healing from homelessness (12/12/22 - 4/6/25)

this is a post I started back in mid-February of 2024 when I wanted to talk about my transience and how my various periods of homelessness had affected me more and more over the years.  at that point, I had been housed for around two months and was still recovering from sleeping in the front seat of my car for four or five months.  I was sleeping a lot - like, going to bed at 7pm, waking up at 1am, puttering around for an hour or three, and going back to bed until I needed to wake up to get ready for work.  it meant working out the kinks in my body from sleeping rough (though not as rough as folks on the street), losing 10 pounds from being able to prepare the foods I wanted, when I wanted, and seeing my A1c drop several points.  I was beginning to feel like being socially active, and wanted to take part in community activities where I could meet other folks with similar interests.

 

my last apartment in the US, the night I moved in.

 

then I hit a plateau of sorts, as my work schedule firmed up, and appointments happened on days off.  the kid came home from school and was feeling more comfortable in our newest home, and the apartment was getting more organized.  I was still dragging a bit, and that was ok, because I was still coming out of a period of depression and inactivity from the year of mourning my mother, and all that happened as a result of that - international travel, grief, strained relations, family issues, the kid's final year of high school and his attempt to attend college...it was a lot and more.  but I felt the pull towards abundance.  friendships.  quality of life.  I missed my girlfriends from NY (still do).

because I had a good job and was earning decent money I started 'paying it forward'.  I gave one of the homeless girls I worked with some money against a paycheck she couldn't cash because I chose to trust she would pay me back (she didn't).  I contributed to a few gofundme campaigns my 'friends' posted on facebook.  I took an old friend out for a nice lunch for her birthday.  I gave of my time and energy by serving on committees that worked towards building community, attended council meetings, networked with local organizations as well as state and federal agencies, wrote reports, developed surveys and compiled the results for our town and city representatives, and more.  it was a really positive moment in my life, and I thought I had found my place, but I also started to burn out a little.

 

the only picture that exists of me at my desk.  

what I can tell you about this picture is that I'm wearing one of the t-shirts I made with our organization's logo on it, my hair is done up, and I'm wearing jewelry.  that's a level of 'put together' I rarely have the energy to achieve.

 

I tried dating, but that didn't pan out so well (I think I'm just over it).  it was a period of doing what I needed for myself; if that was sleeping a lot and smoking tons of pot, eating out and neglecting the dishes, then I did my best not to sweat it, or myself.  watching another movie, sitting on my ass, not exercising.  not worrying about doing what was 'right' or productive.  sometimes, we do too much.  put it down, it's not your problem.  I yelled at my friend for going on and on about their ex because it had been years since their relationship ended and I really thought it was time for them to move on.  as much as I tried my best to find grace for myself and others, I sometimes failed.  what do You need to put down?  the doubts?  the fears?  the perfectionism?  

...but this was about homelessness, healing, and All My Stuff.  when we had to move quickly (again) after my mom died, we ended up in a furnished apartment for the boy's last year of high school which meant 98% of our things ended up in storage for an entire year, and when he graduated and we moved to VT, we just took everything out of storage in NY, put it in a moving truck, and put it right back into storage in VT until we were able to bring it to the new apartment while the kid was on winter break after his first semester of college (I got the keys and stayed on the floor in the empty place with the cat for that first month).  

 

she was so happy to have room to move around!

 

so after not seeing or having the majority of my things for a year and half, I was in no rush to unpack them because it was somewhat overwhelming.  like I said, the apartment is tiny (in retrospect, and from my apartment in Israel which is half the size of the apartment in VT, it looks like a mansion!), I made the painful choice to let go of the lovely antique curved glass cabinet that my grandparents gifted me when I was 15 or so, and my mother's old steamer trunk.  those two items held most of my nicer collections of things, and my art supplies, respectively.  the art supplies were relegated to some repurposed shelves in a closet, but the scales, antique glass bottles, old dolls, fancy tchachkis, and more I simply repacked into boxes and stored in another closet as there was nowhere to display them, and their display case was gone because it was simply too large and delicate for me to figure out how to fit it in the apartment.  

 

the steamer trunk had been a part of my life as long as I can remember, and I will probably always regret giving up these two items, yet do my best to live with my decision.

I also tried to minimize my book collection, but I had gotten rid of many of the milk crates I used as a bookshelf, so they ended up stacked on the floor in unruly towers.  and as the book 'shelf' was gone, I had no space to set up my altars.  truly demoralizing.  I mean, I did the best I could with one surface functioning as a very rudimentary sacred space, but much like so many of my more precious items, the sacred bits and pieces were mostly still packed away (still are) and would remain so until I felt safe enough to access them.  

safe enough...that's it, really.  that bottom line of 'we never fully unpack because we're always ready to run' thing I used to discuss with certain Romani friends, and how we kept stashes of 'good boxes' for that purpose.  and giving up my 'good boxes' is a hard lesson I still catch myself learning.

so just two short years later (an ongoing pattern in my life with both relationships and apartments) I found myself sifting through my belongings again, making the deepest cuts to date of my beloved items, and moving overseas to fulfill my dream/nightmare of living in Israel.  and guess what?  after the first month of staying in an Airbnb, I ended up kicking around on the edge of homelessness for a few weeks until I managed to find a sublet for a month, then the apartment I've been in for a year and a few months.  I remember reading a horoscope a few days before signing the contract that said "this is the first day of the rest of your life".  so does it feel like home yet?  sorta kinda, not really, almost.  I still have a pile of boxes packed with the last of the precious and sacred items I couldn't bear to part with stacked up in front of the bookshelf, giving the place an unfinished, transient feel because I don't have the money to buy the furniture I need to unpack them onto - yet.  

 

my 'sacred' items and tchatchkis...and probably a few more things I've forgotten about.

 

believe it or not, there's still a few things I left in VT that I meant to bring with me!  oh well.  my son either will or won't bring them to me someday.  if so, I'll find/make space for them.  if not, I'll just add them to the list of things I loved and lost, and hold them in my memory.  

I probably won't hang the artwork/tapestries until I get the furniture/boxes dilemma solved.  since I don't know how long I'll get to stay here, I'm reluctant to 'move all the way in' for fear of feeling At Home, and having to run again.  why?  I had a glimmer of a thought of staying here for...I don't know...years?  a long time - for me?  much as I hate living in a city and would prefer to live in what passes for suburbs here (or lord willing, the country), I have to be realistic about the fact that I make very little money and may never be able to afford anything more, including the car I would probably need if I lived somewhere more rural.  I've never planned ahead, or was any good at setting future goals because I guess I just never imagined living this long, or that I would be able to do anything other than wander through life on the edge of survival.  

and once again, I don't feel connected to my community yet, either.  I don't feel essential at work, or like I'm doing the best that I can there; I don't know anyone in my building or have any friends, though the guy at the local falafel place knows my face, as well as do some of the folks who work at the shops I frequent.  but no one knows my name or would notice if I went missing.  I'm still not eating quite right or exercising, and I haven't managed to figure out the healthcare system to the point of feeling like I'm taking proper care of myself.  the few times I have managed to find the energy for socializing and attend events the other folks were all 10 to 20 years older than me, and/or several tax brackets above me, so I just didn't fit in.  

and I guess there's a part of me that wanted that, because...here I am.  always on the outside, looking in.  feeling the pull of wanting to be part of something larger, while not fitting in anywhere.  both wanting and not wanting to be wanted.  needing to feel needed while not wanting to need anything or anyone.  just wanting something that's Mine that no one else can take away from me.  don't we all want that?  I guess some of us think that's our kids, but once they hit puberty, that dream dies, too.  I do hope my kid comes back around to wanting to be a part of my life, because I love and miss him.  in the meantime, I'm still trying to find out where I fit in, here.  still learning the language I need to be of real use to the people I work with, and get back to the work I was learning to do in my last community.  maybe there's a pattern here that I'm too close to see, yet.  maybe I am slowly weaving my way towards a dream that will find me content and fulfilled.  maybe I am healing from homelessness.

maybe I'm finally finding my way home. 

Six Sentence Story - Flag

 

click here for an article titled "The Flag of Israel:  Facts, Symbol, & Meaning

 

 

today (April 22, 2026) is Yom Haatzmaut (yom ha-atz-ma-oot) in Israel, our Independence Day!  the holiday was established on May 14th, 1948, which according to the Jewish calendar was Iyar 5, 5708.  

 

flag of Rishon LeZion, circa 1882

 

our people have been using a lunar calendar for the past 5,786 years and is the reason why our holidays seem to 'move around' according to the internationally recognized Gregorian calendar, that we also (obviously) use.  

yesterday was Yom HaZikaron - our Memorial Day - established in 1963, because we choose to acknowledge that our freedom comes at the loss of too many of our brave soldiers and people, all of whom we honor with the highest respect, as we wouldn't be able to celebrate our independence without their sacrifice.  the sirens that are used to warn us of incoming rocket and missile attacks are sounded for one minute in the evening to mark the beginning of the mourning period, and again for two minutes in the morning; for the duration of the sirens, all activities cease and no one moves.

 

Zionist Congress flag, 1899

 

while there was an earlier version of our flag created in 1891, and several other designs proposed along the way, the current version we know and love was officially adopted a few months after our independence was established, and was inspired by the 'tallit' - the prayer shawl - worn by men, and some women, during religious services.

 

traditional tallit

 

click here to read all of this week's contributions!

 

generously hosted by Denise Farley of GirlieOnTheEdge

 

Wordle 750

 

click here to read this week's contributions

 

 graciously hosted by Brenda Warren

 

 

 rumbles head walk creature dirt visit criminal mind know thinking exist writer

 

the writer didn't want to know the sorts of things his visit with the criminal had unfortunately put into his head, but there they were.  the thoughts that exist in the mind of that...creature, who until recently, was allowed to walk among them left him thinking there was no hope for humanity at all.  in the aftermath of their interview, he was surprised to find his generally well-ordered ideas all seemed to be aligned against each other like gangs conducting rumbles in the dirt of their childhood playgrounds, caught up in the chaos of having to consider they may not be as forthright as he had previously felt assured.  as if his long held convictions were warring over the assumption of their own sanity in the face of derangement - that the lunacy he had just engaged with might just have a point that people with less confidence in themselves would easily believe and accept.  he shook his head to clear it, and stood briefly in the late afternoon sun to take a deep breath of air in, before releasing it slowly.  he shook his head again as he stepped towards his car, and did his best to compose himself for the drive back to his office, where he would have to formulate a way to present his findings that didn't humanize the criminal or his sick ideas so much that he unintentionally promoted them.

 

Six Sentence Story - March

 

click here to read all the great contributions!

 

generously hosted by Denise Farley of GirlieOnTheEdge

 

The librarian's cell phone rang in the middle of the day, and though she was a bit surprised to see who was calling, she answered in a cheerful tone with, "Hello my darling daughter!  How are you; is everything ok?"

"Well..." Blanche answered slowly, "mostly ok, but...you know those two weeks you were going to take off in March?  I'm going to need you to take them off now.  I'm calling from the hospital where my firstborn and your youngest grandchild is unfortunately being forced to evacuate his comfortable hideout to make his debut in the cold, cruel world - my water broke."

The librarian sat up straight at her desk with a look of shocked surprise on her face and immediately began to print out the directions to the hospital she had saved on her work computer, thanking her superior organizational skills for having planned ahead in case of contingency, while pulling up the travel weather site - thank goodness it looked clear; she was not looking forward to the 6 hour drive in general, but bad weather would have made it intolerable, and her daughter knew that, so she quickly reassured her:  "Do not fear, I am on my way!" 

Wordle 749

 

click here to read all of this week's contributions!

 

generously hosted by Brenda Warren

 

 passion  sweetness  snap  resin  luck  half  melts  turn  taste  summer  rush  hand

 

 

just my luck...

caught by the gushing rush 

    of summer passion, 

my heart melts

    still 

to taste 

    the sweetness  

of how you held 

        my hand

    (fingers entwined) 

in a resin of memory

I wish I could snap 

    in half.

how does love 

    both 

turn to dust

    and 

remain? 

 

Shabbat Pisces New Moon/Vernal Equinox Shalom & Community Reading

 

for the last new moon of the astrological year a few days ago on the 18th, I did all the 'tying up of loose ends' as I could in terms of letting go of doubt, self-sabotage, and negative self-talk, and we'll just have to see how that plays out.  the intuitive and emotional Pisces energy had me feeling creative, and though my sleep has been interrupted, still filled with vivid and imaginative dreams.  in giving myself the space to listen, I've enjoyed honoring what my body needs which is A Lot of rest right now, and I'm grateful to have had the time to indulge myself as much as I have.  the only thing that still feels unresolved - which is kind of big in itself - is my current lack of employment, because I know when that changes, my whole schedule will change with it.  and that will work itself out the way it needs to, as well.

I've been running myself ragged for the past year with getting settled in a new country, learning the language, securing housing, looking for and working at several jobs in a row, dealing with all the bureaucracy, and finding help when I've needed it.  not to mention 'war', with all the added fun of drone strikes, rocket and missile attacks, the aforementioned losing of sleep due to alerts and sirens, runs to the bomb shelter, supporting my mental/physical/emotional health through it all, and managing my concern for my family and friends both here in Israel, and back in the US.  the patterns I see repeating are mostly the ones where I let myself get too stressed out about situations I have no control over (and my ongoing food issues), so I'm still doing what I can to remind myself that I have made it this far by continuing to get back up and try again.  all I can do is rest, and try to breathe through it, because everything is fine in THIS moment, and it all works out in the end.

so...how do I want to FEEL my way into the next astrological cycle?  I know I want to feel happy and grounded.  also safe, secure, and supported.  I'd like to feel myself becoming calmer and have the ability to act more rationally when faced with challenges (without eating everything in the refrigerator).  I know I'd like to soothe myself by engaging with more creative habits - like actually sewing that dress instead of leaving it aside for weeks, and writing in the beautiful journal I took the time to make for myself rather than leave it on the shelf.  and I want to go to the sea even though the beach is currently 'closed' due to the lack of bomb shelters nearby, but I wonder if I can't manage to find myself down there anyway.  I want to feel like I'm succeeding in bringing my vision to light, and sharing it with the world, so that is the wish I am putting out into the Universe.  

 

found online, artist info attached to image

 

we've moved into the sign of Aries, whose energy is FIRE.  today is a day to soak in the heightened frequencies and balance we are enjoying due to the Equinox, and recognizing the clarity that Mercury going direct is bringing us.  this is a time for passion and motivation - but too much of a good thing can cause burnout, so make sure to Look before leaping!  this is not the time to 'jump and hope the net will appear' (my usual M.O.), it's a time to declutter and cleanse, and start a new healthy habit or two in pursuit of our goals.  I find I've mostly been putting my energy towards finding a job - revamping my resume and Linkedin profile, working with a career coach and members of the employment support team at the aliyah agency that helped me get here, looking on the Israeli job boards, working on my networking skills...just really diving in to it, and it feels like the positive forward motion I've needed to turn my inspiration into action.

let's get to the cards.  this week I'm using the Wild Unknown pocket tarot by Kim Krans:

 ...

what is the current collective mood?  three of wands ~

 

 

wands are the suit that represents fire!   and threes represent synthesis.  the introduction of a new idea.  threes can hold, carry, and build.  this is the formulation of a plan to move forward with confidence, and see our way through to our dreams.  that sounds like a generally good mood to me, and reflects where I seem to be standing - are you feeling this?  let me know in the comments!

where will we find the support we need with chasing our dreams?  nine of wands ~

 

 

more wands, I love that FIRE, lol!  coming to the end of the suit this time, having nearly completed our journey through...the 'final step' before we complete the cycle, which can often be challenging.  it usually indicates working alone, which is a pretty clear sign that we've gotten all the help we're going to get, and need to take this last step on our own.  it will take persistence, resilience, and the ability to defend ourselves even through our own exhaustion.  doubt and fear may have us feeling like we're running out of energy to climb this ladder, but take a look back at how far we've come and find the strength to get to the point that is in reach, where all our hard work will pay off.

how can we best focus this Equinox energy to achieve maximum balance in our lives?  four of cups ~

 

 

fours are that platform we build to prop up the synthesis from the threes - a foundation, and a place to work from.  we can take a bit of a rest here and celebrate our wins for a minute...but in this case, we're not very happy with the three cups we already have while turning away from a fourth being offered.  do we not see it?  are we rejecting it?  this card is telling us that from the outside, what we have looks pretty spectacular, so why the apathy?  spending too much time thinking about moving away from everything we've built doesn't help us climb that ladder to success - the balanced energy we're currently in tune with is giving us every opportunity to name what it is we really want, and go after it!  

remember that we've integrated our older ideas with our newer ideas to come up with even better ideas, and we've done it together.  so now we each need to take that inspiration to heart and finish our own part of the work without our support systems, even though we may have moments of doubt.  what would it look like for us to find a way for our internal work to elevate our collective work?  can we find it in our understandably exhausted souls to take those last few steps on our own and find out?  I truly hope we can.

 

contact me over on my facebook page (link below) for a more personalized reading based on your own questions and concerns ~ blessed Equinox, all! 

 💙 

 ﾠ Mysteriam Tarot & Dreamwork

 

Six Sentence Story - Swing

 

click here to read all the entries!

 

 generously hosted by Denise Farley of GirlieOnTheEdge

 

every week that I participate in a certain blog hop, I hope the members of that community will swing by to read and comment on my contribution, as I do theirs.  

I can see that they're reading my posts, and commenting on each other's entries while offering mine the silent treatment, leaving me with a momentarily bitter taste in my mouth - like they're hoping that if they ignore me, I'll go away.  

the sting of their betrayal shows how frail their sensitivities are, as they seem to lack the curiosity to engage with my subject matter, torn as it is from recent headlines.  

I grow restless over their silence, and my confidence would take a massive hit if I hadn't learned to strip myself of the doubts planted by others hiding behind a facade of righteousness, judging me from wherever they are in the world.  

I want to dare them to come to where I am, and learn the truth for themselves, but ultimately I don't bother with such petty foolishness.  

I will continue as I began; writing for me.  

*I wrote this on Sunday using the prompt words for The Sunday Whirl, and wanted to include it here too, so imagine my surprise when it turned out to be exactly six sentences!  I was planning on having to do some editing, but all it needed was for me to add the prompt word in a spot where it fit, and voila!  some of the folks over at the Whirl told me that the process of using a WordPress/Google account to comment on Blogger is cumbersome and problematic, so I took a look at my settings to see if there was anything on my end that was causing an issue, and there doesn't seem to be.  so, I guess the Universe only wants me hear from people who are willing to go the extra mile.  😉  

Selah ~

 

Wordle 748

 

click here to read all the whirls!

 

generously hosted by Brenda Warren

 

 curiosity  restless  sting  hit  facade  hope  bitter  torn  strip  frail  massive  doubts

 

every week that I participate in a certain blog hop, I hope the members of that community will read and comment on my contribution, as I do theirs.  I can see that they're reading my posts, and commenting on each other's entries while offering mine the silent treatment, leaving me with a momentarily bitter taste in my mouth - like they're hoping that if they ignore me, I'll go away.  the sting of their betrayal shows how frail their sensitivities are, as they seem to lack the curiosity to engage with my subject matter, torn as it is from recent headlines.  I grow restless over their silence, and my confidence would take a massive hit if I hadn't learned to strip myself of the doubts planted by others hiding behind a facade of righteousness, judging me from wherever they are in the world.  I want to dare them to come to where I am, and learn the truth for themselves, but ultimately I don't bother with such petty foolishness.  I will continue as I began; writing for me.  

Selah ~

 

Shabbat Jupiter Direct in Cancer Shalom & Community Reading

 

Even though it was two weeks ago already, we're still a bit under the full moon eclipse energy, still releasing those thoughts/energies/relationships/behaviors that we need to be done with, finding our endings, and bringing those cycles to a close.

Luckily, Jupiter went direct in Cancer earlier this week to help us move from having been focused more closely on the microcosm of our own home and family life - where our security and comfort live, our personal well being, motherhood and maternal wounds - towards more bigger picture thinking featuring themes like moving, re-entering the workforce, shifts in our home and family life, including how we feel at home within ourselves.  we're looking for more positive changes that expand upon what's been good for us, and finding the silver linings within our personal clouds.

while this may feel like a huge relief, we're encouraged to release our pent up mental anxiety with trusted friends and family members in order to help us process what's been going on for us during this past winter season.  we're also still in the midst of the Mercury retrograde cycle which will be ending on or around March 20th, when the Sun moves from the sign of Pisces into Aries.  

as we're generally encouraged to refrain from 'texting the ex' during Mercury retrograde due to the high potential for miscommunication, I am embarrassed to admit that I reached out to several people I previously severed ties with to ask if they were interested in reconnecting!  I quickly realized what I had done and laughed about it (I'm usually the one deflecting the attempts of others who reach out to me during retrogrades) and just made sure to watch the responses and not get too involved straight out of the gate.  a few people responded quickly and positively - though one of those I've already seen as an issue and most likely will not follow up with them - and several have not yet responded or have chosen not to (I have no way of knowing whether or not they've even seen my messages), and I'm happy to leave it at that.

it's been an interesting few weeks for sure, so I'm just going to jump right into the cards...I'll be using the Tarot of a Moon Garden deck because it's brightly colored and whimsical, and I'm hoping it will add some lightness and joy to the mostly grey and overcast day outside my windows.

1)  if you went against conventional wisdom this week like I did and reached out to old friends in an attempt to rekindle those connections, was it a good idea?

 

 

Ace of Staffs:  staffs are the element of fire, and as such, this card is associated with Aries, the sign our Sun is heading to next in about a week!  and this ace is all about creative beginnings, fiery inspiration, finding your voice and vision.  it says "Go For It!"  if you're feeling excited about possibilities, then take a chance and follow your instincts (like I did).  start small and if it feels good, keep doing it. ideas are flowing, offering opportunities to grow on a personal and/or spiritual level - but this is also just a spark, and it's up to you to fan the flames of creation (or take that first step towards reconciliation).

2)  in what areas of our lives will we see the most forward motion this week?

 

 

The Magician:  corresponding to Mercury, this card is about converting spiritual energy into real life action - that "as above, so below" we talked about in last week's post, where the macrocosm represents the Universe as a living being, with the microcosm understanding humans as their own Universe, with The Magician as the lightening rod channeling energy between the two.  this says "embrace your creativity tempered with self control, recognize your ingenuity and mastery!"  everything you need to create the life you want is in your hands - move forward, take action, you are ready!  focus and concentrate, then commit.  be methodical in order to stay on track and carry out your tasks...creating your inner world will cause your outer world to follow.  so make those careful plans and act on them!

3)  so what's the silver lining for the collective? 

 

 

Ten of Pentacles:  another card connected to Mercury, go figure.  this one is about wealth, safety, family, home...the "it all works out in the end" card.  while the road towards building our legacy may have been hard, finding ourselves here is all that much sweeter for it.  the investments we made in and for our families pay off in the joy of watching our legacy grow in abundance.  making the decisions we've needed to, and the hard work we put in to attain our goals will all come together and make us proud, and profoundly grateful.  to have built a lasting foundation for the future success of our family is at the core of our happiness, and it is our privilege to share share share!  remember to give thanks and appreciate our strong connections to our heritage/lineage, and traditions!

wishing you a peaceful week, and hoping this reading resonates for you.  feel free to contact me for a more personalized reading at Mysteriam Tarot & Dreamwork on Facebook.

 

Six Sentence Story - Float

click here to visit all the participants

 

 graciously hosted by Denise Farley of GirlieOnTheEdge 

 

 

"Mom," Mark asked around the eco-friendly straw in his mouth while vigorously sucking down a root beer float, "why did Loolah's mom offer to help fly us out of here in that message she sent you?"

Doing her best not to react angrily to the invasion of her privacy by her precocious young progeny, Blanche took a full breath in and out before diplomatically replying, "well, my dear...some people don't understand the deep and meaningful connection we have to this land and our culture; much like some young people don't understand that it's impolite to read people's personal correspondences - even if, I'm assuming, they left them open in an active tab on the computer when someone else wanted to use it to beat people older than themselves at chess online because I haven't been fun to play with since you were four or five years old."  

After another moment she added, "...do you want to take her up on her offer?  go stay with her in the States for a bit until this all blows over?"

"No way - she smokes cigarettes, and being around it makes me sick and gives me ear infections," his scrunched up face mirrored the distaste that could be heard in his objection, "and besides...I like it better here because people aren't always calling me antisemitic slurs and saying dumb things about Western Asia like they know anything about it."

Blanche regarded her only child happily enjoying his delicious float under the Mediterranean sun on a warm, winter's day with a mix of love and heartbreak that threatened to overwhelm her and cause tears to slip from her eyes, so she inhaled deeply, leaned back and stretched her spine like one of the street cats that roamed the square, and said, "that's what I like about you, kid - you just get things without my having to explain them to you like you're an idiot, because you're smarter than most people - and better company, to boot!"

 

Wordle 747

click here to read all of this week's contributions

 

The Sunday Whirl is graciously hosted by Brenda Warren, and this week's words are:

 

 

 

still rattling hunch chains packages crunch life scan lose fits grasping colony

 

I have a hunch that the majority of the people still rattling their angry chains about events currently happening in Western Asia don't have ancestors who heard the crunch of Nazi boots in the streets they lived in, or suffered under the Islamic regime all their lives, where women are grasping towards a life that doesn't require them to dress like packages.  can you even begin to imagine being forced as a child to submit to a marriage to an old man or a terrorists, or be permanently scarred and possibly die in an acid attack - or endure the pain of surviving one?  what about the many people who went out in the streets to protest, even though they knew they may lose an eye for demanding justice and peace from their government?  a quick scan of who reads and comments on the various blogs/bloggers that participate in this writing challenge reveals a small colony of folks who are against 'war' in general (as am I), yet don't understand the wider implications of what military action in this region means for them in their safe little homes thousands of miles away.  now, I'm not pointing fingers, but, if the shoe fits...  I see a lot of anger on social media at the way ICE is operating, and opposition to the loss of many social safety nets for veterans and folks who live on the lower end of the 'socioeconomic scale', but would that online anger be seen in the streets if the consequences were the loss of an eye or an acid bath?  how many LGBTQAI+ folks would be waving their anti-American flags if it meant they would end their lives in a public hanging?  I don't enjoy sitting in the bomb shelter with my neighbors, but I do want to see more support behind ending the regime that targets both the country I grew up in, and the one I now live in (and many others around the globe, as well).  you can hate your government and what it does and still want there to be peace and justice in the world for all.

 

  

Acid Attack Victims Need Love and Compassion

 

Shabbat Mercury Retrograde in Pisces Shalom & Community Reading

 

*this post begins with one of the drafts that has been lingering on a back-burner since January 23, 2021, which has been edited and expanded.

 

I've always been deeply connected to my dreams, and still remember at least one from my very early childhood, and one I had during my pivotal 15th year, when a few life-changing awakenings happened for me at once.  I started a dream journal 10 years later, when I was 25, which I've continued to keep to this day.  I sometimes wonder if deja-vu is a recollection of a dream, and I have in fact had moments - BIG IMPORTANT moments - when that has turned out to be true, and the realization of "hey...I dreamed this!" can be mind-blowing and profound, testing the limits of what we know of and consider to be reality.  

 

even though I started the journal in 1994, I didn't start dating the entries until 2014!

 

dreamwork is one of the many things I've thought should be a more prevalent part of our education, and developed along with whatever forms of divination or psychic abilities young people (people of all ages) exhibit.  it's nice to see how much that's changed over the years, with literally thousands of courses now available in many 'magical' disciplines.  we have accounts of dreams and dreamers dreaming all the way back to Sumeria (the beginning of written history), and many examples throughout the ages of 'prophetic' dreams from well-known people across a wide variety of lifestyles such as scientists, composers, writers, programmers, mathematicians, and more.

sometime in 2020, I started recording some of my dreams on this blog as drafts, without publishing them, perhaps thinking I would get back to them later as a way to build my dream practice.  it could also have been due to transience because I move so often - it's possible that my dream journal was packed up in storage somewhere and the laptop was simply more accessible at the time.  as I periodically go through my many drafts to keep up the habit of finishing old projects, I decided to transfer the 'dream drafts' to my dream journal, then delete them from the blog.  it's been an interesting practice to relive those dreams and reembody them through the physical act of writing them down, and deleting old drafts feels great in the sense of making space for something new to form.

when I got to Israel, I started recording my dreams on the 'notes' tab of my phone because my dream journal (along with the rest of things I shipped) was making its way here on a slow boat, and my laptop didn't often have a way to connect.  that's more than a year's worth of dreams to put in the journal!  and since I'm running out of pages in the original journal, I had to look around and see if I had an empty one to continue writing in.  I didn't have a completely empty book to start over with, but I do have a 'spell book' that I started...many years ago, probably also back in my 20's, that I didn't keep up with because I don't really write spells, I just kind of create them on the spot when I'm doing that kind of work.  meaning - I'd only written on three pages of it, so...it will become the new dream journal!

 

I've gotten through 'Dreams' 1, 2, and a good bit of 3, which brings me to August of last year.  it continues through September, then moves into 4 which spans September through November, and culminates with 5 which is the rest of November up until last night.    

 

here we are today, with the original journal all filled, with the last dream written in it being from August of 2025.  again, it was a really interesting experience to go over most of the dreams I had during the past year (I'm sure I didn't write them all down, sometimes they get away from me), and see what they have had to tell me about my journey here, and what my mind has made of it so far.  I'm looking forward to getting the 'dream notes' out of my phone and onto paper, and returning the process of recording my dreams back into a hand-written practice, as I think there's some merit to doing it that way - I'm thinking of Julia Cameron's 'morning pages', here, if you're familiar with her or them.  if not, look it up in her book The Artist's Way.  

 

old dream journal, 'new' dream journal

 

during this time of Mercury retrograde in Pisces, some of us are having Really Heightened Dream Experiences, and if you're one of us, please share in the comments what you're dreaming, and how that feels for you!  or feel free to contact me on my tarot and dreamwork facebook page, Mysteriam Tarot & Dreamwork.  for instance:  my dream two nights ago was about understanding that not everyone sees, or judges me by, the trauma I've carried for years, and that if I can lead with the compassion I still have in my heart despite it all, it can help guide me back towards my own path - but it was all wrapped up in cool sparkly art installations at my old college, someone getting all kinds of sick in the bathroom and my having to walk through it, rescuing some kittens, and then making sure to take the right exit off the highway that I missed in the dream from the day before (!) that got me so lost and anxious I woke myself up rather than try to figure out how I was going to get home.

I love to listen to people's dreams and help them work out the symbols and feelings in them to paint a picture of what they may be dealing with, and see if we can glean from that experience some thoughts that can bring clarity and balance into their daily lives.  so with that in mind, let's draw some cards!  I'm using Isabella Rotman's This Might Hurt deck, and the question I meditated on was:

do our dreams matter/can we find useful information in them?

 

 

ah, The Magician!  of course this means YES.  The Fool's (sometimes called 'the dreamer') first stop on his trip to wherever he's going today.  why?  because that crafty old wizard is the one who gives us what we need to take in our little satchels for the trials and tribulations ahead.  we can see the symbols for all of the four suits/elements (earth, air, fire, water) floating around him as he channels the energy of the Universe through himself, and into the ground like a lightening rod.  he's saying 'as above, so below' to remind us that all we need to do in life is move through it with the awareness that we're simply conduits for whatever Higher Powers we ascribe to.  as an alchemist who moves between the spheres, he can be seen as someone who would take the messages found in dreams seriously, worthy of being studied.  The Magician is the pure potential for everything that comes after it in the tarot; the Spark of Creation.  Act Now, he says.  use all of that amazing potential to manifest your dreams into reality!  so focus, concentrate, and commit to the task at hand.  

one of my favorite sayings about dreams comes to us from Rabbi Chisda who lived in the 200's CE.  he said "an uninterpreted dream is like a message left unread".  so take the time to see what you can learn from your soul's nighttime journeys.  and if you need help taking that first step, ask me - I'm here to help!

 

Six Sentence Story - Fly

click here to read all of this week's stories!

 

the message was sweet, but she didn't really know how to respond to her friend's offer to fly her back to the States because of her projection of her own fears about the missiles currently being shot at Israel since they and the US had preemptively chosen to strike at Iran in what was definitely NOT a war, but rather a rescue mission for the people who have been horrifically oppressed by the current regime there for close to 50 years.

after deliberating for some time, she responded as gently as she could that not only did she NOT have any plans to leave her new home, but that the airspace was closed anyway, no airlines were flying in or out, and the only way anyone could conceivably find a flight out was by crossing over land into Jordan or Egypt, or traveling by sea to Cypress, all of which were just as - if not more - dangerous than simply sitting in her building's bomb shelter with her neighbors when the alerts went off.

(pause in the writing - there go the sirens now!)

she continued on to say that from her sun-drenched porch she could see grandmothers toting shopping bags full of groceries, mothers pushing strollers laden with babies, children playing in the street (schools are currently closed due to the situation), and that even though only essential businesses are 'supposed to' be open, the variety store, the pizza shop, the pet supply store, the little clothing store, the party store, the nut shop, the schwarma restaurant, and the small neighborhood market were all open, and that was just on her block - one block away there were several more markets and shops doing business, including the McDonald's in the central bus station where the buses were still keeping to their schedules (to say nothing of the rest of the city).

and people were singing and dancing out in the street, as well, since it was technically a holiday, though gatherings had also been prohibited, and congregations were forbidden from assembling to read their sacred scroll that is only read on one night out of the year - the scroll featuring the story of Esther (and Vashti) who married the king in order to save her people (the Jews) from annihilation back around 480 BCE.

she concluded by saying that she was in no way living in fear, that this is just the way things were there, and when the 'all clear' was sounded they went back to doing whatever it was they were doing before they were rudely interrupted by those who are constantly trying to kill them, such as dressing up in costumes to celebrate a holiday with their children, rejoicing at their continued survival, mourning those who were sadly killed by recent missile strikes, or writing a blog post about how they explain to their friends that they're never leaving their homeland again because they feel safer in Israel than they did back in the US where people they used to consider friends dressed up in Made in China keffiyahs (popularized back in the 1960's by an Egyptian terrorist) while openly calling for the death of all Jews/Israelis/Zionists, and pretending to know more about Western Asia (note the post-colonial geographical language) than those who have been doing this dance their whole lives.