the damn thing yesterday (Sunday, August 9).


Many thanks to my BF, who helped IMMENSELY with this project by helping me stain when he could, when he had a free day, and came over to work on it while I was at work - also for helping get the room painted, and with the finally assembly. I COULD have done it without him, but I'm glad I didn't have to!


Luckily, the boy was visiting with Grandma yesterday, so he was not underfoot during the final process! I'm pretty excited to see his reaction when he gets home this afternoon! He helped me empty his room out, so it won't be a total shock, and when I called to say goodnight to him, I told him it was done. Still, I think it will be quite a surprise...and we still have to set the rest of his stuff back up (toys, bookshelves, dresser). As of now, it's an empty room with a loft in it!

And, just because, here's a picture of one of our early apple varieties over at the Orchard - Summer Macs! Yum! Mr. Soons claims to be the first person in NY state to grow these, back in the 1960's - I'm going to believe him!

Summer Stock #10

Welcome to Soons Orchards - open for its 99th season! It took some blood, a LOT of sweat, and maybe a tear or two to get everything ready for the opening this year, but I got it done - even when my employer popped in (after most of the summer here or there) 3 days 'till opening wanting to rearrange and paint all the furniture! I sucked it up, and made it happen. And nobody even said 'thank you'. No 'job well done' or a pat on the back. No glasses of champagne and toasts to a profitable season. Just business as usual - which is to say, disgruntled employees bitching on day one that they don't want to be here, that they need full-time, year-round employment.

And I'm thinking, "then why did you even bother punching in? Why don't you take your bad attitude right back out the door, and leave me to do my job in peace?" The image to the right is the pretty-as-a-picture little nook just to the left of the front door where I come in every morning. This is one of the reasons I consider myself so lucky to be working where I do, as I water and deadhead the flowers so those that choose to take a little break on our bench have a nice place to reflect for a moment before stepping out of our time-warped farm market back into the hustle and bustle of daily life. Could you walk past this happy little scene, and then choose to have a bad day? Talk about stopping to smell the flowers...

This is just a fun juxtaposition between the Farmer's Choice order (right) having come in on time, and the Webster's order (above) having not! Looks good, huh? The Webster's actually came in on Thursday, the day before our 'soft' opening, so the hutch was actually full on opening day (whew!). Kinda makes you want some jam, doesn't it? Doesn't it? I think it does...! Comes in damn near every variety I can think of, and a few I couldn't have made up...

Finally, we have Slingerland's honey, which is significant, because this is the honey made by the bees that are 'rented' to fertilize our Orchards, who live just up the road from us! We sell a lot of Slingerland honey during the allergy season - some of our customers swear by it! I don't have allergies, so I wouldn't know, but I do know that the local-est honey you can get is what is best to take for allergies, and it doesn't get any local-er than this! The Slingerland's have been selling their honey at the Orchard for just about 60 years, as far as he and Mr. Soons can recall, and I'm willing to bet they're right about that - they were both just teen aged farm-boys back then, and I have to say, it makes me glad in my heart to hear those two get going about 'the old days'. If there were ever a reason to go to work in the morning, for me, it is the possibility of hearing cool stories about simpler times from the sort of people who take the effort to make sure those ways don't die out completely by following in the long-standing traditions of producing a quality product with integrity and expertise. I, for one, see no need to look any further for the sort of work one can feel good about doing, and people one can be proud to say they know. My job may be hard, sometimes, but I am thankful that I have found it. I will not get rich doing this work, but I will make an honest living, and the lessons my son will learn on the farm will be invaluable in the world that he will find himself growing up in. Please support your local farms and farmers - they are our past, and also our future! I don't want to even TRY to imagine my world without them!

Summer Stock #9...#9...#9...

Sorry, I don't really care for The Beatles all that much, really (although I can appreciate their place in the history of 20th century music, and I HAVE been known to tap my toes or sing along...), but I couldn't resist! Anyway, it's been a busy week, so let me start out by saying KITTENS!!! Here's a little miracle that took place in my house on Thursday - Kaia, the sort-of homeless kitty (who was pregnant) showed up at my door Tuesday night, soaked from the rain, hurt from a fight, and looking pretty ready to pop, so I took her in, fed her, and made a nice place for her to relax and give birth. Which she did. Not in the nice little spot I made for her, though, in my bed! Eeew, I know, but I went straight to the laundromat when she was done, and my blanket is fine! So it looks like I'll be caring for her (and her babies) for the next 8 weeks or so...Anyone want a kitten? They are awfully darn cute!

So, that's been pretty fun and exciting on a daily basis, not to mention that my son is in love with them, and wants to keep them all! I keep insisting to him that we will only keep one of the kitties, and maybe Kaia, herself, but we will have to wait and see how things pan out - hopefully, the process of giving them good homes won't be too heartbreaking for him... Oh, and the story on Kaia is this: she was given to my BF as a too little kitten (shouldn't have been taken from her mom), and ended up at my place for 'kitty-sitting' when BF ended up in the ICU for a week. She went back to him for a few weeks, until he, um, got arrested, then came back over here. I took care of her until she started attacking my son, at which point, she ended up at the downstairs neighbor's. He mistreats her, so when she felt ready to give birth, she showed up here, where (I suspect) she knew she'd be taken in, fed, and cared for. I'm glad she did, and she's been a regular sweetheart to me (and my son) since. I have to seriously consider whether or not I can give her regular pet status, although I will most likely keep one of the kittens. I have time, yet, so I haven't decided!

In other exciting news, BF, the boy, and I went to a wonderful barbecue this past Saturday hosted by an old buddy of ours, and his newish wife. We all had a blast, enjoying home-cooked deliciousness from our hosts' bountiful garden, and my son got to indulge his love of drums while the guys were setting up to play! He even got to jam with them for a bit, which made him feel pretty special, but ultimately, I had to drag him off the stool so the guys could do what they had come to do! The little guy was pretty pissed off, and definitely took a few minutes to channel his inner rock star by pouting and sulking, but he got another chance to play a little later on - thanks, guys! My friend whose drums these were made sure to tell me that I should definitely make the trip down to Sam Ash (music store he is GM at) and get my boy a set of skins post-haste, as he exhibited some serious talent (mama gushes with pride)!

I can't tell you how nice it was to see some of these folks, some of them for the first time in almost 20 years! The food was superb, the music incomparable, and the good vibes from good people felt incredibly special and renewing! That's BF, by the way, in the last photo - taking it all in and letting it fill him up with the kind of joy we used to know in our (ahem) youth. He closed his eyes, presumably to let the music (and the sound of this young woman's voice!) wash over him, and erase the hardships of the years, and just feel like we all did back then. That there was no where else to be, and nothing else to do, then listen to these guys play, and be happy. It was
probably one of the best times I've had since I moved to NY - the kind of great time where old friends hang out at the same place we all did back then, except now we have our kids with us, and they are meeting each other, and running off together to play. I want to hold on to that feeling as long as I can, and longer. I want to remember how to be joyous, and to feel free...

New Blog!

The address to the new blog is http://soons.info/

It's the Soons Orchard blog, and my boss, Sharon and I are tag-teaming the posts! Feel free to stop by, and check out what's going on the store! See you there...

Summer Stock #8 - Back to Work!

So, unfortunately, this is what my summer looks like now! No more carefree meandering through woodland glens to swim in frigid mountain runoff in Vermont, no leisurely staining of furniture or afternoon movies, no sleeping in and reading in bed until my child makes ME breakfast! It's back to work, for me! The first image is our counter, piled high with 'stuff'. I can't pretend to know what most of that stuff is...looks like some cookbooks, the front door floor mats, my purse and Klean Kanteen, and a whole lot of crap!

The second image shows the center floorspace of the store with little to no floorspace. Everything is pushed into the middle of the store so the back section of floor can be painted (I didn't end up having to do THAT, either!). Looks like one big mess, huh? Guess who gets to put all the pieces back together after they've been scrubbed spotless? THAT'S right...yours truly!

Which brings us to...image the third, which is obviously the apple shelves, now empty, and ready for scrubbing clean so's I can paint them (they look great, by the way)!

Image 4 is the cider mill, also stripped down and bare for painting - there's a new layer of flat black spray paint on there, and the floor has a new coat of gray on it (thanks again, R!)

This is the rest of the cider mill - rolled out through the big garage door so the floor in the cider room can be painted.

And THIS...THIS is our NEW DONUT BAG! Yaay! Now maybe all of our customers will remember to tell their friends where they get their donuts...We took delivery on 28,000 of them, I hope they live up to our expectations!

Farms and Gardens

I drive by this spot four times a day on weekdays, driving my son to and from daycare. It's the corn field of a dairy farm in the foreground, and the mowed grass in the background. Having moved to New York from Vermont two years ago next month, I thank my lucky stars that I still get to see such beautiful sights as this! In a world of vanishing family farms, I feel blessed to work at a 99 year old orchard still run by the family who founded it back in 1910. I'm glad that my son knows that food comes from seeds that are planted in soil, and tended by people who then harvest it, so we can eat it. I'm glad he (mostly) understands that food has seasons, and the food we grow at the farm is healthier (and tastier) than the stuff in the supermarkets. My father was a farmer way back before I was born, before he moved to this country, and I am also thankful that he taught me to respect and appreciate the natural world. That I now get to pass this gift on to my child is a wonderful way to connect my son to his grandfather, whom he never knew. My father helped shape my spirituality with his love of nature, as it was out in the fields where he felt most connected to the Absolute. The best way that I can see to honor my father is to pass his gift along...so - shop local, support family farms and farmer's markets, and plant a garden! You will be rewarded with good health, and the literal fruits (and veggies!) of your labors.


These are my son's pumpkins that are about two inches taller by now than they are in the photo, and have been seperated and replanted into additional pots. As I wrote in a previous post, he also chose to grow lima beans, strawberries, carrots, peppers, and hopefully some fruit from pits he saved (peach, plum, apricot - though I don't hold much hope for these!). We also just put two avocado pits into water, and hopefully these will sprout as well. I can't imagine a better way to spark a love of good food in a child than to help him grow some himself! I hope it works, and I'm looking forward to the joy of harvesting those veggies with him, and either eating them raw, or cooked up into yummy dishes. We planted so many, I'm also hoping to have enough to share! Next summer, I would like to build a terrace garden out in the yard, on the slope my landlady says she could never get anything to grow on. Well, I'm relatively certain I can grow A LOT of veggies on that slope, with a bit of planning and a bunch of elbow grease! Our container garden is starting to take over our porch, as we separate the seedlings into larger pots. Unfortunately, I'm probably going to have to put little cages around them soon, to put off the chipmunk and various other woodland creatures who helped themselves to our strawberries while we were out of town!

Summer, to me this week, is about going back to work and getting the store all set to open for the season. Painting, scrubbing, washing, sweeping, making peanut butter, answering the phones, doing inventory and ordering, getting ready for the markets. Peaches are ready for picking this week, and it seems like the whole county is waiting for them! Folks call every day wondering when the peaches will be in - folks who know the value of a good old locally grown peach. Nothing better! I will be posting on the orchard's new blog, and I will post the link as soon as I can - which is as soon as I know what it is, and how to do it! Join me over there for updates on how things are going on the farm this season - I am looking forward to sharing!

The last day of vacation...

Daisy's Eye View

Merry Go Round

I want this bike.

So. It's my last day of vacation...sounds pretty depressing, right? Well, after a month off, it IS pretty depressing! I was just getting about ready to give myself up to summer, and jump into a camper van to tour the festivals as long as it was fun, and the cash held out! Of which I say to you, can be a very long time, indeed. Alas. I will be going back to work on Monday morning like the responsible adult that I am - or try to be, on occassion. ; )

It's 4 o'clock in the morning, and I'm spending more time just staring at the screen wondering what to type than typing. I guess I should turn in, and just accept the fact that staying up too damn late doesn't make the vacation last any longer! Looking forward to making some money, though...

Got a lot done, could have done more, but at least my kitchen is CLEAN! And I have a few stupid new things like a toilet seat, tp holder, and towel bar. My little veggie starts are doing great, and I need to transplant them already - we're gonna have a lot of pumpkins and carrots, if all goes well! The chipminks ate all my strawberries while I was in Vermont, little bastards, but I can't hardly blame them...hoping the plant feels like putting out a few more. BF will be by to help me finish up the boy's furniture and bedroom, thank goodness, it's just the kind of project that I need to do WITH somebody! I need the company, and someone to help keep me on track!

I'm just now remembering that I wanted to try out this new format, but it's too late, and I'm too past tired to deal with it now, so I'll have to keep it in mind for next time...Happy 4th of July, America!

Sunlight in Vermont

Here is the boy enjoying one of my favorite spots in the world - a swimming hole in Vermont known as Paradise...

A few minutes later, he was naked and up to his knees in freezing cold water for the Ceremonial Throwing of Rocks Into the River. I won't post those...well, maybe just one, but not today!

This is the classic 'what should I post for Robin's summer stock thing? What is Summer to me? Lying on my back in the grass, staring at the sky, that's what it is...' Turn head to right, frame and shoot.

I liked this, it almost made me feel like a real photographer again, so I decided to take it a step further...

And I really like this one! There's a couple more of them, but I think this is my favorite. Now, on to the words...

We left at the beginning of a torrential downpour...the Volvo did it's ususal worst, sliding all over the road in a manner very unlike a Subaru. And get this! There is a light on the dashboard that lights up to tell me that I'm hydroplaning! Yeah! It distracts me from the very thing that it's warning me to pay attention to! Who's genius engineering idea was this? Whatever. I had a Seattle moment an hour or so into the ride - there's this bridge, an open, arched design that the highway takes you under, and it looks like those bridges outside Olympia, where we got on the highway out there, except those were larger, and had Mt. Rainier towering above them to the right...and what occured to me was how aware I was that I was NOT in Seattle (even with all the rain!). I often forget where in the world I am if I space out while driving, and here was a prime moment to panic - but for the lack of that giant white looming Buddha mountain off to the right, that imposing presence, watching. Maybe waiting. Nope. I was nowhere near Seattle...

Eventually, we made it through to clearer skies, small boy asleep in the back most of the way, my spirits lifting with every sunny mile. Aah... My cell phone cut out. Yaay... Spent the week blissing out on Positive Pie pizza, Coffee Corner breakfasts, creemees, and Paradise. Laying in the grass. I even got to go to a show! My friend's husband wanted to go see the New York Dolls, and asked her if she could get tickets to the show at Higher Ground - she's the music director at the community radio staton WGDR ( http://www.wgdr.org/ ), so she got two tickets, backstage passes, and the possibility of an interview and/or a station ID from some of the band members. Too bad she sent her husband and me! He knew how to work the incredibly technically advanced recording device, but got very drunk very quickly, and I was not prepared to interview the New York Dolls solo, while making an ass of myself fiddling with a device beyond my range of knowledge.

So, oh well. I was disappointed - but the show was GREAT! I LOVED IT! What showmanship! What style! What a cute bass player! Great new venue, too, Higher Ground. I mean, it's been there for years, but they got a new building which is cool - I think there were two shows happening that night, the old place had only the one stage. Good for them.

So yeah. It was a good 'vacation', though I don't feel particularly rested or anything. It was wonderful to be in Vermont, and dig the vibe in Montpelier, and bring the boy to see his dad, and get to the swimming hole and say hey to friends, and eat great food, and do some fun shopping. But I think, that maybe next year, what I REALLY need, is to take myself away. To go be alone for a few days. Maybe go to a spa...or something.

I'm home, now, and back to all the stuff I just threw my hands up at and left a week ago - dishes, yucky stuff in the fridge, the staining of the furniture! Sigh. And BF is home again, but he's hangin' out with that woman, so I don't really want to be around that. Could always use the help, though...Men. What crap.

Well, guess it's time to tell my boss I'm home, and get my be-hind back to work! Sure could use a paycheck...

Well, it certainly has been a crazy week! The Strawberry Festival was awesome, we had a great time - but I was so busy spending every dollar in my wallet on the boy (o.k., I spent some on me, too!), I didn't snap ONE SINGLE SHOT! Bollocks. There were gorgeous sailboats on the river, kids playing, bands, all sorts of festival stuff going on, and everything..! Oh well. We're headed out of town for the next however many (7-10?) days, and there will be plenty more opportunities to snap off a few... Back to my crazy week.

Monday found me at the doc's for a boob exam; he wants another mamo of lefty before he lets me off the hook and puts me on a yearly schedule instead of every three months...then off to the Dispute Resolution Center where we spent 3 HOURS hashing out an agreement to leave each other in peace and just get our work done for the upcoming season. I don't think it'll hold up, but we'll have to wait and see. Tuesday, I ACTUALLY got some staining done, but only one coat, and only a couple of pieces. The loft project is certainly taking more time and energy than I had originally thought, but I will prevail! The boy WILL have a new bedroom before he starts kindergarten in the Fall - painted, furnished, and decorated! Now if only it will stop raining so I can get outside...

Wednesday was freaky drama day! The faraway dude's EX-WIFE called me (how'd she get the number?) to find out whether or not he had broken up with me because they were going to try and work things out and get remarried! He denies this, of course, but I did my best to listen to her, and offer her advice without divulging any personal info about myself or the man in question. I understand her hopes and fears, so I wanted to be helpful and friendly to her, but he is an old friend, and I didn't want to betray him in any way! It was an interesting conversation, to say the least...but I think she gained some clarity, and that's all I can hope for. Kind of changes my level of commitment to 'waiting' for him, not that I was, but I don't think I should consider him as...serious about me as I previously had! Ah, well. So it goes...

After a pleasant Thursday, that passed completely uneventfully for me, due to the aforementioned incessant rain, came super-busy Friday! The boy graduated from pre-k today! Yaay! The ceremony was really fun, and kinda silly, so of course we enjoyed it, thank you!

Tomorrow, we have a birthday party to attend, after which, we are OUTTA HERE! I can't wait to head up North and let all my cares melt away for a bit..! Looking forward to the boy getting to see his dad, as well. Super-tired after my oddball week, and lots of stuff to do to get ready to go to VT! *YAAA-aaa-wwwwnnnnn!* O.k., sleep deprivation is demanding I sleep RIGHT NOW, and I will do my best to keep up with the blogging while I'm away - have a great week!

Why am I up at this hour?

Well, I had a guest 'drop in' at 1am...to be fair, I knew he was coming, but I should have gone to bed after he left! I didn't, so, now I'm here.

What's up with me? Still on vacation, but the weather has NOT been cooperating with my need to be outdoors to stain my son's furniture - REALLY frustrating, I'm running out of time to complete this project! Rain is good, yes (I work on a farm), but we need some sunshine too! Finally finished planting all the things 'we' (read: the boy) decided to plant this year, yay! So now, in addition to my pretty annuals and the strawberries, we have; lima beans, pumpkins, multi-colored peppers, carrots, peaches, apricots, a plum, and some wisteria. We hope, anyway. By way of explaination, let me just say that the boy is enamored of fruit pits for some reason, and saved all the peach, apricot and plum pits he ate his way to over the year so he could try to grow them. I told him they most likely won't produce fruit, but he didn't care - said it was worth a shot anyway!

He is such a doll, and he's been so loving lately I don't know what's got into him. Apparantly I'm the 'best mommy in the whole wide world' which, of course, I knew! But that's not it. Maybe it's just that I'm laid-off right now, and we're spending WAY more time together than we usually do, and he is happy to have me around. Either way, I've got no problems cuddling up with my getting bigger every day boy, as I know from what my friends tell me, I ought to suck it up now, because it doesn't last! Let it be known ten years from now, when he's a right punk trying to get me to lend him the car, that there was a time when he made me laugh every day, and broke my heart with his sweetness and light! I never thought I could love another human being so very much...

One of my guys came over to visit tonight, FINALLY, but as you can see from the opening paragraph, he came and went...pun intended. Also got a message from the one who is far away, just letting me know he's still out there, but very busy, and missing me. The newest one, the one who came out of the woodwork, had me on the phone for 10 HOURS the other night!!! What, I ask you, can two people find to talk about for 10 HOURS?! I was there, and I don't even know! Weird.

We have a Strawberry Festival to go to today, and I had better get some shut-eye if I want to keep up with the boy wonder! May be a good opportunity to get some camera-phone shots for next Summer Stock! I'm glad that Robin has given me a reason to kick my butt into gear and get the creative juices flowing, even if it's not the full experience I crave to immerse myself in. It's a start. And while I haven't done any work on my writing lately, blogging has been a good exercise for me. Maybe I'll post an excerpt someday? Maybe...

Hey, wow, look at that!

I just discovered my new Crackberry has both b&w AND sepia settings! Oooooh! As cool as that may be, we all know how I feel about digital imaging masquerading as photography, and anyone who can't tell the difference between the two is welcome to join me in the darkroom one day, and I will be happy to enlighten you...Forgive my snobbery, but I spent a good chunk of change putting myself through art school to earn a degree in the field, just to see it degraded by every hack with a camera-phone! Rant over.

This digital image was taken from the same spot as my previous 'share', just in the opposite direction. It's the field behind BF's soon-to-be ex-house. I've spent many sunny summer days and long lazy nights staring out over the relative peace and quiet of this view from the back porch, and I snapped off a few shots with the camera-phone before I never get to see it again. My fear is that the house, barn and land will be sold to some heartless developer with dollar $ign$ in his eyes, who will split the 10-acres up into mini McMansion plots, effectively removing one of the last standing old-time farmhouses in the area from the landscape. Sigh.


It's not a great shot - hell it's not even a GOOD shot, but it's all I've got this week. I've got a couple of other images I was thinking of using as well, but I can't figure out how to get them into the middle of the post, rather than on top of the one that's already there...




Whoa, I did it! I'm a friggin' genius....Anyway, this is MY yard, with all of our fruit and veggie sprouts lined up on the porch, and the hostas exploding in the background...My little patch of annuals is tucked in amongst the hostas, but it was overcast and rainy, so they look all squished just now. Maybe I can get a shot of them looking all perky and proud next week. One more -


There he is! That's my boy - his Saba's (grandfather's) grandson, driving that tractor! Could he BE any happier? -mama gushes with pride-

That's all for now, will catch up another time. Happy days to all!

Wow. Look at that! I added a picture...crazy. I added it because of Robin's Summer Stock Sunday thing, I want to figure out how to post it. What fun!

Anyway, this is a chair out on the porch of BF's house - he was home for two whole days before getting sent to the Crisis Center to wait for a bed at the local rehab. He can try again in 21 or so days...nice shot, though, I sure am gonna miss that old place!

Well, I wasn't going to do this now, but what the hell, I'm here...The boy is at Grandma's, later than she said she'd take him, too! What fun! had a good friend stop up for the night with her friend, also fun! LOVING being on vacation, having FUN! Laundry and dishes are getting done, floors are getting swept, food is getting cooked...things are getting put away, corners are emptying. We've been to Home Depot. I'm gearing up to stain the boy's new furniture - it looked like I was going to have some help there, for a minute, with the BF home, but it didn't last. He says I should wait the few weeks, I say I can get it done before he gets back!

The guy I had been gushing about seems to have cooled off considerably, I have been relatively too busy to send him much of anything myself, so I don't think a thing of it. I think it will be much better when he is actually here, in the states, so we can get together and say hey...Now what's up the rest of the boys out there? 3 that call, not bad, but I'm still not going out on any dates! There's even another one come out of the woodwork I could work on...Boys. There are those who would say, I should focus on the relative goodness and joy thinking about a fulfilling relationship would give me, and the fulfilling relationship will respond to my thinking about said goodness and joy.

Weeded the garden, thinking about moving the annuals around a bit...The boy is awesome, having a good vacation as well, but I think he should have a little friend or two to play with every now and then...Well, rather than sit here and look forward to getting stuff done around the house, I should go get stuff done around the house! Updates as progress ensues!

Great...

Got my timestamp back, but lost my photo, and links! Really frustrating - maybe I should just try another template or something...

Vacation Rocks!

It's true, I am on vacation! All that means, really, is that I don't have to go to work for a month. I still have a ton of stuff to do at home, which is where we will be spending the majority of our time...For starters, I am going to pick up BF at the bus station on the 2nd, in return for which, he will be enlisted to help me stain and assemble the boy's new bedroom furniture, and help paint my kitchen! And anything else I can think of..! We went up to the Adirondacks this weekend so the boy could ride a Really Useful Engine, and have 'a day out' with one of his favorite chartacters - what a blast! I ate like a pig all weekend, and didn't care a flying fig how much I weighed. That said, I do intend to spend some of my time off evaluating my eating habits, and seeing where and how I could stand to improve, as well as begin an exercise regime.

Also in the works is a trip up to the North Country to visit old friends and the boy's dad - I'm really looking forward to that! It was so nice to be up in the Adirondacks where my cell phone didn't work, and there was significantly less residual noise from the outside world. Made me miss Vermont...but we are happy to be home, nonetheless.

I'm really considering switching back to the classic template, because the time stamp thing is bothering me THAT MUCH! It really is...I'm not kidding. I posted the question on the help forum, but no one has gotten back to me on it. Yet.

I will be starting another blog, probably in July, called At the Core, which will be the work-blog. All things of interest worth sharing that go on in the life and times of our little store, please tune in!

O.k., I'm really tired from all this rest and relaxation, so I'll have to catch up on here another time. Catch ya later -

3 Day Weekend!

So I guess the scale is possessed, or it was just mad at me or something, because today it only says 220lbs., but I know I didn't try to lose any weight, so I probably didn't. Must just have been on the rag, and retaining ALOT of water!

->Guys, you may want to skip ahead to the *!
Speaking of the rag, I've discovered the amazing device known as The DivaCup...ladies, this thing is amazing! Rid yourselves of the cotton rats that are harmful to both our bodies and the environment (not to mention those evil pads with 'blue cores', whatever the hell that substance is, I don't even want to know!) and step up to The DivaCup! You can do it, I know you can adapt your monthly flow to the 21 century - it's time to think about upgrading. This device was 'invented' in the 1930's, and recently 'redesigned' due to the availability of medical-grade silicon. If you want to read up on the science and such, check out their website, http://www.divacup.com/, and tell me what you think! I will be honest, you can't be squeamish about sticking your hand 'up in there', or about your own menstrual blood, but, come on girls, get with the program! It's your body, and given the things that we've most of us managed to push out of 'there', I think we ought to be able to brave this small change that can bring BIG change - financial, and environmental (and your houseplants will thank you for the nitrogen boost, if you can take it that far - ask me, I'll tell you how)....

*
Back to our regularly scheduled program...so, when I used to weight train, our formula for figuring goal weight was 100 lbs. for 5 feet of height for women, and 5 lbs. for every inch over - which would put my 'goal' at 110 lbs.. I'm 40 yrs. old, and have had a kid, so I'll add 20 lbs., and call it 130. That puts me in line for 90 lbs. of weight loss. Wow. That's quite a bit...more than I thought, actually. If I set small goals for myself, which I think is a wise idea, say around 10 lbs. a month, I should get there in less than a year. Less than a year seems a worthy amount of time to dedicate to the goal of a healthier lifestyle, doesn't it? Again, I have all the information I need, it's just down to me actually choosing to use it. Wish me luck!

The men, the wonderful men! Do you see how I switched to the plural there? It was 'guy', now it's 'men'. I love men...the guy I am breathlessly awaiting has been oddly silent, but he's got a lot going on right now. I don't take it as anything personal. And I'm not just waiting around, either - I continue to flirt shamelessly with anyone who shows an interest, as I like to keep at least a few on deck. Hey, a girl's gotta keep her mojo mojo-ing, right? (With credit to M on that one, who I'm sure has not lost his) I gotta stay in the game! Hell, I'm only 40, I look great (if fat), I've got a great kid, a job, my own place, and a car - not looking for much more than a booty call, with the option of dinner and movie every now and then. What's not to love?

The kid is great, looking forward to vacation as much as I am. Hope I saved up enough money to spoil him just a little bit this summer...he deserves it. He really is such a good little munchkin, and I suppose some of it is just the age, but I couldn't ask for anything more - not that I would! He is perfect and wonderful, and I only hope I'm not ruining him!

Work is going o.k., A got spoken to about her disrespectful behaviors, and she's managed to rein herself in a bit, and gone back to being the lovable but dopey old lady who manages to screw up every transaction she's called upon to execute. I've handled a few complaints about her this week alone, and had to bail her out several times during various tasks, but mostly at the register. She just doesn't get it. But at least she's realized that I'm only trying to help both her and our customers...and we're down to 4 DAYS LEFT IN THE SEASON! With the holiday weekend, I get Monday off because there's no school, and I have to go in a bit late on Friday, so in my mind, I'm pretty much done anyway! I still have to work those 4 days, but 99% of the daily pressures are off - no orders to be placed or received, no reason to do much stocking or work on displays, not much going on in the way of wholesale or special orders...just toss the rotten produce, and start cleaning up! Yaay! Of course, July is a different story, but I'm SOO not there, yet - farmer's markets, painting the store, inventory and all that...not my problem for another whole month! BIG sigh of relief!

BF sent a letter asking me to pick him up at the bus station on June 2nd, and I said sure, as long as you help me out with a few things around the house when you get here, and I haven't heard from him since! Maybe the fact that I threw in a little quid pro quo angered him, and he wrote one of his stupid little ho's and asked them instead, because they'd do it for nothing, but I've been helping him try and get out from under his trouble for WAY too long now, and I'm sick of just getting more of the same from him. From now on, I'm getting for what I give! He doesn't like it? Let him figure it out himself. I've got things to do...sad to say, but he's a grown man, and I have an actual child, now, someone who needs me in a very real way. It hurts to sort-of dump him like that, and I'm sure he's mad, but enough's enough already! Time to grow up and deal... and I'm not even really dumping him, just asking that he give a little back, that's all. Seems fair to me...

Anything else? I guess that pretty much covers it, for now. Must not squander the 3-day weekend by actually relaxing and taking it easy - need to get out and do, while I have the chance! Need some home improvement supplies so I can hit the ground running when June rolls in, and get the regular weekend-type stuff done...laundry, dishes, housekeeping, et al. Fair thee well, fellow bloggers, "Smile Like You Mean It"!

Going Public...

You know, even though I write as if I'm addressing an audience, it didn't actually occur to me that I might be! So here I am, blogging away, talking to myself, and people actually commented, much to my chagrin...funny! Well, it's too late for this tonight, I really just wanted to see if I managed to fix the date header thingy...



* I see that it is still...undefined *

And where the hell is my time stamp?

What's up with this 'undefined undefined' bullshit?

OMG!!! Soo confusing...and, on being a fatass.

Jeez, this thing keeps changing on me, and I'm not sure I'm keeping up...Why is it doing that? Why must it mock me in my ineptidude? I'm too fragile to be outsmarted by something I could solder together myself...at least, I think I could...I soldered together that radio in 1979, the one I got for Hannukah.

So, I'm here, I should say something, right? Lessee...I'M TOO FAT! Whiny bitch, I know, but let's explore - I went out and bought a bathroom scale, why? Because I felt like torturing myself, I guess. Because New Guy will (hopefully) be 'here' in the Fall, and I want to lose some weight before he sees me and is disgusted by the incredible growth of my girth since last we met 15 years or so ago...and, it's unhealthy.

In high school, I was too skinny, weighing in at a mere 104 lbs. when I graduated. At college, the 'freshman 15' actually filled me out, and put a few curves into my figure. I stopped keeping track after that, because I was healthy enough in body, mind and spirit to not care. Guess I should have cared...I don't remember any specific weight in terms of numbers, after that, but I knew I was gaining as I grew out of my clothes. I remained active by going out dancing, taking the bellydance, Tae Kwon Do, and yoga classes I always had. The major change must have been my diet, because I remember countless nights of dinner at the evil giant eMpire my boyfriend favored (god, it's so hard to believe I ever actually ate that stuff!). I remember losing 20 lbs. after we broke up with no effort at all...boy was HE sorry! I must have been 130-140 at that time.

When I got pregnant, in 2003 at age 35, I weighed in at 166 lbs.. I put on a healthy amount of weight for a normal person, but probably a bit too much for a potential fatass like myself. When I was ready to give birth, I weighed in at 197 lbs.! I couldn't believe it - I was so glad I was about to jettison the child, and the fluids he had been swimming in, before I had ballooned up to 200! I had narrowly avoided my worst nightmare by only 3 lbs.! Keep in mind, I am only 5'2"...

I can't even believe I'm sharing this horrendous information on the relative density of my spare tire(s), but here we are, and I'm gonna go for it - I know you won't judge. So, I bring the newly purchased scale into my bathroom, lay it on the floor, step on it, and have a near-death experience as I read the number on the dial. I knew I was getting pretty big, but this was a shock - a BIG shock! Are you ready? I'm not sure I am, but here goes...230 lbs.! 230! Can you belive it?! I can't...the little girl who swore she'd never break 100, is 230 lbs.! That's 33 lbs. more than I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant! Not to mention, I lost all the baby weight and more, thanks to the magic of breastfeeding - and here it all was, back on, plus 33 more! WTF?!

So I'm officially a fatass. I don't know what to think about that, really. I know I'm beautiful, I know I'm sexy, and funny, and smart, and all kinds of other cool things, but I'm FAT! I don't want to be fat anymore. More importantly, I want to be a better example of a healthy individual for my son. I buy organic, or locally grown food (I work on a farm, for god's sake!), and I make sure to feed my child fruits, vegetables and whole grains, but I never eat breakfast or lunch, snack on crap all day at work, and after my son goes to bed, I chow down every sweet thing I can get my hands on because I am missing companionship in my life. So there it is. The truth. Laid out for all who care to see. And I no longer exercise. How's that for a coup? I have been given this wonderful gift, and I treat it like less-than-shit. Just who the hell do I think I am?

So. Time to get healthy? Yes. I have all the tools necessary to embark on this noble quest, and yet, I still find that I lack motivation. Can you believe it? With all that evidence staring back at me from the mirror, I STILL have not managed to change even ONE THING about how I treat myself! I suck. I worse than suck! But beating myself up for being a lazy fatass won't get me anywhere either, so what do I do? Post it on my blog, and see if THAT manages to motivate me? Worth a shot...

Really long post!

Enough about the guy, for now, we're getting in way over our heads with so many miles and so much time still between us before we even get to maybe see each other depending on what happens...Who knows? Maybe he won't come back, maybe he'll meet someone there? Maybe he'll get back with ex-wife? Maybe he'll just follow whatever path he is choosing for himself and it won't end up including me? Who's to say...I just don't want to get all invested in something and then have it not work out, like my heart isn't broken enough already! But then I think I'm doing myself a disservice by putting anything but the most excellent energy into my thoughts about him. If I believe with all my heart that this is the right thing, and I put only good and happy energy towards my thoughts about him and us, than what I get out of it will be goodness and happiness, right? Seems to follow...so why the fence-sitting?

The kid is driving me insane. Don't get me wrong, I love him more than life itself, but if Grandma could take him for a week or something (or, dare I say, his DAD?), that would make me just about the happiest mommy on the planet! I don't want to be one of those whiny bitches who cries about how hard life is all the time, I just want a break every once in awhile! I know there are people out there alot worse off than I am, and I should feel blessed for all I have, and I do! But everyone who claims to be any sort of expert on parenting always says, "take a break to take care of yourself, and you'll be a better mommy". I sure would like to get a chance to follow that advice!

Work is so goddamned slow, and my co-worker A is being SUCH a pain in my ass, that I wish the season were over yesterday! Maybe it's because I've never had a long-term job that I seem to have all these problems with my co-workers, but why do they have to be so MEAN to me? I'm so sick of being judged, or spoken down to by kids less than half my age, or generally treated like I'm irrelevant, or that my contribution to the daily workings on the farm are insignificant. I do my fair share of nothing this time of year, but I also do ALL the handling of everything that needs to be handled! And in the busy season? I do more than anyone - whose not a member of the immediate family - to keep that place doing what it does! And I get treated like crap for it? By a person whose contribution IS, actually, somewhat irrelevant? Ten more working days 'till season's end...I'll try to hold on!

I have to temper that previous paragraph by saying how much I really enjoy most of our customers - and the teenagers I get to work with. The kids (N and J) are really just awesome, and I love being a small part of their lives! The folks who come in every day, or every week, that I have developed a familiarity with are really what makes me keep coming back. Well, that, and my paycheck! I love the sense of community, getting to know these people, and again, getting to be a small part of their lives. The things I learn from people in our brief interactions are so important to me - who's husband died, who's having hip replacement surgery, who's bringing apples to their daughter's college graduation, it's all so meaningful to me - the one who's been so transient, and is trying to learn how to settle down and be a part of something...It's better than when I was a bartender, because the goods I'm selling are so much healthier! I love talking to people, and if I can help them smile - even better!

Things are kind of out of control, for a change, at home...I still have piles of stuff that need to be dealt with everywhere, boxes I haven't unpacked yet, though we moved in almost a year ago. Dishes still take over the kitchen on a regular basis, laundry overflows from hampers, paperwork grows into towers, the toilet grows god-knows-what, some new life form I'll probably have to start feeding soon....I bought a tv stand about 2 months ago - still in the box! My son's new bedroom furniture? Still in the box! Am I attending to these things on my oh-so-precious to me day off? Not! I want to sleep in, relax, do my own thing, catch up on my blog...so everything gets neglected. I FEEL like I'll get a chance to catch up on everything during my month off, but I KNOW that won't happen unless I make and follow a strict plan to get it done. Guess how good I am at making and following strict plans? Go on, guess! Yeah, not so good! Sigh. Well, they say the first step is admitting you have a problem, but they don't say what happens if that is the only step you are willing to take! Ah, now I'm whining again! Maybe I should just go do some of those dishes...!

the guy, the kid, the job, the BF, the garden...

This dude's gonna kill me...I tell ya, he's gonna be the death of me! Our worlds colliding will be like a super-nova! It's amazing to be having this conection with him, it's really exciting and scary and nice...Anyway, I'm still too goddamned fat to deal, and getting fatter every day, oh what to do? How to stop the madness?

The kid is so freakin' cute, it's unreal! He did this cool little hand thing the other night when looking at a picture of his dad doing a hand thing...you had to see it, but it was one of those moments when a kid just makes everything good, and you giggle because it is so pure, and just right.

Blossom Bash today, seemed like it went o.k.. Got there late-ish, checked everything out, but missed the balloon, try earlier tomorrow.

Got a letter from BF, 4 weeks left 'till HE gets home, hopefully! Maybe at least I'll have some company...

Rained all week, sun came out this afternoon. Bed looks lush, got some violas to put in. Never finished raking the lawn, but now that bad neighbors are gone, maybe I will! Try and clean up on that side quick, before someone moves in...

Did no writing this week, I've been wanting to right new guy a letter, get away from the recycled porn - but BF needs a letter more than new guy. That's two letters. Got a new phone that takes decent pics, I guess, got a good shot today of the boy...wouldn't use it for anything real, though. And of course, new guy wants pics of me, which presents a whole new challenge...

Anyway, enough for now, I'm tired as always!

Wow

Sitting here in the midst of transfering all my 'data' from old cell phone, to computer and new cell phone. Big fun...while typing on my blog. It's interesting to me how my hobbies became outmoded, and with all my staunch denial of the death of my genres, here I am coming to a head with it. Sort of. I still want to write a book, I still want to photograph - which is different than blogging and digital imaging. And I am sitting in a pile of technology, zipping bits and bytes across my bed from device to even smaller device...

Bloggy Thing

I've been typing up some old porn I wrote for this cool guy I want to be in love with, but it's kind of distracting, because I wrote it for another guy who was a douchebag...but I needed to take a break from the sex type thing and get back to something real. My 'N.O.E.' is my work in progress, the ongoing saga, my life in chapters. I think I may get to like this new chapter, this bloggy chapter, because it seems neat, contained. Easily retrievable. Not like all this scraping together of scraps written on the paper bags we brought the alcohol home in...

So I've got this guy (sort of) - we'll see in a few months...

And I've got this job - getting REALLY slow at work, now! I've been going in between 8:30 and 9:00am, making sure A is set, taking off; going back at 11, hanging out till the kid gets there, making sure they're all set, and taking off...I need the hours, but I can't justify standing around getting paid to do nothing! Blossom Bash looks like it may be pretty awesome, I sure hope so! The weather's been gorgeous, the trees look beautiful, free samples = sales $$! Let's hope... So looking forward to my vacation this year, Jeez, 5 weeks to go? I could start the countdown! Now would be a good time to have that back-up gig, where I sell crafts at the store in the off season...next year, I'm gonna split up some hostas!

And I've got the kid - for vaca this year: Thomas trains, new bedroom (paint & furniture), 'graduate' pre-k., Vermont. Starts school in the Fall...not sure if I'm ready!

I've got the BF - hopefully out of THIS round of rehab in June...

Pansies are in. Strawberries are planted; peppers, carrots and pumpkins are on the way. Better get out 'Animal, Vegetable, Miracle' for reference, get a jump on what I need to start saving NOW for the winter months! Started checking out terrace designs...yes, backyard, I'm looking at you! One room left to paint in this apartment, and then I will start to call it home...

And I've got a desire to finish 'N.O.E.', work on my photography, take a martial art and a belly dance class, and lose 60 lbs. or more! What say you, my brave companion? Can this will be done? Through proper time management, you say? Bollocks, if I could manage TIME more effectively, there would be no need for this conversation...screeeech...done.

Holy Crap...

I just spent WAAYY too many hours screwing around with this thing trying to make it pretty, and managed to f**k the whole thing up in the process, and then not be able to even GET IN to try and fix it! SOMEhow, I weaseled through, and was able to dump all the stupid changes I made and get back to where I have access to the page! But now it's not pretty anymore...What a colossal waste of time and energy. So frustrating. Now I'm mad. Any of you invisible audience members feel like helping?

I did it - I'm in!

So, I'm trying to figure out how to do this thing, with my first hurdle being, "what the hell is my password?" I try to keep my passwords to a minimum so I don't have 15, 000 of them to remember, but it doesn't always work...Great, so I figured out how to sign up, and sign in, now maybe I can work on making it look pretty! I've no idea, really, what to 'blog' about! Two friends just seem to write about the generals of the day; mommy issues, family stuff, around the house and such. Another friend (and partner) check in about their homesteading, goat babies, beekeeping and the like. So, what do I have to say? I actually signed up for this so I could get some experience, because my employer thought I could do a blog about the things that go on at work. Seems like a good idea, as I run into lots of interesting people who tell me a variety of interesting things...things our customers may or may not care about! So is it a personal blog? Or a work-related blog? Who am I talking to? If you're out there, maybe I should let you decide...

Here's a bit about me: I am a 40yr. old single mom to one boy, who has been there, done that, and given it all up in favor of raising my boy, and giving him some semblance of what's considered a normal life. Don't kid yourself, I'm not what you think. I work at a 98 year old orchard in NY where we relocated to from Vermont, coming on two years ago...I do the standard 9-5 thing, and spend my evenings and weekends with the boy. I hardly ever get out. It's pathetic, and kind of sweet at the same time. In the process of raising him, I stopped caring about myself so much, and I let myself get all fat and squishy. Sexy, but squishy! I have no real contact with my close friends except on Facebook, reading of blogs, or the occassional phone call, and my BFF is currently in drug treatment 'till June (if they actually let him out, we'll see!). I have a guy or two insterested, and I'm just crossing my fingers on THAT one!

O.k.? How's that? I feel like I've done something...sort of. I've left a lot out. Not sure how much I should or shouldn't say. Again, if you're out there, tell me what you think. More of something? Less? I'll get back to it, soon enough -

Brand Spanky...

O.k., I guess I'm gonna give this a whirl...