Saturday, November 14, 2009

Why Can't You Behave?

That's the title of the Ella Fitzgerald song playing on my Pandora Radio station just now...Been staring at this screen for a few days now, thinking, "write, write!" but I've nothing to say...Careful, I may actually convince myself of that! The mind decides...

Boys. The small boy at home, the BF, all of the boys in the world. Men? Not a one. Why? Again, the mind decides...

The boss wanted to have a talk with me about stuff. Not quite sure what was said. She asked me to stop yelling at her boyfriend's dog. I should at least do that for her, but I still hate her boyfriend. HATE him! Can't stand him! I hated him before she started dating him, so, whatever that has to do with anything, I can't say, but I'm not gonna start liking him for her.

What's really been bugging me is, she said I act differently when she's there, then I do when she's not there. I thought that was strange. I asked who said it, and she said, "more people than you would think." Huh? What does that mean? It wouldn't occur to me that anyone would think that, person said it? That's beside the point. The point is, I told her on Thursday that I was planning on going back to college, and on Friday she had a bunch of criticism for me. I know how she goes. She's so sensitive, emotionally, she takes it personally. So I guess maybe I shouldn't. But I hate being evaluated - she's said herself that being in retail is like being on stage, and some days, my performance is flat. Isn't it that way for all of us? I don't 'kill' every day, how can I ? I don't always FEEL good. I don't look good, I didn't have anything good to eat for a few days, it's a cold rainy day...Blah! Sometimes we're all just blah. Should I call in Blah? Oh, it'll all be o.k., change happens slowly, there will be great fortune.

The kid is funny. He 'kills' every day. His latest is: "Mom, I told Kaitlyn that 100 + 100 is 200, and she tried to kiss me." Me: "Wow, she must really like math." Z: "Yeah." So cute. Just a growing boy. No joy like a growing boy. Joy, and "get the hell out of my room and don't come back 'till noon...

BF is, as always, an annoying pain in the ass, but I guess he's MY annoying pain in the ass until we manage to find ourselves decent partners.

I suppose I'm looking to work WITH people, more than for them. And I want to be using my skills to further a project that is mutually beneficial to all humans.


  1. Reach for your goals friend, and don't let anyone tell you differently. An insecure boss who's afraid of someone bettering themselves is not the kind of thing you want to tie your whole future to.

    You've got miles of skills, life experience, and brains. Don't be afraid to make them work for you and reach out and grab what you want out of life.


  2. Hard to figure why she would be critical of you wanting to take college classes. It not like you said you were quitting, but even if you did she should be supportive of you if she was any kind of friend.
    Different when shes not there. Odd comment. She obviously is getting that info from somewhere and if it is from the same morons that you have talked with her time and again about then this is no surprise.
    Stop yelling at her dog.


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