Shabbat Pisces New Moon/Vernal Equinox Shalom & Community Reading

 

for the last new moon of the astrological year a few days ago on the 18th, I did all the 'tying up of loose ends' as I could in terms of letting go of doubt, self-sabotage, and negative self-talk, and we'll just have to see how that plays out.  the intuitive and emotional Pisces energy had me feeling creative, and though my sleep has been interrupted, still filled with vivid and imaginative dreams.  in giving myself the space to listen, I've enjoyed honoring what my body needs which is A Lot of rest right now, and I'm grateful to have had the time to indulge myself as much as I have.  the only thing that still feels unresolved - which is kind of big in itself - is my current lack of employment, because I know when that changes, my whole schedule will change with it.  and that will work itself out the way it needs to, as well.

I've been running myself ragged for the past year with getting settled in a new country, learning the language, securing housing, looking for and working at several jobs in a row, dealing with all the bureaucracy, and finding help when I've needed it.  not to mention 'war', with all the added fun of drone strikes, rocket and missile attacks, the aforementioned losing of sleep due to alerts and sirens, runs to the bomb shelter, supporting my mental/physical/emotional health through it all, and managing my concern for my family and friends both here in Israel, and back in the US.  the patterns I see repeating are mostly the ones where I let myself get too stressed out about situations I have no control over (and my ongoing food issues), so I'm still doing what I can to remind myself that I have made it this far by continuing to get back up and try again.  all I can do is rest, and try to breathe through it, because everything is fine in THIS moment, and it all works out in the end.

so...how do I want to FEEL my way into the next astrological cycle?  I know I want to feel happy and grounded.  also safe, secure, and supported.  I'd like to feel myself becoming calmer and have the ability to act more rationally when faced with challenges (without eating everything in the refrigerator).  I know I'd like to soothe myself by engaging with more creative habits - like actually sewing that dress instead of leaving it aside for weeks, and writing in the beautiful journal I took the time to make for myself rather than leave it on the shelf.  and I want to go to the sea even though the beach is currently 'closed' due to the lack of bomb shelters nearby, but I wonder if I can't manage to find myself down there anyway.  I want to feel like I'm succeeding in bringing my vision to light, and sharing it with the world, so that is the wish I am putting out into the Universe.  

 

found online, artist info attached to image

 

we've moved into the sign of Aries, whose energy is FIRE.  today is a day to soak in the heightened frequencies and balance we are enjoying due to the Equinox, and recognizing the clarity that Mercury going direct is bringing us.  this is a time for passion and motivation - but too much of a good thing can cause burnout, so make sure to Look before leaping!  this is not the time to 'jump and hope the net will appear' (my usual M.O.), it's a time to declutter and cleanse, and start a new healthy habit or two in pursuit of our goals.  I find I've mostly been putting my energy towards finding a job - revamping my resume and Linkedin profile, working with a career coach and members of the employment support team at the aliyah agency that helped me get here, looking on the Israeli job boards, working on my networking skills...just really diving in to it, and it feels like the positive forward motion I've needed to turn my inspiration into action.

let's get to the cards.  this week I'm using the Wild Unknown pocket tarot by Kim Krans:

 ...

what is the current collective mood?  three of wands ~

 

 

wands are the suit that represents fire!   and threes represent synthesis.  the introduction of a new idea.  threes can hold, carry, and build.  this is the formulation of a plan to move forward with confidence, and see our way through to our dreams.  that sounds like a generally good mood to me, and reflects where I seem to be standing - are you feeling this?  let me know in the comments!

where will we find the support we need with chasing our dreams?  nine of wands ~

 

 

more wands, I love that FIRE, lol!  coming to the end of the suit this time, having nearly completed our journey through...the 'final step' before we complete the cycle, which can often be challenging.  it usually indicates working alone, which is a pretty clear sign that we've gotten all the help we're going to get, and need to take this last step on our own.  it will take persistence, resilience, and the ability to defend ourselves even through our own exhaustion.  doubt and fear may have us feeling like we're running out of energy to climb this ladder, but take a look back at how far we've come and find the strength to get to the point that is in reach, where all our hard work will pay off.

how can we best focus this Equinox energy to achieve maximum balance in our lives?  four of cups ~

 

 

fours are that platform we build to prop up the synthesis from the threes - a foundation, and a place to work from.  we can take a bit of a rest here and celebrate our wins for a minute...but in this case, we're not very happy with the three cups we already have while turning away from a fourth being offered.  do we not see it?  are we rejecting it?  this card is telling us that from the outside, what we have looks pretty spectacular, so why the apathy?  spending too much time thinking about moving away from everything we've built doesn't help us climb that ladder to success - the balanced energy we're currently in tune with is giving us every opportunity to name what it is we really want, and go after it!  

remember that we've integrated our older ideas with our newer ideas to come up with even better ideas, and we've done it together.  so now we each need to take that inspiration to heart and finish our own part of the work without our support systems, even though we may have moments of doubt.  what would it look like for us to find a way for our internal work to elevate our collective work?  can we find it in our understandably exhausted souls to take those last few steps on our own and find out?  I truly hope we can.

 

contact me over on my facebook page (link below) for a more personalized reading based on your own questions and concerns ~ blessed Equinox, all! 

 💙 

 ﾠ Mysteriam Tarot & Dreamwork

 

Shabbat Purim Full Blood Moon Eclipse in Virgo Shalom & Community Reading

sadly, the eclipse won't be visible where I am, and there won't be another one until New Year's Eve 2028/29.  oh well.  I've seen blood moon eclipses before, most notably on my 50th birthday, so I can visualize what I need to connect to the energies we are currently experiencing.    

 

not my image - I stole it from the internet

 

as this eclipse is the third in a set of 3, I'm looking back to March and September of last year to see what themes or changes have been unfolding for me in order to recognize some 'bigger picture' that may help me release whatever needs releasing to see my path more clearly.

during the March eclipse I was in a pretty good place, having found a bunch of 'hag stones' on the beach which gave me a kick in the spiritual ass as if to say 'change your perspective, sister, and Get Your Spark Back!'  soon after, I finally found an apartment to sublet while still looking for my own, and it was blissful to have the kind of privacy I need in order to thrive after the airbnb I stayed at for a month, followed by a 'guest house' for a few weeks.  I was finally able to eat well and hydrate properly, and make a more concerted effort towards looking for work.  I got a pedicure and had my toenails painted bright orange to reflect the season and my mood.  I wrote - to quote the Magic 8-ball my son had given me as a Chanookah gift years ago - 'signs point to yes'. 

by the September eclipse I was on my third job and was trying to get into a rhythm of cooking, meal prepping, and cleaning, figuring out the health care system, and doing my best to work with several different 'specialists' to follow their plan for me to lose weight and lower my A1C.  my body was hurting (always an indication that I'm not in a good place) and I was exhausted from work, so I barely had enough energy at the end of the day to do much of anything but take a nap.  other than growing my tiny garden, my life was feeling mostly empty and unfulfilling.

 

as an aside:  it's been hard to work on this post as we're being bombed in response to our preemptive strike on Iran.  I've been up and down the stairs to the bomb shelter all day for the past few days, and in the moments between, doing my best to take care of myself.  

 

so what has this look into my recent past revealed about my path forward?  as this eclipse is happening in the sign of Virgo, it's indicative of slow and steady change focusing on realigning with kindness, awareness, patience, and quiet care for the Self.  I need to keep myself balanced in both mind and body through meditation and reflection, so I can meet the challenges of my life with courage and wisdom.  saying goodbye to anxiety about the future in order to feel stable in the present is one way to take thoughtful action towards healing, and a reminder to use my strengths like Doing My Research rather than jumping from one thing to the next.  it's also a great reminder to celebrate my wins - and there have been many - as perfection isn't the goal, here.  it's healthy to accept when we make mistakes, and move on from them.  they are important chapters in our story.

 

I got this one from the Forever Conscious website

 

let's pull some cards!  since I'm currently experiencing the residual effects of the war in western Asia (post-colonial language for accuracy) - meaning I'm nowhere near the front lines, just minding the alerts that tell me when to seek shelter from ballistic missiles - I'm thinking I'll use the Hoodoo Tarot.  I don't use that deck very often, or at all really, because it always seems mad at me.  or maybe that's me projecting, who knows.  that's the message that came to me, so that's what we're doing.  and because it's Purim tonight, I'm looking through the lens of Esther and Vashti, and asking these ancient matriarchs to share with us what they know:

 

 

what do we know/what can we say about the Divine Feminine globally:  Ten of Knives

~ knives or swords are the suit of air, and are associated with thoughts, ideas, the intellect, and writing.  and 10's are the culmination of the suit - the 'end of the journey', or the complete expression of all the experiences The Fool has had on her way through the suit.  and these have been Hard lessons.  while the image is scary (ten knives in the back!  scroll down to see the cards), and speaks of betrayal and a kind of 'hitting rock bottom', it also shows us the dawn after the dark.  it's about surviving disaster, learning from your mistakes, and being more cautious about who you trust.  times may be hard, but they are getting better.  it speaks of one who has used a powerful tool without the proper respect for its destructive power, and not only gets burned (stabbed), but plays the victim in the hopes that someone will come and save them.  while the complete and total defeat of the spirit is beyond painful, on the other side of it is the start of something new.  the only thing we can control is our own response to it, so we just have to get up, dust ourselves off, and start again.  we've done the research; we've studied our history and written new books.  we've taught what we've learned to our daughters who have continued the conversation with our grand- and great-granddaughters.  and now we need to get it out of our heads and bring it further into our hearts, create with it, and ground all of our work with the knowledge of what we are moving forward from.  dance it out, sing about it, and invoke the Divine Feminine in all aspects of our lives and work.  there is no greater way to bring more balance into the world.

what do we know/what can we say about the Divine Feminine in Israel:  Big Mama

~ Big Mama (or The Sun) is one of the most positive and uplifting cards in any tarot deck!  it appears right near the end of The Fool's journey and in this deck in particular, speaks directly to The Matriarch being the cornerstone of family and the keeper of ancestral wisdom.  it tells us it is Our time to SHINE.  to share our glory, our light, and our power with the world!  in being our authentic selves we liberate and uplift everyone around us.  the path is cleared for our ultimate success, and abundance and joy will be the result of sharing our radiant brilliance with others.  as Israel has been struggling through dark times, let this be our sign that through the Divine Feminine/Shekinah, our liberation is assured.  it is inspiring to see the increase in understanding of our ancient connections to female power in what has been a predominantly patriarchal country and culture for centuries.  may we have the wisdom as a nation to heed Her call.

what do I know/what can I say about how the Divine Feminine relates to the work I do:  Seven of Coins 

~ this is my garden growing.  this is a card of slow and steady progress, of taking the time to assess what is working, and what isn't.  by reflecting on my choices and considering the possibility that my fear of failure is preventing me from finishing what I start, I will have a greater ability to see the bigger picture and create a long-term plan that will pay off into my future.  by focusing on my vision and what it means to me, through patience, gratitude, and staying grounded in the present, success is literally just around the next corner.  

 

 

wow.  and doesn't that all relate back to the eclipse in Virgo energy?  what an exceptionally divine and important moment to be living through.  we may see the liberation of millions of women suffering under oppressive regimes in the near future!  we may see women across Western Asia become a global force for bringing more balance to the world!  let it be so.

 

as always, if you enjoy these community readings, feel free to connect with me for a private reading through my Facebook page, Mysteriam Tarot & Dreamwork.

 

Shabbat (a Few Days Past the Full Moon in Leo) Shalom & Community Reading

it's been a rough couple of weeks.  the new moon a few days before my birthday and the one year anniversary of my moving to a newish country sent me into a spiral of depression costing me a good deal of my sanity, but the full moon a few days ago seems to be helping to mellow me out a bit.  I mentioned in the post I made that week (Aliyah-versary) that I haven't really been doing much of anything other than laying around being a useless lump, rationing my diminishing food supply, and doing my best to try and find people to help me get the support I need in the areas I need it.   

the social workers here have mostly been a big fail for me in that arena, and the ones I connected with so far have mostly made me feel unsafe and vulnerable to threats I'm not ready to navigate, so I probably won't be turning to them again any time soon.  I did call a few of the local helplines when I felt I was freaking out and needed to talk, and some of them were a bit helpful, though some of the folks I spoke with seemed to think marrying me off to a religious nut is the answer to all my problems, and I beg to differ.  what I've needed most (this month) has been financial assistance, and help finding a job I can stick with and succeed at in the long term, and I did manage to work some mojo in that direction - I was gifted the miracle of enough cash to pay this month's rent and bills, and also received a grant to enroll in a 'retraining' program to learn a new skill/trade so I can hopefully 'upgrade' my ability to find work here.

in the meantime, I've been focusing on drinking enough water, getting a decent amount of rest, and doing what I can to organize my space a little bit better, which is an ongoing process as I'm still 'unpacking' and sorting my belongings into a workable semblance of organization.  the bookcase I bought is already stuffed full, and there are several books/files that don't even fit on the shelves and are piled on the floor next to the bookshelf.  since my contract (lease) is nearing its end and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to stay in this apartment much longer, I certainly wasn't going to buy any more furniture or decorate, but it seems I still have some small glimmer of hope because with the help of my cousin, I managed to get the landpeople to renew the contract at the current rent price rather than raising it 200 shekels a month, and at least that buys me one more month of a roof over my head to try and find another job before rent comes due again.  

I feel like the embodiment of 'two steps forward, one step back' this month - as though all the pressure of looming homelessness wasn't enough, Facebook decided to ban me from the platform out of the blue for no reason, so just while I was struggling the hardest with my mental health, I was cut off from the closest thing I have to support from virtual 'friends', not to mention the employment groups and new immigrant support groups I belong to on there.  I also had an item up for sale on Marketplace which would have bought me a week's worth of groceries if I could manage to sell it - and the many many recipes and craft projects I've saved over the years that I lost access to just when I needed them most.  

curiously, being banned from fb gave me a really eye-opening reality check of how deeply I'm immersed in it, and forced me to take a step back and use that time more productively.  sure, I played hours and hours of video games (by which I mean sheshbesh, yatzy, and various word games) and watched WAY too many seasons of an older tv program I liked once upon a time, but I also turned to this blog and managed to catch up on a few posts, delete lots of festering drafts, reconnect with The Sunday Whirl, and discover Six Sentence Stories from GirlieOnTheEdge.  the former didn't feel so welcoming as only one other participant stopped in to leave a comment on my poem (I visited and commented on ALL the other blogs), while the SSS community has been very welcoming, kind, and engaging (that's why they get a link, and TSW doesn't 😉).  I got an email from fb this morning saying I've been reinstated, though I'm in no rush to log back in after my 2 week hiatus.  I know I will soon enough as I still have that aforementioned item to sell on Marketplace, and all those recipes and craft projects to save in a more secure location so I don't lose access to them again at the whim of some stupid bot.

the big win for today was getting myself to the shuk in time to buy the ingredients I was missing for my soup, and a challah plus some dessert for my Shabbat meal tonight.  I'm not usually one for doughnuts, but for whatever reason I woke up this morning just...wanting a chocolate doughnut, and wondering if I'd seen anything resembling that since I've been here.  I didn't find exactly what I was looking for, but I found something close enough.  my timer just went off letting me know my soup is ready, so I'm going to have myself a bowl, then finish what I came here to do;  pull some tarot cards for a community reading!

so - which deck am I feeling today?  let's see...

I'm going to use three different decks for us this time - my very first deck, Tarot of the Witches, because I haven't read in awhile and it just feels right; The Fairie's Oracle, in honor of two dear friends; and my fake Ukranian (Russian?) knockoff of Buckland's Romani Tarot because there happen to be a lot of Russians (Ukranians?) in my building/neighborhood, so why not.  

 

 

 

to begin:  where are we all?  what is happening in our world?  

next:  what do we need?  what can we offer to ourselves and each other?

and finally:  how/where do we find it? 

 

 

 

 

The Fool - ah, the dear young naive darling, forever heading over the edge of that cliff despite his faithful companion's warning.  what an adventure, what folly...a study of opposites with his rash determination to step out into the world, both completely unprepared, and carrying all the tools he needs for his journey.  he's like an uncarved stone waiting for the chisel, open to all experiences, the embodiment of creativity and joy.  he is wholeness and nothingness, as he's ridden this ride eternally and just keeps traveling on through.  is that what we're doing, now?  our level best to live in the moment because we have no idea what's coming next?  just trying to roll with the punches?  shall we toss our pennies to the wind and see what wisdom we gain?  should we listen to those who would hold us back with warnings?  or do we walk on, untroubled and unafraid?

The Guardian at the Gate - this Guardian's duty is to hold the mystical gateway open for those who are ready to pass through to new realms, and close it to those who aren't.  drawing this card indicates we are being welcomed to step into a new awareness, and/or to hold the door open for others who may be ready to join us on the other side.  we are also reminded that each of us must make that choice on our own.  it's such a delicate little thing, yet a deeply important and significant moment for us all.  can we let ourselves open our hearts to both our own changes, and those of others?  we can't pass this way and stay the same; it is suggested that we ask The Guardian for both guidance and protection as we embark.

5 of Pentacles - the ones who have lost everything.  desperate, destitute, and beyond hope.  they are plagued by illness and poverty, and cry out in their pain.  they don't notice the light in the window because they're too caught up in their own plight to see that there is still the tiniest glimmer of hope.  if they seek connection, they will find it.  so how/where do we find it?  most tarot decks illustrate the window as a church, but we can fill in whatever we need for that metaphor, as we aren't all of the same faith.  but that's the bottom line - faith.  if we find it in a building under the guidance of a spiritual leader, or if we find it out in nature under a canopy of trees, sky, and stars, we must seek it out in order to reconnect with what heals and carries us through the dark times.  

if we choose to see our collective consciousness as The Fool about to step off that cliff where The Guardian of the Gate asks us to consider if we're really ready to walk into that awareness, can we turn our mindset from scarcity and fear to hope and connection?  are we truly able to let ourselves love each other that much?  can we love our own selves that much?  what does it take?  for me, it takes small acts like drinking water and resting, making myself soup, and remembering to center myself enough to feel like I can read cards for us.  and finding the right people to reach out to when I need help.  it's all a process that we've been through again and again, and somehow, we will always find ourselves at the beginning, even if we're at the end.

selah ~ 

 

*if you enjoyed this reading and would like to connect with me for a personal reading of your own, reach out to me at Mysteriam Tarot & Dreamwork.  💙💜💙 

the landslide bringing me down

you know, I'm not much of a Stevie Nicks fan, though I've always liked the song "Landslide"...I kind of hold her responsible for millions of hippie chicks in lacy gowns thinking they can appropriate an ethnic slur against Roma people as a lifestyle and culture...but if she didn't know, she didn't know, I guess.  it's 2022 now, and we should all know better.  apologies are being made.  awareness is being raised.  it's not ok anymore (someone alert Cher, as well, please).

 

 

I watched a video this morning of Stevie singing "Landslide" in front of a video memorial for her dad who died in 2005, and of course it made me cry.  lots of things make me cry now.  used to be, I didn't cry at all, and was proud of it.  then I learned to not be such an impenetrable stone all the time and to be proud of the fact that I had enough heart and soul to cry.  then I had a baby and couldn't watch tv any more because the news made me cry...and commercials.  now, as I approach what I consider to be my 'official menopause date', I can and will cry about anything and everything, because my heart is simply broken completely open by the wisdom and humility of life (my personal Kabbalah). 

King Solomon w/birds

 

I'm dropping my son off at college tomorrow.  that's...huge.  on a number of levels.  first off, I've raised my baby alone from the moment of his conception.  I will not negate his father's contribution of the minimum amount of child support required to be in compliance with the current laws, but to be clear, his involvement truly has been minimal, for which I have apologized to my son profusely.  my son has very little family other than me - he didn't really get to know my Sapta (maternal grandmother) before she died, and has little memory of her, though he does have fond recollections of my Zayde (maternal grandfather).  my dad and his parents were long gone before my son was born, and though he had my mom in his life until she passed last year, we weren't always on good terms with her.  there was a brief minute when my brother allowed his three kids to accept their little cousin as a member of their family, but he cut what loose ties he had with me/us, irreparably damaging those relationships, and they will most likely take more work than most people care to do to repair them, so I don't have much hope that they will be.  my point is, this kid has mostly had to figure out how to be in this world on his own, with his closest non-Mom people being his guitar teacher, his show director, and his wrestling coach, in that order.  so...yeah.  a mostly solo project with some honorably mention-able supporters.

 

 

do you know how I got my son into the prestigious and expensive Paul Green Rock Academy?  I emailed Lisa Green and offered to do any number of things for her in exchange for a scholarship - write, edit, proofread, take photos, answer phones, scrub her toilet with my toothbrush.  so she agreed to a meeting with me where she explained that she had people doing all those things for her, except scrubbing her toilets, so she let me clean the building in exchange for my son's lesson and show fees.  and not only did I do everything in my power to go above and beyond for the Green's and their Rock Academy, my kid did, too.  when Paul and Lisa left, and Jason and Acacia took over the school, we didn't know if he would be allowed to continue, but they generously allowed him to stay with the program on a full scholarship until he graduated from high school.  I don't know who pulled what strings behind which closed doors in order for that to happen, but I will forever be grateful to them for that gift.

so here we are, after 18 (19 counting my pregnancy) years of this journey, in the same place we started - homeless in Vermont.  how did we get here again?  well...as a single mom making minimum wage, I can't afford an apartment anywhere in the United States on my paycheck, so I jumped at the chance to apply for a section 8 voucher, which has almost saved us from homelessness over the past decade, though not entirely.  a lot of landlords don't like doing the paperwork that section 8 requires, so refuse to rent to voucher holders, which is illegal, but there are a million ways around it.  one of which is to count on the fact that voucher holders don't have the money/time/knowledge to take them to court, and if they did, and they won, they still wouldn't have a place to live.  it's a lose-lose situation.  I had been living in Vermont for over a decade when my son was born, and when he was 3, I took a chance on moving to NY to be closer to my family...it didn't work out.  we stayed in NY for another decade and more, as we simply moved north near some friends of mine from the 'old days', though after not so long, I found myself regretting leaving Vermont at all.  

 

just one of many beautiful views in VT

 

Vermont was a dream I would return to after the boy was grown and didn't need me anymore.  Vermont was where I would go 'next', as with me, there's always a 'next'.  there were plenty of times I would have gone before now, but my son wanted to stay with his class in school until he graduated, so I stayed for him.  I cooled my hot feet and stayed put to the point of breaking, but I made it.  we still had to move fairly frequently as our rentals kept getting yanked out from under us by unscrupulous landlords raising the rent past my affordability, the State taking over the land through eminent domain, or other unscrupulous landlords taking advantage of the pandemic to sell their house/my apartment to an airbnb developer further adding to the issue of local workers not being able to find or afford housing in the communities in which they work and live...  but we managed to stay housed for a good stretch, and I did spend a good amount of time looking for apartments in VT before we pulled up roots in NY and moved, and though I wasn't able to find anything by the time we had to leave, I did have a place to land when we got here.  or so I thought.

what do you do when someone you've known for 20 years and more calls you up one day and says they're doing really well with their recovery?  that they're housed, in school, taking real steps towards getting their life back on track, and seeking employment?  what if they're really excited to hear you're coming back, and want to help support you on the way?  what if they see you not finding housing and offer up their living room as a place to call home for a minute, until you find what you need?  am I a poor judge of character?  do I make the wrong friends?  trust the wrong people?  well, let's look at my son's dad - 98% absent during the child's life, so much so, that when my young man screwed up his courage enough to ask his stranger of a father for a couch to crash on for a week (yes, dude lives here in Vermont), he wasn't overly welcoming, nor did he offer any financial help.  loser?  maybe.  I don't want to make excuses for him; I've been doing it for far too long for no good reasons, including my own pride, and his skill as a guitar player.

so our crash pad crashed and burned when it turned out my friend wasn't as in recovery as she thought she was.  she had a relapse, and used it as an excuse to behave in an abusive manner towards me.  the fact that she chose to take her relapse out on me when all I'd ever done was be a good and loyal friend to her was unnecessary and frankly unconscionable.  she's fooled me more times than it should take for someone with good self-esteem to walk away from.  and I regret letting the dreams in my head let me believe I could trust that someone was as loyal and honest as I am, though I know from years of experience that's rarely true.  I take the giving of my energy in relationship very seriously, and I'm often hurt by folks who enjoy more casual interactions, as I tend to connect pretty deeply, rather quickly.  and I'm finding that as I attempt to reconnect with folks I thought of as 'friends' here in Vermont, that I guess to them I'm more of an acquaintance, and there's been a 'no-show' of those I thought were 'my people' (some real help has come from unexpected places, too, I must confess).  so what does that tell me about moving forward here?

 

oh, these spiral paths we weave!

 

nothing I didn't already know, I guess - we're all just hurtling through space on this rock alone.  ever.  always.  and that's fine.  I'd just like to plant a flower garden, watch it grow and die, and come back again.  I want to write poems and prose, and create images.  I want to knit and sew and crochet - craft art with my hands again and be alone with the silence of late night/early morning hours.  I want to walk in nature, and be soothed.  I want to share my creations with others who create.  I want to hear from my son that he's doing well in school - that he's learning how to earn and manage money in a way that will bring him and his hoped-for future family more ease than his upbringing brought him.  "may he do better"...every parents' prayer.

 

from Isabella Rotman's This Might Hurt Studios

 

I used to travel when I was younger - just pack up my few belongings and my cat, and live on the road in my car.  it was a lovely lifestyle when planned for.  falling houseless because of broken systems built to keep women like me down is less fun, but again - can be navigated smoothly by people like myself who are wise in the ways of travel.  when I have to drag an unwilling and angry teenager and his fancy cat along?  it can get really tough, but I'm using All the tools in my kit to keep us buoyant in proactive ways, while doing my best to organize these experiences with my overtaxed mind to share with people in a way that encourages them towards helping me out financially.  I need help paying for gas, insurance, storage, cat supplies, and whatever my son may need for college that we didn't already think of, and for pet-friendly hotels/motels/b&b's/accommodations until I can find housing.  I'm really good at writing, editing, proofreading, and reading tarot cards.  please feel free to ask me to perform any of those tasks for you in exchange for any monetary donations.  we can work out a value together.  let me know how I can help you help me.

thanks ~

my paypal:  https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/mysteriamb

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Moon Rose Water Ritual Bath/dreams

I made this amazing Rose Moon Water (pictured below) during my full moon ritual two weeks ago and a few days later, finally had the time and space to be able to bathe in it.  I put some of it in a small spray bottle and used it to mist my sheets, bed, face, and space with it, and I really loved the vibe it gave off.  I'd been feeling really connected to my late maternal grandmother, and I honestly think it's the roses - 'Rose' was her middle name, and she grew roses in her garden.  she made it very clear that she's offering love and support to me while I've been navigating some difficult family situations in the midst of mourning my mother (her daughter), who passed away three months ago.  as we're currently in a Neptune retrograde - a great time for this kind of work - I thought it would be nice to use my Rose Moon Water to help channel both my mother and her mother, and connect with them through dreamwork, where I meet with my ancestors.

 

image shows a glass mason jar filled with reddish-pink water infused with roses, and left out under a full moon

 

rose water is made by simmering rose petals in water, and moon water is made by leaving a jug of water out under the moon - during any phase; I just made this particular batch during the full moon.  so I made rose water from the roses I bought for the Solstice and used in my full moon ritual, then left the rose water out in the light of the full moon, and voilà!  Rose Moon Water!  moon water can be used in any of the ways that you use water - to charge and clean crystals, cleanse your energetic body, clean your home, water your plants, for drinking/bathing/cooking, basically everything!  rose water also has a myriad of uses including soothing skin ailments and irritations, treating sore throats/skin redness/acne/cuts and burns...it can be used in eye drops, to treat infection, to lift your mood and soothe headaches, reduce wrinkles, aid in digestion, to cook with, and makes a great facial cleanser and toner.  it's an antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, antiseptic, analgesic, antioxidant, antidepressant/anti-anxiety powerhouse!  so combining the rose water's natural healing properties with the energies of the full moon, I was looking forward to a great big healing rosy hug from my grandmother before retreating to my dream sanctuary to hopefully connect with both her and my mother on the other side of the veil. 

 

my mother and grandmother, when they were both younger than I am now.  image shows two women in printed dresses seated outdoors.

 

the general wisdom surrounding dreamwork is that one needs to enter a dedicated scared space in which to incubate the kind of dreams that go deeper than our minds just reliving our day - into that gateway between where we can experience meaning.  that this space not be our bedrooms is also part of that wisdom, though many of us don't necessarily have the ability to set up a space to sleep and dream in other than our bedrooms, so just work with what you've got.  if you do have that kind of space to play with - or you if you simply want to bring some of these elements into your existing bedroom - than the colors blue (believed to reduce heart rate and blood pressure), purple, and silver (for some 'otherworldly' charm) are good choices.

lucky me, jewel-tones of blue and purple with silver accents is my bedroom aesthetic.  image shows a white curtain blowing in the breeze across a blue and purple tapestry of peacocks in a tree.

 

for the bath, it goes without saying that the whole room be clean and tidy, but in a pinch, as long as the tub is clean, go for it.  I will leave the lights off and burn a bay leaf or two to clear the energies, then run the bath.  while the tub fills, I'll play some calming music or binaural beats, light some candles and incense, and place some crystals around the tub; I use quartz, amethyst, citrine, & rose quartz...if you have some moonstone, it would make the perfect addition.  there's also eucalyptus hanging in my shower, so the steam from the bath should release those oils as well.  I'll set out a small dish of honey to use as a facial cleanser, and in a bowl, combine: 

Epsom salt

baking soda

a few drops of lavender essential oil

dried rose petals

fresh freesia petals

during this prep work, it's important to be setting one's intentions all the while.  consciously listening to what the energies are telling us, moving in the ways they want us to go.  this much salt/soda (cup and a half?/like a teaspoon).  that much lavender (three drops, maybe).  these flowers...dance with it.  by now the bathroom is all steam and scent and soft sounds, and entering into it deepens a shifted mindset.  my head will already be both open and focused when I pour the Rose Moon Water into the filling tub, followed by the bowl of salt/soda/scent/flower petals.  and when the tub is full, it's time to call on one's guides, and step into the bliss. 

 

image shows flower petals floating in a bath.  there was so much steam it was hard to get any pictures!

soak in your delight.  talk to your crystals and touch them.  put some in the bath with you (careful!  some will dissolve, so do your research).  lay back and breathe deeply.  let your head empty, your shoulders relax, and your body heal.  pay special attention to any areas of your body that need it the most - massage any sore spots, scrapes, and cuts...feel where any energy might be blocked and help keep it moving.  ask yourself what you need.  ask your people to bring the answers to you in your dreams.  also be gentle with yourself, and go slowly - these experiences can be intense.  

when I'm done (usually when I start to doze off and/or the water starts getting too cold) I'll drain the tub and shower off.  this is a good time to use any special towels or robes that you save for ritual occasions; I'd say it's also a good time to use any fancy body products you might like to indulge with, but after all the magical goodness I added to my bath, I just let the natural oils seep into my skin and left it at that (my skin felt like rose petals).  the crystals get placed on the altar, and I'll take a moment to choose one to bring as I head to bed to dream... 

 

Coyote Woman Dreaming by Susan Seddon Boulet

 

now, the dreams we go looking for don't always come right away, but if we stay alert, we'll find them!  use the crystals in your work, or simply carry them around with you to keep the energy moving in a direction.  do use a dream journal every morning upon waking to write down what you remember of your travels in the night ~

art by Pawel Kuczynski

 

*the night of my bath, I dreamt my already long hair (to my butt) reached all the way to the floor, and whomever was there with me (Mom?) was measuring it either against their own, someone else's, or in general. long hair in dreams suggests growth, strength, and is an Earth symbol...the growth of the spirit, psychic abilities, and a connection to all living things. alternatively, it can suggest thinking long and carefully about a decision, or concentrating on a plan or situation. also indicative of good health, virility, sexuality, and vanity. can point to overthinking a situation and not acting.

 

again, thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this post is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

resources:

some ritual practices from lunaluna for more info

some lunar bath rituals from well + good

Solstice/Shabbat Community Tarot Reading

the whole reason I started making it a point to have Shabbat dinner on Friday nights was because it was an important and special family ritual that I grew up with that I wanted to continue with my own child, so he could have that same sense of connection and tradition, and a way to honor our cultural heritage. with him gone, I'm not entirely sure how to bring in Shabbat on my own.  I can light the candles and say those prayers.  I can say the rest of the prayers we say (the same ones my dad said) over the bread & wine, and take my sip, eat my pinch...but I'm not much in the mood for chicken soup, or a meal.

my recent foray into embracing the sabbath has been meditating on, and pulling tarot cards for, a community reading, but my well is empty right now, and I have no overflow with which to serve others at the moment. I thought of either doing a one-card pull for myself, to find a place to focus my energy, or write out a ritual for the Solstice tomorrow.  can I do both?  let's find out...  

 

 

...turns out I can't.  again, my well is currently empty, and everything is really hard and taking extra long for me right now.  please be patient with my grieving process, as it interlaces with all the other stress I am/we are navigating during this intense astrological/planetary time.

I set up a lovely Solstice altar with candles, a chalice of water, quartz crystals, garnets, citrine, and amber.  I put on the binaural beats, did my meditation, and pulled my cards.  then I realized I had left 6 of the cards from that particular deck tucked in my tarot journal from the last reading I did.  nice.  so I put the cards away and tried to work on a ritual to share instead, but I was just too tired and foggy to write it all out, so I called it a night.

 

 

today, this is my best: 

ritual - take a ritual bath.  circle up outdoors, preferably around a fire pit.  cast a circle, call in the quarters.  honor Sun deities, the Divine Light, Yang energy...the root, sacral, and solar plexus chakras.  sing, play, dance, drum, feast - Have Sex.  gather and direct the energy raised towards a specific purpose.  thank the quarters, open the circle, ground your energy.  blessed be.

    colors - orange, yellow, white, gold

    crystals - sunstone, serpentine, garnet, amber, citrine, carnelian

    flowers - roses, marigolds, sunflowers, seasonal fruits & veggies

    incense - sandalwood, saffron, frankincense, laurel

    activities - make flower crowns, garden, perform sun salutations, charge crystals out in the sun, 

    pick berries, lay in the sunshine

 

reading - 

image shows 6 cards from the Tarot of a Moon Garden deck, two garnets, and one citrine, on a pastel cloth with silver stripes.

 

what is the sun illuminating for us?  Temperance - balance, moderation, harmony...peace, patience.    the sun is shining a light on our inner calm and perspective, the ways we've learned not to get caught up in drama and adapt to the situations in our lives.  being in touch with who we are brings contentment, while taking the time to re-evalute our priorities will bring us an even greater sense of purpose.

what energy are we currently radiating out to the Universe?  The Tower - destruction, upheaval, chaos.  well, that's not a good look...though it could be!  this card is about change in the most profound way.  a Big change, happening Fast.  throw out the old, and start building something new.  this is unavoidable and scary, but usually brings us a truer foundation than what we were standing on before.

what do our souls need us to release to the sun?  6 of Staffs - victory, pride, celebrity.  all hail the conquering hero, riding through the crowd with their head high, drinking in the cheers...we need to let that go.  perhaps it's not the time to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done?  or just put the brakes on the swelled head that can come with it? 

how can we use the medicine of the sun for our growth?  Ace of Pentacles - prosperity, new beginnings.  this new cycle is suggestive of material things, of a seed that needs to grow in the secure ground of our stability.  nurturing this energy is abundantly rewarding, like watching our dreams become reality, and being ready for the challenge of realizing our potential.

what will manifest from our Solstice intentions over the next 3 months?  6 of Swords - moving on, leaving something behind.  in this card, we see a hardship overcome, and a move towards normalcy returning.  we may not like what had to leave behind to get here, and feel defeated and tired from the challenges we've had to face and overcome, but we are healing, and possibly heading towards a stronger version of ourselves.  we need to think rationally about the best ways to get there.

message from the sun?  Wheel of Fortune - changes, cycles, fate/destiny.  no one can avoid their turns on the wheel.  we must remember to enjoy the good while we have it, because everything can and does change in an instant, then changes again.  while the process can be uncomfortable, that inevitability is the only thing we can rely on - the Universe will maintain it's own balance, and we're mostly just along for the ride.

well that's all pretty intense...but shining a light on our Temperance while we're caught up in Tower energy will certainly bring our consciousness into how we're being the 6 of Staffs, and that Ace of Pentacles brings some hope to the hardships of the 6 of Swords as we all go for another turn on the Wheel of Fortune. the recent eclipses (lunar & solar) with so many planets in retrograde (four!) has been a wild ride, and while we're coming out of it, the astrology speaks to there being even more turmoil on the horizon.  so stay sharp, keep focused, and have your eyes on the prize (whatever that may be for you).

 

 thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this reading is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you, personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

 

New Moon in Capricorn

here's something I've been meaning to talk about for awhile - tarot, and my connection to reading cards.  I got my first deck 37 years ago at the (long since defunct) cool local head shop the OM where they sold silver jewelry, leather goods, paraphernalia, posters, groovy clothing, black lights, incense, tarot cards, and various 'adult' items I didn't yet know the use for.  of all the things I bought there over my teen years, I only still have this amazing deer suede shirt by Erda, and my Tarot of the Witches deck of tarot cards (scroll down at the link for a deck review).

 

 

 

where did I first learn about tarot?  in my mother's shelves of books which included Eden Gray's Tarot Revealed: A Modern Guide to Reading the Tarot Cards?  in the library stacks, where I discovered so much more?  in the music I listened to, the people I bonded with?  or was it in the head shop itself, the first time I saw that High Priestess image in her jewel tones, on the outside of the box, her cold stare beckoning to me from some weird, nightmarish, yet oddly comforting circus-world.  I learned many years later from some acquaintances who owned a bookstore that this unique deck by Fergus Hall was featured in the 1973 James Bond film Live and Let Die.  so weird!

 

Roger Moore as 007 & Jane Seymour as Solitaire

in a way, it's cliche to be (part) Roma and read tarot cards, and I did 'work' the exoticism many of my cousins complain about feeling targeted and harassed for before I understood the implications of that sexualized perspective to those without my privilege.  now, I feel like plenty of people capitalize on tenuous and non-existent links to marginalized cultures, so why should I feel bad about owning my own cultural heritage, especially when it has nothing to do with my interest in tarot?  how my father hated to see me dabbling in the occult; how averse he was to anything that might be interpreted as 'witchcraft' from growing up with a stigma about being Roma, as well as Jewish - a culture which abhors the witch.  for sure I was the only kid in my high school class doing readings in the school library during lunch!  the folks I met later at Renaissance fairs, Rainbow gatherings, pagan camp-outs, and work with in a coven had more of a connection to esoteric knowledge, and through them my understanding of tarot & magick deepened and grew.  even though I've been drawn to other styles and types of tarot decks and spreads, I've mostly only ever used my own deck, other than a few reads with a friend's Celtic Tree Oracle (though there isn't a Celtic bone in my body), and had never read any minor arcana cards because in my deck, those cards are 'pips' - just a picture of the suit with that number of cups/batons/coins/swords on it - rather than the well-known picture cards imbued with symbolic meanings.

 

10 of cups on the bottom right is a 'pip' card.

 

during my last round of college I met a well-educated, forthright, outspoken, proud young Cale woman from a well-known Flamenco family who taught me what it meant to be an advocate for the Roma people, and through her, I became acquainted with many other Romani scholars, activists, and artists.  and wonderful as it was to finally get access to real and empowering information about Roma people and culture, it was just as hard to feel shut down by some of them because tarot card reading/belly dancing/poetry writing/white girl Roma who say G*psy and claim to have Romani grandmothers yet no tradition/language/community get told by more traditional Roma who know who they are and grew up in communities with shared languages to sit down, and stay in our lane.  they call us 'didikoi' (half-breed), and sometimes even 'gadje' (non-Roma), because they know how much it hurts.  now, I have a great deal of respect for those scholars, activists, and artists, but I also see that I can be proud of my Roma heritage, and still read cards, while being an active voice in the conversation to uplift our communities.  I feel that I have a responsibility to speak about Roma issues from where I stand, without what is considered to be a 'traditional' upbringing, and I have every right to do my work for financial gain, as well.  why waste my energy envying folks for doing the same work I've felt called to do for so many years, out of some sense of moral conscience, just because someone who doesn't know me said I can't/shouldn't?  now that I've had a few years of feeling badly for possibly misrepresenting my own culture in the past when I knew less about it, in a world where so many appropriators are out there doing it every day, and since I now know better and do my best to elevate the narrative, I honestly no longer see any problem with my engaging in a practice I've studied for decades, no matter what ethnicity, religion, or traditional folkways I come from.

 

I believe in using the tarot as a tool to help clear your mind, to think deeply about the situations in your life, and help guide your decisions.  there are those who do less and claim more.

a friend of mine recently downsized their home, so they gifted me a number of different tarot decks, some of which I was able to pass on to other people who needed them.  soon after that, I felt a strong draw towards Katelan Foisy's P7:  Planetarium workshops during which I really reconnected with that way of being 'witchy' - getting back to my cards, burning candles & herbs, charging and using crystals in ritual, working with the moon, engaging with astrology, sigils, goddess energy, chakras, dreams...it was refreshingly inspiring.  during that time, I'd been seeing a flyer for Shea's tarot group at the library, and didn't manage to get to it in person before it went online for the pandemic - which I'm glad it did, as it's been great to have what amounts to a women's group to connect with regularly this past year!  so through that online group, I've been renewing my relationship with the major arcana from a more diverse and mature perspective, bringing in all I've learned through both my academic and independent research in family systems theory, mythology, folklore, ethnography, storytelling, and collective and personal experience.  I'm also learning how to work with the minors which obviously opens up a whole new level of understanding for me after all these years, which has been deeply gratifying.

for the online group, I'd been working with the Tarot of a Moon Garden as it was the only deck I had that's based on Pamela Coleman Smith's artwork, though it's a bit fairie-cartooney for me, and...not quite right.  I'd been wanting to get a deck that spoke  to my newer understanding of what a deck can be - like the the Thoth deck I've been wanting to work with for at least 30 years, now - and I had recently become aware of The Hoodoo Tarot through Katelan, who I didn't at first realize had done the artwork, or had done a previous Oracle deck with Tayannah Lee McQuillar (the Sibyls Oraculum).  I didn't want to buy it, though, because something I read made me feel like the deck was only really meant for a certain population, and that as a non-white white person, it isn't a population I belong to, so I promoted it out of my love for it, but did what I thought was staying in my lane by not buying it.  

 

"The Hoodoo Tarot is a Gorgeous deck, and I keep going back to look at it! I was recently lamenting the lack of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color on tarot decks in general, and while I have no knowledge of, nor cultural connection to, Hoodoo (or Rootwork), I am still Very drawn to this deck, and would love to work with it!" - Oct. 2019

 

during a recent wander through Barnes & Noble, I was pleased to see The Hoodoo Tarot on the shelf with a few other forward-thinking decks I recently became aware of, and it occurred to me...first of all, right on Tayannah & Katelan!  and if they're selling that deck in Barnes & Noble, hopefully to enough people to earn them a good living along with the other work they do, then as someone who deeply respects the traditions and cultures of others stemming from a history of having my own misunderstood and disrespected, I can certainly work with this deck, too.  I didn't have enough in the budget to buy it right then, but after receiving some monetary gifts for my recent birthday, I happily went back for it (and gotten the This Might Hurt & The Wild Unknown decks, as well).

 

look!!!

I've also learned to branch out from the classic 10-card Celtic cross and explore different spreads.  the Celtic Tree Oracle uses a fairly elaborate 15-card set-up, and Froud's Faerie Oracle uses one and three card pulls for beginner basics, then encourages dabblers to use their intuition to draw cards about a situation or conflict, and formulate a series of deeper questions based on the number of cards drawn.  some of the folks I follow on instagram will posts links to different spreads from other readers, but I can't always tell what the source is, and as a librarian's kid who's spent time in academics, if I can't cite it, I won't reference it.  and though I'm not new to doing this work, I'm new to advertising online that I do it, and I realize that not only is there a learning curve, but there are SO many others out there with much more business acumen and advertising savvy doing the same thing, and it's rather daunting...and I certainly don't want to step on any toes! in that spirit, I'll share some of my favorite online resources:  I really dig the intuitive astrology by Tanaaz of Forever Conscious, the weekly readings from moonandcactus on instagram are great, and I like 3am.tarot for spreads and card meanings.  Meg's (3am.tarot) seasonal tarotscopes on autostraddle are really meaningful for me, and her instagram crystal pairings make me stop and think about what I'm looking to clarify.  astrology isn't a field I've worked with much past in the past, and I'm still learning the basics past my own sun sign, stars, and planets, but it works well with tarot for me in terms of giving me a frame in which to hang ritual work around (think Solstices and Equinoxes).  

 

so, this is my way of saying that I am once again going to be offering tarot card readings!  the decks I currently work with are:  Tarot of the Witches, The Celtic Tree Oracle, The Fairy Oracle, the Lover's Tarot, Tarot of a Moon Garden, The Hoodoo Tarot, The Living Altar, the This Might Hurt tarot, & The Wild Unknown.  get in touch with me so we can work together - and since I'm all about helping people connect with their own cultural heritage, I'm happy to help you figure out what that is, and which deck or decks would be right for you for a reading.  also, the best way for me to do this work is by giving something back to the various organizations that also seek to reconnect folks to their heritage/culture, and preserve it, so we can figure out how that might look for you, as well.  following is a list of organizations I believe in, and am happy to support, and please let me know if there's another group/organization you'd like to see on this list.  I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

 

5% of your reading fee can go towards:

https://www.nativewomenswilderness.org/mmiw

https://www.nqttcn.com/

https://venmo.com/TheNapMinistry

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/

https://www.hicksfordistrictsix.com/ 

https://citizenactionny.org/

https://eriac.org/

https://www.natifs.org/indigenous-food-lab/ 

https://www.splcenter.org/