travelogue

on July 30th, 2022, my son and I packed up a moving truck and our car, took our cat, and headed to Montpelier, Vermont.  having lived in Vermont for 12 years, I couldn't wait to return after foolishly leaving the Green Mountains for New York State when my son was 3 years old.  you see, I grew up in New York, and when I left, I swore I'd never go back.  but I took a chance on repairing relationships with my family before all the old people died, and while that went swimmingly at best, my chance to go back to Vermont has finally come.  I mean, it came 15 years later than I originally intended, but my son wanted to graduate high school with his class, so I stayed for him, and we had some good times along the way.  but graduate he did, and not only is he going to go to college, he's going to college in Vermont, and I couldn't be happier!

 

so proud of my Teen!

 

well, I could be happier, if we're being honest, because unfortunately, the housing we thought we had ended up falling through.  not to worry, though, because I am in intrepid traveler, and though it's been a challenge to get through this experience with a pissed-off, stressed-out teenager and his rather demanding cat, I am navigating these waters as best I can with the tools I have.  so I thought I'd tell you a bit about how that's been going...

we originally landed at the house of someone I used to know (more on this in the last post), and spent the first few days of August settling in, enjoying the gorgeous late-summer weather, and starting all the processes of establishing residency, such as transferring my car registration/insurance/driver's license, looking for more permanent housing, and going to job interviews.  unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, we had to leave our landing pad much sooner than anticipated, and without having made any advance plans, fell prey to the price gouging at local hotels like the Best Western Plus in Waterbury - Stowe.  now, to be fair, this was a cushy room that came with two gigantic fluffy beds (I prefer a firm mattress), lots of pillows, wifi, tv, lots of parking, a pool and fitness center (much to the Teen's delight), and a delicious buffet breakfast that included most American favorites, and then some.  they claim to be pet friendly, but we were so fried when we got there, we forgot to ask, and just chose to sneak the cat in, and keep the room immaculate so they would never even know she was there.  we ended up staying two days and splitting the bill, which ran us about $300/night each.  though the Teen really liked the accommodations, I didn't like the price.  oh...I forgot to mention the tub!  it was HUGE!  and I filled it all the way up with hot water, and had a good soak.  the tub alone was worth the price, but at those rates, there was no way we could even afford to stay as long as we did.

 

while my chronic lower back issues didn't appreciate the softness of the bed, our cat Nahiri certainly did!

 

from there, we still weren't entirely sure where to go or what to do, so we ended up back in my old college town, at a local campsite I knew of, but had only been to once for some reason I can't remember.  the proprietress there is pretty sharp, and figured out that we were homeless, so I just told her the whole story, and while she agreed to let us stay for a few days, she insisted we have a tent, and not sleep in the car.  since my tent and camping gear are buried in the back of the storage space because I didn't think we'd need them (mistake) we ran off to the closest big box store I wouldn't normally shop at (but these weren't normal circumstances) to buy a tent, some blankets, and food that can cook over a fire (burgers).  we spent a perfectly lovely few days by the Winooski River at the Onion River Campground.  now, if I had planned to go camping, this is definitely the kind of place I would choose.  it's clean and quiet, with a rustic bathhouse, trails, blueberries to pick, and plenty of room between campsites.  many of the folks there were set up for long stays, and I admired the effort they put in to making their campsites appear homey, with outdoor furniture, fenced areas for their pets, flowers and plants, twinkly lights, wind chimes, and more.  I want to be one of those people someday!

 

we were camped on 'the beach', which you can see on the map at the link.

now, our cat has never camped before, or been in a hotel room, or traveled long distances in a car...and she did not like the tent.  in the middle of the night she started pacing around and yowling, then she started scratching to get out, so I got up (I wasn't really sleeping anyway - lower back issues) and took her in the car so she couldn't slip off into the night.  neither of us was happy, and I got no rest.  I think we may have spent another night or two in the car before deciding to spring for another motel room, this time the Marshfield Inn & Motel, and their glorious pet-friendly room #8 for $124/night!  my mom enjoyed staying at the Marshfield Inn a few times back in the day when I lived in the area, so it felt nice to be there again, now that my mom is gone.  we were exhausted from bouncing around, catching random meals here and there, and dealing with the cat's distress, so it was nice to have a respite where we could all sit comfortably in our own space and stretch out, the cat could take her harness and leash off and move around freely, we could shower, connect to wifi, make use of the mini-fridge and microwave, and I could SLEEP on a Firm bed (praise all the deities!).  it was a good few days. 

after that, when we'd been driving around without a place to go for so many hours I needed to get off the road for everyone's safety, we got ripped off at the Comfort Inn & Suites at Maplewood who said we could have a room for $220/night, but charged my card $320 instead.  when I went back to the front desk to discuss the issue, the receptionist was incredibly rude, though eventually agreed to refund me $100.  she didn't, but she did refund me $50.  when I called to complain about that, they called me a liar and hung up on me.  so who cares about the amenities there, because they suck, and no one should go there, ever.  and their breakfast was bland and tasteless.  ugh.  I hate them so much for taking advantage of me like that, and I'm getting angry all over again!  luckily for us, the Marshfield Inn had another pet-friendly room available, so we jumped at the chance to stay there again.

this room - room #9, still a bargain at $144/night - has a small kitchen that comes with a mini-fridge/freezer, counter &  sink, a hot plate, and pots and pans to cook with.  also some cups, dishes, utensils, and other amenities.  I can't even tell you how happy my son was to be able to cook a few meals!  to be fair, he much prefers the fancier hotels with the pools, fitness centers, and squishy beds, but I'm happier in Marshfield with a fan rather than a/c, the peace and quiet, the hiking trails and swimming holes, the general stores, and the view.  while we were waiting for the room, we took a ride up to Danville where I remembered from my college days the American Society of Dowsers had a little bookstore and a labyrinth.  the bookstore was closed, but it was lovely to walk the path overgrown with mint and clover that smelled so good as my sneakers gently crushed them, soaking through with morning dew.  and once we saw a sign for the Great Vermont Corn Maze, there was no stopping my pursuit of joy within all the chaos!

 

the labyrinth path is a bit overgrown, but if you know the way, you can find it ~

 

the corn maze was great fun - there are options to explore the BIG Maze, which "covers 24 acres and is approximately a 3 hour hike complete with 100' of bridges", but we did the Scenic Maze because I figured "a 40 minute hike through the BIG Maze using directions found along the way" would be enough of a challenge for me, and it definitely was!  we also chose the option to collect 4 'journey stones' along the way, but I liked them better than the reward you were supposed to turn them in for, so I kept them, and bought the reward anyway!  the kids' area looked like so much fun, but I was struggling at that point, and didn't have the stamina to play.  the little store at the end of the trail had candy, ice cream and drinks, t-shirts, postcards, and other little ephemera to commemorate your visit, as well as an aerial photo of the mazes through the years (all the way back to 1999!) so you could see the areas you hiked through if you took notes, which we did.  they're also a beef farm, and we would have bought some of their beef if we had known we would have a way to cook it later!  as the kids say, "100% would recommend"!

 

"mayday!  mayday!  I appear to be piloting this vessel incongruously named 'French Toast' through a large field of corn, please advise!"

 

after another few days at the Inn, we had another night in the car before stumbling upon the Firefly B&B in Lincoln.  they claimed to be pet-friendly, yet hadn't counted on someone traveling with a cat, though after chatting with her a bit about our situation, the proprietress - Issy - agreed to let us stay as long as our kitty stayed in the room, and generously discounted our room to $90/night (cash or check only - no credit cards).  that was fine with us, as we were getting up early the next morning to head to our storage space to pick up my son's trunks and bins for college, and we needed a safe place to stash the kitty while we drove back and forth all day.  it was hard, but we got it done...well, the Teen got it done, I was mostly useless other than as the driver.  then I cried as I made my way back to the Firefly alone, for my first night as an empty-nester, without even a nest.  good thing I stopped for a creemee on the way back...if you don't know, in Vermont, soft-serve ice cream is called a creemee, and it's pretty serious business in this state.  we all have our favorites, and we swear by them!

 

this one came from Papa Nick's in Hinesburg - it was Bragg Farm good, but not Dairy Creme or Crossroads good!  😀

so, my son's 'summer of homelessness' ordeal is over, and he has a little bit of time to relax into his new surroundings and collect himself before classes start in a few days.  I've mostly been parking in places like the two local synagogues that I know of, and my old college library parking lot to take naps, but I can't ever really get a full 5 hours of rest in the car, let alone more.  and then I'm falling asleep every five minutes, and shouldn't be on the road.  so, I finagled a deal with the innkeeper at the Marshfield Inn & Motel for one of their pet-friendly rooms for a week, at a greatly discounted rate (just under $400 for 6 days).  they gave me room #9 again so I have the little kitchen, and I think the cat feels safer here because she's already been here a few times.  I can't believe it's been almost a month of this already, and I still don't feel any closer to being settled in terms of having housing, any social services, or a job.  there's no way I could keep a job with all the moving around, and sleep-deprivation!  so I need some help to pay for the room this week, and I've mostly been using my time here so far to figure out where I'm going to stay next, and see how many tarot sessions I can fit in while I'm stable enough to do a few readings.  

 

magicians

 

I haven't made it up the hill to visit the person who's caring for my houseplants in at least a week, and I do need to visit my plants, I miss them so.  the Teen is being standoffish with me and not answering my texts, and the cat misses her favorite human and is being overly clingy.  I'm hoping to see if I can't find someone to foster her for a bit while I navigate the 'next step', whatever that may be - and I hope it's some form of employment, because I need the cash.  if you can't tell from the above commentary, all these rooms and driving around have blown a hole in my finances, and I still have expenses to cover, including helping the Teen out with any college related needs, and litter/food for his cat.  and let's all keep a prayer in our hearts for my dear car, without which, none of this would be possible.  I hope you enjoyed this 'trip around Vermont', and that you feel compelled to send some funds our way - I'm happy to offer you a tarot reading in return.

this is a link to the gofundme a few of my friends set up

this is a link to my paypal

thanks!

ABC Wednesday Again? Sure, Why Not!

click the logo to go to the blog

A is for...

come on, you know you want to say apples, unless you want to sing "Alligators All Around", like I do right now!

but that's only because I saw it posted somewhere recently, and didn't play the video, so the chorus has been ringing in my head, and this seemed the perfect opportunity to listen to it.  I've been thinking about doing another round of ABC Wednesday for awhile, and now that's it's back around to 'A' (I've been watching it), I jumped right in, completely unprepared.  but as I mentioned above, a great many of us 50-something Americans think 'apple' when someone says 'A is for', and to follow on the theme started by Roger, who is hosting this round, I thought I'd take us back to The Unused Portion's humble beginnings:

Good to the Core!

aww!  if that isn't my little monkey about to take a bite out of that Empire Apple!  back when he was still just a mini-Vermonter, trying to figure out how to get along in NY, even if Mama did work at an apple orchard.  and that t-shirt...it was a dress on him for years, but once he grew into it, he grew right out of it.  it's long gone, now...this picture was taken the summer before he started kindergarten, when The Unused Portion was 4 months old.  now he's about halfway through his first year of high school, and this blog has been active for 10 years running!

so, the history of this blog and ABC Wednesday is that I first jumped in in September of 2012, on the letter 'I', skipped 'Q', and made it all the way to 'W' before I gave up.  in 2015, I gave 'A' & 'B' a go, but didn't go any further until 2016, when right around this time, I started another round on 'A', in which I commemorated the recent death of David Bowie, and that was the end of it.  until now.  so in the interest of getting this entry into the linkup before there's 4000 people in there, that's all I'm going to post, and start thinking up something for next week!

*and Roger's post isn't about apples, after all - it's about Alaska.  I guess it's the intro post he writes for the ABC Wednesday site that was about apples.  he says his favorite is the Macoun, which I always pronounced "ma-COON", but when I worked at Soons Orchard, Mr. Soons said it "ma-COW-an", and it was his farm (through his daddy and grand-daddy), so that's how I said it, too.  I'm not sure about a favorite...the boy ate an Empire a day back then, so I was always flush with those, but I also liked the Gala, Winesap, Braeburn, Cameo, and Jonagolds!  not working on an orchard, you kind of have to take what you can get, and at my local store, that tends to be Galas and Honeycrisp.  I'm a bit biased against the Honeycrisp, though, so I never buy them!  how do you like them apples?

PaD #10 - emotion

I was having trouble with this one, so naturally I went overboard...

calm

peaceful

playful

desirous

joyful

anxious

sad

proud

nostalgic

melancholy

love ♥ 

 

PaD #31: toothbrush

the toothbrushes always go in last.  leaving for Vermont in the morning to start my Master's residency - go me!

so what type of toothpaste does a peace freak conspiracy crunchy organic mama use? why, the least expensive sulfate and fluoride-free brand on the market!

thanks for playing along with my 'photo a day' in July, it definitely was a challenge.  well, off to finish cleaning and packing and making sure my kitties are taken care of, and washing all the dirty dishes before I go...big fun on the horizon, more change coming soon ♥

PaD #27: on the road

a cinch, as I love being on the road, and I frequently shoot from the driver's seat when I am filled with the spirit and freedom of travel...

somewhere in Pennsylvania

Plainfield, Vermont

Mt. Tremper, New York

Happy Jew Year

See, I can say that because I'm a Jew...though it's almost Celtic New Year as well.  Anyway, it's been awhile, as once again I've gotten bogged down in my process, had a million things to do, didn't feel good, had a fly on my toe, and whatever other excuses I feel like making because it's MY blog, and I can write or not write as I see fit.  But.  I think about writing every day.  I think 'I should write about this or that, but I can't because I'm supposed to be working on (insert any number of other things I need to be working on here)'.  Pathetic, right?  And Hey!  I just got an email!  Why don't I jump over to facebook and see who said something witty about someone else's kid putting underpants on their head, YAY!  Oh, never mind, it was from the PTA...

So, yeah - the last time I posted was before I headed up to Vermont for what I hope was my last residency as an undergrad (but I've been here before, kids, don't get too excited).  The weather was amazing, the residency was fully inspiring, we got to hang out with good friends, the boy got to spend the weekend with his dad, and I didn't crash the car into anything.  Big win all around!  Then we came home to hurricane Irene, and spent more than week cleaning up the mess she left behind, and all I wanted to do was sleep off the recurrence of the skin rash that re-erupted while I was at the residency.  My right ankle and my face (neck, decolletage, arms) swelled back up and began oozing, itching, peeling and generally drove me insane for the better part of a month, until my face finally managed to normalize, and my ankle is back to just the oddly inexplicable patch of horrendous that has lived there for many years, and remains a mystery to my health care practitioner.  I'm thinking it's food related - I'm looking at you, Dairy and Wheat (and sugar)!  I did a one week juice fast - I was hoping to do two weeks, but my alarming inability to plan meals and budget my money precluded that - which helped me recover, I think, and I'd like to do another one, now that I have a better idea of how to do it properly.

The young one went back to school - 2nd grade! - and started taking karate twice a week.  He's doing great, bringing me home grades to make a mama swoon with pride, and a talking in class issue that makes me want to scream.  Although if being a chatterbox is the worst of what I have to deal with from him, then I'm just going to take a deep breath, and institute a rewards system - so the child is exuberant and social, big deal.  I'm simply not going to punish him for it - help him work on curbing it, yes.  Freak out?  Big N.O.  Counting my blessings and picking my battles over here, thanks!

Then there was the Epic Court Nonsense of 2011 - my lovely 'mother' and her heinous lawsuit.  Guess what?  SHE LOST!!!  HAHAhahahaa!  She spent thousands of dollars to get a judge to tell her she was/is out of line, and needs to back off of me post haste.  I was so high on good feelings and energy after that, I could have flown home on my own harmonious vibration!  What's really interesting, is that now the case is over, she wants to be my new best friend and hang out all the time and call and email...like she didn't sit in a court of law, swear an oath, and attempt to paint a picture of me as a mentally unbalanced and abusive mother, undeserving of anyone's respect.  Priceless!  Whatever.  She failed to convince anyone of that non-reality, and I refuse to allow her to just pretend it didn't happen.  What she did was so beyond unacceptable that I will never allow her back into my life in a way that gives her power to hurt me or my son ever again.  I am forgiving, forgetting and moving on - but I want very much to remember the pain and anguish she put us through this past year, so I can avoid falling into one of her sick traps when she sets them.  The power is mine, now, and the best way for me to use it is to build a better relationship with my child, based on love, respect, understanding and open lines of communication.  To further spread my net of joy and connectedness, to revel in the beauty of ALL life, and the ties that bind us to this beautiful planet and each other.  To find the silver lining...and to help others find theirs.

I feel very close to experiencing pure bliss, and I have more good days than bad, at this point.  I feel enlarged, as if my soul is making room for the explosion of blessedness seeping in from every direction as I settle into the 'dark half' of my 42nd year, and 'answers' reveal themselves at such an alarming rate that it gives me vertigo!  I hope the good energy that is flowing through me is finding a way to reach you, and that You, whoever you are, are open to accepting it with all your heart.  Wish me luck on having the grounding to be able to complete my project, this time around, and help me find the strength to close the door on that chapter of my life so I can walk towards new dreams, achieve new goals, and fulfill some long buried desires.  I love you all - whoever you are - I love you. ♥

Another Year in Review

Holy crap, another year gone?  It's hard to believe that another year has slipped by so quickly, and where the fuck am I ?  Same goddamned place, a bit worse or a bit better for wear - I'm not sure, it's a hard call.  Maybe I'll leave it to you to decide...

Last year found me out of work, and deciding to go back to school.  That didn't work out so well.  All it left me was further in debt, and still without my degree.  I felt inspired to do some really positive work, and I still do, but 'real life' keeps getting in my way - which is stupid, because creating is the only 'real life' I have, and everything else is just another bullshit way to make paper, another endeavor I have proven to be most unsuccessful with.  'Nexus', my epic work-in-progress still has not seen the light of day, and I started a few other projects that have now been relegated to the top of the 'when I have time and money' pile.  I didn't just walk away from Goddard - once again, events transpired to derail me from my chosen path, and that calls into question either my commitment to my work, or my inability to stand true in the face of adversity, take your pick.  Or have both, I'm not choosy.  Epic fail, both ways, in my opinion.

The biggest obstacle to my pursuit of the elusive degree was The Fight, as I will call it.  The unequivocal nail in the coffin of the relationship I had with my former relatives, the 'family' I was born into.  While I do, and will, miss my nephew and nieces, they will all eventually turn 18 and make their own decisions.  Other than them, and a few cousins, I'm not really all that unhappy to see the rest of them go.  Had I left them without a word 22 years ago, my life may have taken the shape I keep willing for it by now, without all the lingering clouds of doubt cast by the naysayers who never had my best interests in mind.  Sadly, The Bitch has brought this stupid, useless lawsuit into my life, and I fear it will take awhile longer to be fully rid of them after all.  We will all have cake and do our happy dance together when it is done - with the Universe's blessing, I pray with all my heart, to please let it be so.

The stress that The Fight has caused in my life has undoubtedly contributed to the tinnitus I now suffer from on a constant basis, as well as the rash that resides on my right foot.  To be fair, the rash has been there for awhile (though not as long as these 'familial issues'), but the scratching of it is a stress-response, to be sure.  On the other hand, my doctor ran some blood tests and found me to be seriously deficient in the vitamin D department, and beefing up on that particular necessity has helped calm the hurt.  I haven't been smoking for awhile now, coming up on 8 months, just one month short of the longest I've gone without cigarettes for the past 27 or so years of addiction, and I'm pretty happy about that!  My skin seems to have healed pretty well from the burning swelling itchy what-the-fuck that happened as an assumed (more blood tests, awaiting results) allergic reaction to one of the supposedly healthy things I ingested in my attempt to walk the road to wellness - the culprits include the vitamin D, the probiotic, the fish oil, or the 'mercury cleanse', with suspicion resting heavily on the fish oil and the cleanse.  More on that when I get the results of the latest vampirism.  Also a high note - neither Zev nor I have suffered from any of the annual cold/flu/sinusitis/ear infections since our exodus from the County of Orange, and I am thanking the Universe for that blessing as well.  And I'm down 10 pounds, to boot...though, again, that may just be from stress.  Whatevs, I'll take it where I can get it!

We will, unfortunately, be moving again, and I wish the decision to where wasn't plaguing me the way it is.  On the one hand, I frakking hate NY, and have a sincere itch to hightail it back up to VT with all possible haste.  On the other hand, the boy is doing super-awesome in school, and I don't want to remove him from yet another peer group.  In NY I have a job and decent health care, the kid's in a good school, and I have one close friend who I feel I can almost count on.  In VT I have the child's father, and a few close friends I can mostly count on.  I need to leave my apartment because I've managed to somehow be blessed with a section 8 voucher (housing assistance), and the apartment I'm in is not approved by them.  I can take my voucher anywhere in the U.S., so...for once I have some options, and I want to think carefully about where I need to be that will best serve my child and me on as many fronts as possible.  I feel torn in too many directions - hell, I could go out West and make a go of it in AZ or OR.  I even had an offer of asylum in VA!  What to do what to do...  If not for the boy, I'd have been following the Rainbow/Renaissance train long ago.  Screw this living in places and putting down roots - I have Gypsy blood, and it likes to roam, stereotypes aside.  But the boy, oh, the boy...

The boy is AMAZING!  I can't believe how completely awesome he is, even in the wake of all this confusion.  He is smart and loyal, and friendly and funny, and cute as a very cute button and wise beyond his years - he is imaginative and playful and brave and persnickety, he drives me crazy and brings me joy, blows my mind and makes me so very proud.  He's soft and sweet and gentle, he loves babies and kittens and superheros and ninjas and Jedis, Godzilla and Legos, he loves to draw and cut paper, makes pop-up cards, and brings his mama flowers when she's feeling down - flowers that he makes himself out of cut paper.  He loves to dance and sing, tries desperately not to be afraid of monkey bars and riding his bike without the training wheels, saves all his pennies and likes to wear a suit and tie.  He tries to be brave, and for the most part, he succeeds - thunderstorms can still be troubling, though he says he's over it now.  I couldn't love him any more, but if there's a way, I will find it!  He is truly the greatest thing I have managed to bring in to this world, my child of love and light and harmonious vibrations, and he has taught me volumes on who I don't want to be (read:  my own parents), and shows me every day how to ask forgiveness and improve.  I know, I know, you parents of teens and beyond, I've only just begun this journey, but it goes fast, and I want to stay present in it and glory in it's majesty while I can.  Yes, it makes me crazy when he thinks he knows more than me, or chastises me for drinking soda, but it's also very sweet, and I want him to feel confident enough to voice his opinion when it is helpful - like a few weeks ago, when I was having trouble remembering if I was supposed to be traveling North or South on that particular highway, he piped up from his booster seat, "it's South!  I read the directions!"  My angel..!

We had a great Summer, last, and I can't wait to be free of the routine of school (until camp starts) so we can explore the swimming holes and camping trips this Summer has to offer - we have a trip planned to High Valley with our Lake Circle friends, but Rainbow will be out in Washington this year, and I wish with all my heart our car and finances could carry us out there, but I think they most likely will not (the car is in sad shape after the crash of a few weeks back).  I cheesed on my friend's Summer Stock blog-share thing last year, but I hope to remember to find joy in collecting images again this year - be they digital images, or actual photographs.  I don't have the luxury of a garden with this apartment, and the few plants I had left suffered greatly in the last move, but hopefully our new digs will afford me the opportunity to stick my hands in some soil again, soon.

Still no boyfriend, and all those presenting themselves for the possibility are sorely lacking.  The ex says I'm just too damn fat to expect anything more, but he can kiss my firm, plump ass and like it.  Somehow, I manage to convince myself I am still beautiful.  Many of my friends are struggling with desperately difficult circumstances, and I continue to be there for them through my own struggles, because that's what keeps us holding on - being there for each other.  I have probably alienated some of the people in my life whose lives are smooth sailing for the most part, for the simple reason that they just don't need me.  I like to be needed.  I like being leaned on, and holding people up - because I know that when I fall, they will be there to catch me.  I have never made anyone feel ashamed of anything they've done, or judged them harshly for their choices.  I sympathize, empathize and commiserate - I understand.  This is all the blessing I have to give to you right now, dear readers, but know that you can call on me whenever for whatever, and I will be there as best I can for you.  Even those of you who don't know how to be there for me.

Selah

supermoon

Saturday was a great day, really fun.  The boy and I went to the park, rode his bike over to check out the skate park, played at Small World which is apparently only one of the complexes playgrounds, rode around some more, came home for a nice warm late lunch, and decided to drive the 4 hours to Vermont to see his dad's new band play at P-Pie in Montpelier.  Sure, why not?  I'm always up for a night out dancing to great live music, and the kid could take a nap on the drive and stay up late with the party people, so off we went, me with extra layers, the small one with his ninja gear and stuffies.  Yay!  The drive was as fine as could be - the only thing missing was my BF, my good time friend, in the passenger seat, smiling out into the distant night, singing along with me and the radio, feeling fine.

As the boy was lulled by the asphalt rhythms, and I was left to myself, I thought how awful a parent I must be for driving to Vermont to take my son to see loud rock band in a bar late at night.  What was I doing?  I was taking my kid to a gig at a bar in a city 4 hours away late at night because his dad was playing guitar for a rock band and our friends were meeting us there and would probably be drunk and we would sleep on a couch or something and head home in the morning.  Yup.  I'm insane.  And I mourned my son, and pondered mythology, feeling across the ages to hold Mary's hand as she watched them crucify Jesus, thinking about the mythology I had begun, and wondered where I would let it take me, where it would lead.  How I would be led.  I saw then a partner, a shining light, felt his love beaming out at me from that empty shotgun seat, and I understood again how everything was just going to be okay, and I smiled my joy singing out into the fly by night...calling to Dionysus' panther that I wouldn't mind a lift.

And as I was Ariadne, riding that panther, making the miles disappear under the wheels of my modern godly chariot, I watched a giant yellow moon rise enormous over the horizon; held spellbound by the sight of Her, brought to my metaphorical knees by the Beauty, I swayed in my seat in my true happiness, savoring the delight of the Moment, blessed as it was, and sweet.  Joyousness must have woke my angel, because as he stirred, and looked to catch my eye in the rear view, That Moon broke free of the trees and floated up into the sky like a luminous Eye, and looked down upon Everything, and I held out my hand to her, reached to bask in her smooth amber glow, and I saw the eyes of my son read Her light along it's reflection in the silver circles on his mother's arm, and we were holy again.

I got a bit worried that they might not play long, and that we might miss them, that we drove all this way for nothing, and made my attempts at teleportation, but got frustrated, missed a turn somewhere and ended up a half an hour down the road from where I wanted to be, and when.  Tragic.  I pounded that last 30 minutes hard, had all the gears firing, was vibrating with it as we pulled up in a dusty ball of kinetics coming to rest all at once in a hurry.  Bam.  Here we are.  We rushed breathless to the door, to the big window where we could see in that my friends were not on the stage, to scan the crowd and catch the eye of our longtime friends, who smiled and came out to give happy hellos on the sidewalk, and bring us news of our luck - we hadn't missed a thing, right on time in fact, even a bit early.  Look at all the people we know in here, and while he's the youngest, mine is not the only kid in the place, there are several, whom we all know, and all belong to the band.  One of two who belong to my friend is even old enough to drink at the bar with us now, its own kind of joyous heartbreak, that bittersweet aching that is enlightened life.

They played super, like the moon.  Bad Dog.  Round and full and growled and fur, naked and smoky and Joe.  Down with it, dirty, like inside your mind.  Shake it out, dance with it, I turned it all the way up and got it on.  The boy held on and got up in the madness, my brave little soldier, seeing what he can see.  I let it muck me about and turned with it, grasping on and shooting it out around me, joining them in, working it through, being part of it.  It was somehow sublime.  The music the guitar and the drum make have always caught me, and I really dug the singer, need to hear more of the bass to know it, but wow.  Groove-diggity, fantastic.  Full on under the supermoon...yeah!  Wanting more.

Oh, so tired after many long hours, back to the house for the sleep on the mat on the floor, all still abuzzing at 4:30 in the good times, attempting to bring it down and be with it, ground and rest.  The morning will hold its own challenges, and sleep sleep  sleep...

and as for you

Right.  My face.  It just got so bad.  I took pictures, but they're too horrible, and I decided I can't post them, so you'll have to believe me.  With my face all blown up like a baked potato, and stinging so bad there was no relief from the burn, I decided to head to the ER and just see what a professional person of the medical arts might say.  They said a bunch of stuff, shot me up with an IV of lord-knows-what and saline, and sent me on my way with a couple of prescriptions.  Boy am I glad I embarked upon this quest for health and wellness!

Thankfully, the prednisone took the swelling down pretty well, but my skin still appeared red and hella-chapped.  Yes - so bad I said hella.  I decided to head to VT on a whim last Saturday
night, too, and thinking it would be an in & out job, brought naught more than the clothes on my back...but I got stuck.  The blanket I slept under irritated my skin badly, and I woke up with fresh bruises from scratching.  Then I got a flat tire, and in my attempt to change it, I dropped the car off the jack.  When I finally managed to get it back up off the pavement and put the donut on, I spent the rest of the morning driving around looking for an open tire place to no avail, so I took the boy to P-Pie and resolved to stay an extra day.  Alas.  It would have been perfectly alright to spend another day visiting in VT, eat another Coffee Corner breakfast, say hey to folks we met along the way, but I didn't bring the little blue bills that apparantly kept my 'sunburn' in check (our waitress did in fact ask if I had a sunburn), and the burning Itch was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.  After another mostly sleepless night, we struck out first thing Monday morning, got a new tire, and headed South - into the flurries, which were just flurries as we headed out of Montpelier.  By the time we were done winding our way along 107 towards Killington, the pavement was white, and I was crawling along at a white-knuckle 20 mph, praying the semi that was stopped at the crest of the hill would move before I had to hit my brakes and lose any momentum I could have counted on to get myself over that hump - with another semi coming in fast in my rear view.  I didn't make it.  The semi behind me kissed my back bumper and came to a stop, while I fishtailed my way up the last few hundred yards of snowy slalom to pull in at the gas station and break down in tears, while gulping in huge breaths of air, my first since the long moments when I saw that truck coming up behind me.

We got some snacks, took a potty break, and sat in the car until the snow appeared to taper off a bit, and I'd seen a few plow trucks go by before I attempted to slide down the other side of the mountain to our certain doom.  I started off slow, mindful of my traction and the cars I passed on the shoulder with their hazards on.  I managed not to have a heart attack or hurtle us into oblivion over the edge of a cliff, and I found that as I pulled into Rutland and turned onto 7, that we were going to live, and even get back to Woodstock this very afternoon, that I could count on a shower in T minus 2 1/2 hours.  Once we hit the Thruway, it was smooth sailing, and I was under the boiling hot water by 5pm, dosed on a blue pill, and breathing my relief into the steam.  Now, 4 days of liberal slathering of moisterizer later, I feel that I've really had just about enough of this facial catastrophy I've been dealing with, fully acknowledging that I did it to myself, but who knew and all that, and it's moot at this point.  It's looking much improved right now, even though it was threatening to come back in force, which makes me think I'm on the 'better' side of the whole experience, yay team (blue pills and moisterizer).

"How I Spent My Summer Vacation"

It was such a busy Summer, I hardly posted here at all! We went camping twice (PA and upstate NY), spent 10 days in Vermont, many days at the waterpark, and a couple at the Renaissance Festival.  Here are some of the highlights:

love this one

straight out of the Blackberry

messed with

renfair

rraahhh!

new favorite puppet

us

oh, and the little darling wrote me a book!  get a copy - only $7!  Seriously!

As you can see, all I ever point my lens at these days is my beautiful boy!  While he's quite photogenic, it does make me realize I need to reclaim my personal creativity a bit, and remember to take time to just shoot.  We are about to move (again) and the boy will be switching to a new school one month into the school year, which is a shame, but it's the right thing to do because of personal issues that I will most likely address in a forthcoming post...  Keeping my fingers crossed for things to be settling down in a few more weeks, and that I will be able to get back into the routine of posting with more regularity.  Hope you all had as much fun as we did, and that you're looking forward to Autumn as much as I am!  Oh, and buy a copy of my kid's book - it's really fun!

(^_^)

residency

Wow.  Well.   Home again.  I was only gone 10 days, but it seems like a different world.  Sitting in discussion all day with like-minded individuals, reaching to form connections between the work we do, the ways in which we understand it, and how it relates to the world at large outside of our picturesque New England bubble.  Fantastic..!  Now I'm here, in my apartment, wishing I was living there, holding on to the excitement and inspiration of a Goddard residency, thinking about how I can relate all that great information to my daily life, experience and practice.  I can already feel the ennui sinking in - we got home last night at midnight, I went to bed at 2 - as I sit in front of the computer doing nothing productive, and the boy plays alone in the other room, neither of us having had a proper anything to eat, or stuck our heads out the door to sniff at the sunshine yet today.  To be fair, we're pretty road-tired, and there's nothing wrong with taking a day to sit around in your underwear doing nothing but what you're moved to from one minute to the next, but I don't want to lose the momentum of being intensely engaged with my work all day, every day.  I had such a desire to get home so I could start hammering out some pages, saw the whole project laid out in my mind all tied up with a little bow and more work still to come - so I feel a need to overcome the comfort of 'things', and the enticement of easy distraction my apartment offers before I can even begin to fall into the abyss.  Just turn my back on it, and walk away.  Step one:  take it out of the bedroom...

It was also wonderful just to be in Vermont and go visiting, hang out with folks, eat at P-Pie (the Plainfield location, which is much more hippie hideaway than the website makes it out to be) and Coffee Corner, look at For Rent signs, check out the creative projects my friends are working on, get in the water at Paradise.  I saw that dude I slammed in an earlier post walking around town, and he crossed the street to avoid saying hello to me, which is weird, because he still attempts to flirt with me via IM on occasion, but I'm glad he did because I didn't feel like talking to him, either!  The boy had a great time shopping at Woodbury Mountain Toys, getting a dragon painted on his arm at the Montpelier farmer's market, and four-wheelin' up on the mountain with his dad!   We also stopped in to one of the glassblowing studios I used to work at, and watched the apprentice blow a few pieces.  Big fun all around!  Vermont rocks, and I sure would love to find my way back there soon enough.  We'll see what life has in store, just flow with the program, let the river run.  There's a whole pile of people I didn't get to see, which leads me to believe I may have a more active social life if I moved back there, but the pull of family is kind of strong - though ideally elastic and malleable, so one can attempt to stretch it, as I have, with varying results. We'll see, we'll see...no need to figure it all out today, there's a lot of work that needs to be done between now and then.  Step two:  break the work down into sections and set a schedule.

Ugh.  I want to crawl right back in bed and go to sleep.  I need to get up and carpe diem (at 6pm)...and I'm hungry.  Step three:  enjoy my success!

...it's all about family

So, I wanted to write about my experience at High Valley, where I went camping with a bunch of old friends a few weeks ago.  They said we had all camped there before, but I didn't remember.  After we'd been there a few hours, once it got dark, I started having flashes, bits and pieces of time out of my life that had disappeared, returning in manageable, non-lethal doses.  I asked, "was someone married here, under this tree?"  Yes, someone was... 

15 or so years ago, I took my chucks off when I made camp, and set them next to the tent where they remained for...who knows, really?  It was three days of what must have been big fun because as I said, I have no memory of it, except for a blurry mental snapshot of a bride under a tree, my chucks, and parts of a slam-damning awesome ritual!  I remember taking my tent down that last morning, or early afternoon, packing up the car and heading off for a new adventure.  I'm sure my friends wished me well, because, well, they're still my friends, and all our kids just played together for the first time at High Valley this Summer.  I got in my car and drove to Vermont, where I lived for 12 years.  About halfway there, I realized that my chucks where exactly where I had put them that first day of the camp out - on the grass, next to the corner of the tent by the door.  I thought about them laying out there in the field, next to the fading square of the tent's dented grass footprint, and I acknowledged their loss.

Standing there recently, seeing that tree again in the moonlight, remembering the bride under it, I said, "this is where I lost my chucks all those years ago, where we had the awesome ritual!  Yes, I have been here before, now I remember!  This is where I left for Vermont from...wow.  Wow!...wow...and here I am again.  All these years later, with all of you, and our kids...wow."  Mind blowing.

Tonight, I was sitting in the yard, looking for meteors - hey, I saw one last night! - and I thought about my idea of a functional family unit.   In a roomy living space for lots of people that also affords privacy on a proportionately sized piece of land, we would produce minimal amounts of trash by recycling or reusing everything including water (living machines), grow some food to eat and flowers to enjoy, build some useful stuff, be multi-generational, warm and supportive of each other.  We could help empower our community by helping them learn how to nurture their talents for coping and surviving through healing and communication, or whatever suits them best.  I know, it's a utopian dream, but it's not too much to hope for, to live intentionally, like a tribe, each relying on the other. 

Because here I am, back in NY, back at High Valley, 15 years later, kids and all, at the place where I began an important journey, with the same folks who sent me off with their blessings.  What have I brought back for them?  A desire to preserve their culture, to make books and stories.  To tell them, to inform them, to entertain, question and inspire them.  I who gave up or lost everything so I could see what was needed.  Or, I, who took all I could and gave nothing back, never struggled a day in my life, who had more on my worst day than some people have on their best.  Me.  What is it that I've brought back?  Part of it is the wisdom of Bucky Fuller saying there is enough on this planet for ALL of us, for each and every one of us to live our fullest lives, but we have to work for it.  If we do everything we can to ensure the survival of our environment (or organism), than it will ensure ours as well.  I don't want to lose the old arts, we'll need them again.  This is my gift to you ~

Sunlight in Vermont

Here is the boy enjoying one of my favorite spots in the world - a swimming hole in Vermont known as Paradise...

A few minutes later, he was naked and up to his knees in freezing cold water for the Ceremonial Throwing of Rocks Into the River. I won't post those...well, maybe just one, but not today!

This is the classic 'what should I post for Robin's summer stock thing? What is Summer to me? Lying on my back in the grass, staring at the sky, that's what it is...' Turn head to right, frame and shoot.

I liked this, it almost made me feel like a real photographer again, so I decided to take it a step further...

And I really like this one! There's a couple more of them, but I think this is my favorite. Now, on to the words...

We left at the beginning of a torrential downpour...the Volvo did it's ususal worst, sliding all over the road in a manner very unlike a Subaru. And get this! There is a light on the dashboard that lights up to tell me that I'm hydroplaning! Yeah! It distracts me from the very thing that it's warning me to pay attention to! Who's genius engineering idea was this? Whatever. I had a Seattle moment an hour or so into the ride - there's this bridge, an open, arched design that the highway takes you under, and it looks like those bridges outside Olympia, where we got on the highway out there, except those were larger, and had Mt. Rainier towering above them to the right...and what occured to me was how aware I was that I was NOT in Seattle (even with all the rain!). I often forget where in the world I am if I space out while driving, and here was a prime moment to panic - but for the lack of that giant white looming Buddha mountain off to the right, that imposing presence, watching. Maybe waiting. Nope. I was nowhere near Seattle...

Eventually, we made it through to clearer skies, small boy asleep in the back most of the way, my spirits lifting with every sunny mile. Aah... My cell phone cut out. Yaay... Spent the week blissing out on Positive Pie pizza, Coffee Corner breakfasts, creemees, and Paradise. Laying in the grass. I even got to go to a show! My friend's husband wanted to go see the New York Dolls, and asked her if she could get tickets to the show at Higher Ground - she's the music director at the community radio staton WGDR ( http://www.wgdr.org/ ), so she got two tickets, backstage passes, and the possibility of an interview and/or a station ID from some of the band members. Too bad she sent her husband and me! He knew how to work the incredibly technically advanced recording device, but got very drunk very quickly, and I was not prepared to interview the New York Dolls solo, while making an ass of myself fiddling with a device beyond my range of knowledge.

So, oh well. I was disappointed - but the show was GREAT! I LOVED IT! What showmanship! What style! What a cute bass player! Great new venue, too, Higher Ground. I mean, it's been there for years, but they got a new building which is cool - I think there were two shows happening that night, the old place had only the one stage. Good for them.

So yeah. It was a good 'vacation', though I don't feel particularly rested or anything. It was wonderful to be in Vermont, and dig the vibe in Montpelier, and bring the boy to see his dad, and get to the swimming hole and say hey to friends, and eat great food, and do some fun shopping. But I think, that maybe next year, what I REALLY need, is to take myself away. To go be alone for a few days. Maybe go to a spa...or something.

I'm home, now, and back to all the stuff I just threw my hands up at and left a week ago - dishes, yucky stuff in the fridge, the staining of the furniture! Sigh. And BF is home again, but he's hangin' out with that woman, so I don't really want to be around that. Could always use the help, though...Men. What crap.

Well, guess it's time to tell my boss I'm home, and get my be-hind back to work! Sure could use a paycheck...