Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Dreams: sometime back in June or July, before our latest move.

seeing the bestie's brother in my dream could signify that I desire his popularity and success for myself, and also that this current life situation is making me feel awkward and embarrassed about myself/my situation.  that he (as someone I'm not really friendly with) needed my help could be indicative of My need to compromise for the greater good - to come to an understanding/middle ground so I can move forward.  the same with mom being there...while she could represent my need for warmth, love, security, and a possible secret longing to be a 'wealthy housewife', it also speaks to my bitterness over our rivalry.  she wasn't 'being herself' and was more just an extra body for me to care for, suggesting my desire for distance from her, and my anger at being dismissed as insignificant.  it also indicates my need to reconnect with ME - to adopt & mother myself.  the bestie recently said to me, "I can't be all bad if my people still want me after all the f-ed up shite I've done"...and my dreaming of his family members shows how I wish my family felt the same, revealing my tendency to idealize/romanticize how I think a 'real' family should function, and how I want that for myself.

as for the presence, of the bestie himself, what aspects of his character do I need to foster and acknowledge in my own self?  being ready and willing to 'party' at all times?  not being willing to see his aging self the way the world does (or to see it and laugh at it)?  being more fun loving?  independent?  uncompromising?  to work hard, and muddle through life mostly alone?  the fact that we've managed to maintain our friendship through 30 years of ups and downs is what keeps us close...that, and my willingness to 'hold on loosely, but not let go'.  he also - in dream land - indicates good news.

the boy and the cat are tough ones...the boy mostly shows up in my dreams because he's pretty much everything I live for, and the cat may have been there as an extension of him, and a general indication that I needed my whole family with me in order to navigate this dream-scape.  the cat as a symbol represents independence, feminine sexuality, creativity, and power, and a pet usually represents civilized instincts, and holding one's temper.  also, more of that need for love and acceptance due to feeling neglected.  all of these qualities are important to helping me navigate the situations at hand.

all that water...the clear, calm, gentle waves that we were floating on symbolizes my subconscious, and my emotional state of mind.  Water is the living essence of the psyche, and the flow of life energy - it is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing, and refreshment, and that I am in tune with that spirituality, imbuing me with serenity, peace of mind, rejuvenation, renewal, and clarity.  it indicates that in reflecting on an important life decision that needs to be made, that I have a handle on my emotions.

while we weren't riding 'in' a vehicle, but were sitting on top of one speaks to the level and type of control I have over my own life, or that someone is exerting their power over me, and I'm doing my best to stay on top of it.  that it was a large vehicle, perhaps a van of some sort, asks that I consider how much of a load I can feasibly carry, and to not stress myself out by carrying too much.  that the vehicle is under water implies this is an emotional journey.  that I saw the life raft at such a distance from us suggests my feeling distanced from any help with coping, that I've failed to build a firm foundation for myself, and that much work is still needed in order to succeed.  also, that I want to be rescued from the current situation that is beyond my control!  the rope they threw me represents my connection and attachment to others, and how those relationships are what's holding me together.  there's a lot here about my feelings of being ignored and neglected, and that I'm trying to find ways to cry out for help that will make me feel accomplished and loved (luckily, I'm not too proud to ask for it).

that the cat got loose once we got to safety speaks to my need to express myself in the most primal of ways, and indicates how well some sexual release would serve me right now!  that we needed to go find her highlights more of that independence I crave - the need to be free of the things that hold me back.  forgetting her name/what she looks like are an expression of an overwhelming amount of stress in my life due to the need for me to tend to everything and everyone in my current situation.  that the boy and I made it to shore together (to find the cat) suggests that my emotional needs will be satisfied, and that my inner turmoil has been resolved.  It refers to the point where the conscious mind meets the subconscious, and that I will have come to a place of solace and comfort, though there is still much to be considered.

all the animals running towards their humans on that shore are sex and more sex, and that out of all those beings I was specifically aware of the horses speaks to more strength and power, endurance, and virility.  I have a distinct need to 'tame the wild forces within', yet also need to 'reign myself in' a bit.  in finding the cat, it shows I am coming into contact with some aspect of my psyche or subconscious that was previously repressed, and represents change.

that I managed to finally get my little band to a shelter represents the difficulties and sense of helplessness that I'm experiencing, and managing to find some of the security and stability I've been looking for.  that I passed out once we got there says that I may yet not be able to confront some of the subconscious issues or feelings I've been experiencing, and need to be more aware of, and acknowledge them.  waking up, then, indicates that something is missing or lacking in my life- that there are aspects of myself, and abilities I possess that I am not utilizing to their fullest potential.  my dream is literally telling me to open my eyes and wake up - or could be the entry point to lucidity.

"lucidity gives you the ability to control your own dreams and steer them toward the direction you want.  in the lucid state, you are more willing to confront threats and as a result, become more self confident.  when you achieve lucidity, you can use it as a tool to...solve a problem in your waking life.  you can use lucid dreams to...overcome phobias,  get over writer's block, etc.  lucid dreams can help you visualize and rehearse an event in your mind before it actually occurs.  it helps to overcome fears and anxieties."  they can help you become self-confident in confronting threats, problem-solve, overcome fear & anxiety, help you train & prepare in setting the stage for what's to come.

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