Friday, October 14, 2011

Happy Jew Year

See, I can say that because I'm a Jew...though it's almost Celtic New Year as well.  Anyway, it's been awhile, as once again I've gotten bogged down in my process, had a million things to do, didn't feel good, had a fly on my toe, and whatever other excuses I feel like making because it's MY blog, and I can write or not write as I see fit.  But.  I think about writing every day.  I think 'I should write about this or that, but I can't because I'm supposed to be working on (insert any number of other things I need to be working on here)'.  Pathetic, right?  And Hey!  I just got an email!  Why don't I jump over to facebook and see who said something witty about someone else's kid putting underpants on their head, YAY!  Oh, never mind, it was from the PTA...

So, yeah - the last time I posted was before I headed up to Vermont for what I hope was my last residency as an undergrad (but I've been here before, kids, don't get too excited).  The weather was amazing, the residency was fully inspiring, we got to hang out with good friends, the boy got to spend the weekend with his dad, and I didn't crash the car into anything.  Big win all around!  Then we came home to hurricane Irene, and spent more than week cleaning up the mess she left behind, and all I wanted to do was sleep off the recurrence of the skin rash that re-erupted while I was at the residency.  My right ankle and my face (neck, decolletage, arms) swelled back up and began oozing, itching, peeling and generally drove me insane for the better part of a month, until my face finally managed to normalize, and my ankle is back to just the oddly inexplicable patch of horrendous that has lived there for many years, and remains a mystery to my health care practitioner.  I'm thinking it's food related - I'm looking at you, Dairy and Wheat (and sugar)!  I did a one week juice fast - I was hoping to do two weeks, but my alarming inability to plan meals and budget my money precluded that - which helped me recover, I think, and I'd like to do another one, now that I have a better idea of how to do it properly.

The young one went back to school - 2nd grade! - and started taking karate twice a week.  He's doing great, bringing me home grades to make a mama swoon with pride, and a talking in class issue that makes me want to scream.  Although if being a chatterbox is the worst of what I have to deal with from him, then I'm just going to take a deep breath, and institute a rewards system - so the child is exuberant and social, big deal.  I'm simply not going to punish him for it - help him work on curbing it, yes.  Freak out?  Big N.O.  Counting my blessings and picking my battles over here, thanks!

Then there was the Epic Court Nonsense of 2011 - my lovely 'mother' and her heinous lawsuit.  Guess what?  SHE LOST!!!  HAHAhahahaa!  She spent thousands of dollars to get a judge to tell her she was/is out of line, and needs to back off of me post haste.  I was so high on good feelings and energy after that, I could have flown home on my own harmonious vibration!  What's really interesting, is that now the case is over, she wants to be my new best friend and hang out all the time and call and she didn't sit in a court of law, swear an oath, and attempt to paint a picture of me as a mentally unbalanced and abusive mother, undeserving of anyone's respect.  Priceless!  Whatever.  She failed to convince anyone of that non-reality, and I refuse to allow her to just pretend it didn't happen.  What she did was so beyond unacceptable that I will never allow her back into my life in a way that gives her power to hurt me or my son ever again.  I am forgiving, forgetting and moving on - but I want very much to remember the pain and anguish she put us through this past year, so I can avoid falling into one of her sick traps when she sets them.  The power is mine, now, and the best way for me to use it is to build a better relationship with my child, based on love, respect, understanding and open lines of communication.  To further spread my net of joy and connectedness, to revel in the beauty of ALL life, and the ties that bind us to this beautiful planet and each other.  To find the silver lining...and to help others find theirs.

I feel very close to experiencing pure bliss, and I have more good days than bad, at this point.  I feel enlarged, as if my soul is making room for the explosion of blessedness seeping in from every direction as I settle into the 'dark half' of my 42nd year, and 'answers' reveal themselves at such an alarming rate that it gives me vertigo!  I hope the good energy that is flowing through me is finding a way to reach you, and that You, whoever you are, are open to accepting it with all your heart.  Wish me luck on having the grounding to be able to complete my project, this time around, and help me find the strength to close the door on that chapter of my life so I can walk towards new dreams, achieve new goals, and fulfill some long buried desires.  I love you all - whoever you are - I love you. ♥


  1. Love you, mamapajam!

  2. K.W.K. via fb:

    "i loved this post and i could totally feel the upswing in your emotions, feelings, thoughts.... this is the you that i remember and i hope that all the goodness that you are experiencing remains for you and your gorgeous child. ♥ lots!"

  3. M.F. via text:

    "Nice blog girl! You are so f'in brilliant! Xo"


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