Fools

since I got a new tarot deck (This Might Hurt) I'm gonna get to know it better by going through each card in each of my decks, to compare and contrast them, in no particular order (ok, maybe in some semblance of order), and in no particular time frame.  how's that?  sound good?  cool.  I totally did not randomly chose to start with The Fool, because where else do you start a journey?  well, some of you might like to plan and pack and save, but I just...jump and hope a net will appear.  so it seems of our Fool, hey? 

here's why I love Isabella Rotman's version:  first and foremost, the ambiguous gender/gender neutrality of the archetype.  in joining a tarot group to find community to be in during the pandemic after having been a mostly solitary practitioner for most of my life, the very first thing that struck me was the lack of diversity in our (the group's) tarot tools, and I wanted a new deck to reflect my new understanding of what a deck could be, immediately.  and this Fool is perfect.  they've got they're bag, they're not looking where they're going, they're smelling a rose while about to step off a cliff even though their little dog is warning them...the patched pants, the bird on their shoulder, the budding tree, the hand...perfect.

 

for comparison, here's a look at The Fool from Fergus Hall's Tarot of the Witches - my first deck, the one I've been working with since 1984.  this dude is peeking out underneath his blindfold as his vicious little dog rips his pants in imitation of the Coppertone baby's pose, while he tosses eight coins to the wind, and lets the other hand swish in the breeze.  even though he's got both the sun and the moon suggesting the ongoing opportunity for endless experience (and a heart on his cheek, and a cheeky grin), he's still going over that cliff in his adventurously frivolous colors.  I always wondered if he'd manage to grab on to the little tree to save himself... 

 

 

in the oh-so-white and fairy cartoon-y Tarot of a Moon Garden deck, we have this...fellow?  entity..?  archetype.  well, they seem to be floating above the Earth, with their little dog seemingly happy about it, possibly just content to chase the bubbles and baubles appearing around the Fool's ballerina-slipper clad feet...all three of them.  dancing between the dawn and dusk?  it seems half of this person is steeped in the light of the full moon at night, while the other half is parading through the noon of a sunny day at the same time.  and so many hands!  four of them, holding a paintbrush, a poppet, a butterfly net, and a pomegranate.  there's also a heart on their one sleeve, a star on the other - bells on the colorful skirt, hat, and shoes; a butterfly with antennae curled into a heart; a crescent moon over the eye on the 'daylight' side of the body, a star over the eye on the 'nighttime' side.  there's a lot going on here to process.

The Lover's Tarot, which I like because it's HUGE, consists of only the major arcana - a fun deck for a fun reading!  I've used it a few times for community readings, but no one's asked me for it for a personal reading, yet.  check this guy out, though - he's like the poster boy for pasty white noble-whatsis and caped colonizers.  is that a little fish purse?  seriously?  I want this guy to fall off the cliff, but it doesn't even look like he's trying...just leaning in with that one knee, and somehow messing up the carefree wave of the right hand with an awkward gesture to match the odd stance.  and his poor, sad-looking dog!  it seems to me like this Fool's belt, cape, and red tights are the only ones excited for the possibility of adventure; that the youth wearing them is too naive to know that the city down there holds any promise for him under that oddly flat, yet inspiringly illuminated sun.

it's taking me some time to feel comfortable working with the HooDoo Tarot, and that's as it's meant to be.  so who is The Free Man?  he comes with New Testament quotes and a plant correspondence, neither of which I'm familiar with, and while the one is basic enough, the other required me to look it up and find out that I know 'Jimsonweed' as 'datura'.  learning already, not bad!  there's no cliff here, or a little dog warning this man of any danger, but we're told that carrying a jar of dirt away from this particular tomb is a daring act of purpose or lunacy.  there's no carefree toss of a hand, here, no budding tree on the edge of a day, just a wise knowing, and the fatigue of that burden.  he seems to show us not how to face up to our fears, but to ascend past them through the fiery belief in our own purpose.

 

also, I couldn't resist gifting myself this adorable pocket edition of The Wild Unknown by Kim Krans that comes in its own tin - so cute! - so I'm full up on decks at the moment (still want a Thoth deck, though)!  what's fun and unique about this deck is that to my mind, it doesn't follow the 'traditional' art framework at all, and instead, encourages us to find something new in the interpretations of the symbols by relating them to nature and the outdoors.  how to represent The Fool without the regular trappings?  how to communicate that sense of spontaneity and adventure, danger, and heightened awareness without a cliff, a dog, a flourish, a bag of tricks, bright and colorful clothing, a budding tree or flower, mountains or a city in the distance?  draw a baby bird on a tree limb about to take its first leap of faith.  do you feel like you understand The Fool a bit more, now? 

 

 

I know I do.  which deck is your favorite?  which would be your first choice for a reading, and which would be your last...or which would you never pick?  why?  if you read tarot, do you have a favorite deck?  I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

This Might Hurt Tarot, Yay!

hello friends!  

I'm excited because for Hannukah this year, I finally bought myself Isabella Rotman's This Might Hurt tarot deck, which I may have fallen in love with at first sight.  when it got here, I let it sit on my altar for about a week to let it shed any lingering outside energies and soak up some goodness before I used it for the first time.  it's a standard 78 card deck (with holographic edges!) after the RWS fashion, which is exactly the reason I got it, and it came in a lovely box with a guidebook, some small cards, and a sticker!  38 years ago I started out using the Tarot of the Witches deck, which doesn't have minor arcana cards, it has 'pips' that lack the traditional symbolic artwork, so I didn't work with the minors until quite recently.  to have something resembling community during the pandemic, I joined an online tarot group, and as the weekly discussion included all the tarot cards, I ended up mostly using the Tarot of a Moon Garden during our work together, because it was the deck I had which was the closest to the 'traditional' RWS.

 

box, guidebook, deck, cards & sticker

in that group, it quickly became clear that tarot had remained a blind spot for me in terms of my cultural development over the years.  why did all our decks center whiteness?  why did they all feature European ideals of beauty, magick, wonder, virtues, and goals?  why didn't I see myself reflected in my minor arcana experience?  while the majors can be read as more Universal energies, the minors wanted to tell me a story about myself, or a person sitting in front of me, and the Moon Garden deck wasn't giving me the cues I felt I needed to tell it.  so when my searching for something that better reflected the world I had come to understand in the ensuing decades brought me to This Might Hurt, it's no wonder I got all excited...I mean, I a star-crowned chick in a leather jacket astride two motorcycles for The Chariot?  and The Fool is perfect!  this deck is so utterly inclusive and skillfully drawn, I can't wait to get into working with it for my readings! 

 

ooh, holographic edges!

 

fresh out of the box, cards are generally a bit sticky and need a good deal of shuffling to feel in any way natural in my hands, so without putting a lot of thought into any particular questions, I just listened to Craig Prues' 108 Sacred Names, thought about the recent full moon and Solstice, made an effort to move the cards through and through each other, and spread them across my cloth.  picking three at random, here's a general energy reading using the guidebook that came with the cards:

 

6 of Wands, 3 of Pentacles, King of Swords

 

6 of Wands - this is the 'public recognition of victory' card - we are enjoying the external validation of our endeavors...we worked for them, we got them, believe in them!  but do we feel we need that acknowledgement?  why?  if our goals are based on wanting/needing outside recognition, we could probably spend some time finding better motivating desires...  and while it's perfectly fine to revel in the laurels, it's perhaps best to avoid resting on them.

3 of Pentacles - "teamwork makes the dream work" (lol)!  this is about how we relate to each other in terms of work/group projects.  when we combine forces, we can achieve synergetic growth - if you work mostly alone, consider asking for feedback on your process or work-in-progress.  find ways to build positive collaborative environments.

King of Swords - leadership through unbiased judgement...this person/card is skilled at cutting to the truth.  stern, ethical, & trustworthy, this fair and just leader may exhibit the emotional detachment necessary to function in service to their community.  it is for them to be serious and logical in order to thrive (the Bernie Sanders card, lol!).

wow, what a great reading!  while we can and should take a few moments to say "yay, we did something worth celebrating, though we don't need to flaunt it, and then we're gonna get right back to making the connections we need to really level up within our respective communities.  and if we manage to be logical, fair and rational, then maybe we can model ethical and honest leadership focused in and on those communities.

I really dig this deck - it's whimsical & fun, but also serious in that all the traditional symbolism is there, it's just more easily accessible.  what a breath of fresh air!  I honestly want to do another reading with them right away...book with me today, and ask for this deck!  you'll be glad you did ~

 

The Fool

"To David" - from my mother

my mother died 7 1/2 months ago, and today is her birthday.  she would have been 77.  my brother has been sending me random boxes of her things (well, his wife is probably packing and shipping the boxes), and in the last box, there was a folder of Mom's writing both from her school days, and after.  in particular, there were several poems to and about a man named David, and a letter to her father begging to be allowed to come home.  I wish she were here to tell me about what must have been a difficult time in her life, but she chose to take her secrets to her grave.  I hope she found David in the afterlife - whatever that might have looked like for her - and I wanted to give voice to her longing.  she deserved at least that much.  I mean...there could be a reason these particular poems found me, whether my sister-in-law or my brother picked them purposefully out of a pile of other useless crap, or it happened organically, it feels like I was meant to see them, and as is my way, share.

To David

Do you remember, darling, our love?

I do - always, but especially tonite.

We were having a campfire to celebrate harvests end,

And as we sat - I began to sing and strum the guitar.

The people said I was great -

That I sang with real feeling

For the tears stood in my eyes.

I sang, "We Shall Overcome," and they thought the tears were for the Cause.

But they were not - they were for you.

For as I sang I remembered - 

Our days on the picket line, the nite in jail, 

Our first date and all of those thereafter.

I thought of what might have been - 

The children we might have had.

And then I thought of how you left me

And you said, "You'll forget me, but please, not too fast or easily."

I turned away then to hide my tears

And you went -

I watched until you got your first lift

In a chain of many, which took you away forever

Now, the seas separate us

But darling, I'll always belong to you even when I sleep beneath the Israeli sod - and you beneath the the Louisiana soil.

In death, if not in life, we shall overcome and live again to love.

    - Sue Meistrich, 12/5/63, 6:30pm

13 Feb. 1964

I am 19, an upper middle class, white girl.  The only thing that makes me a non WASP is my jewish religion and culture.  I suppose my normal pattern would have been college, job and marriage to a "nice jewish boy", a family, etc.  I would have lived a secure life, nice and easy with no disruptive influences.

I have, however, already broken with the pattern.  The whole thing began on 19 Sept. when I was arrested for civil rights in Syracuse.  At this time I met a man - David - who I fell subsequently in love with.  Now I am faced with a decision.  I have a choice to make between two lives.  The life I mentioned above, conforming to the "normal" pattern and the life I see ahead as David's wife.  I see a life much closer to the raw elements of life.  The element of drink, pot, sex, etc.  I see pure love, but sorrow, misery and heartbreak because of differences of background.  I see a man who loves me, but can offer me nothing in the material senses, a man who is mad at the world, and who must sometimes take out his frustrations on me, but thru it all I see a man in love who is tortured by this love.  I see a life with no security, only love to hold it together.  Children who grow up angry at the world as my husband is.  I see myself cut off from my people and relatives.  

I can now choose between this life of love and the other, a life of security without as much meaning as the other.  my problem - do I come back penitent, to my accustomed life and try to be a person in the "normal" pattern, or do I break with tradition to follow love wherever it leads me.  I cannot make the choice myself and yet I have no one I can turn to who is not prejudiced for one side or the other.  I wait for an event which will make me decide - in the meantime I am in a hellish limbo.

DREAMS  (8 April 1964)

I see the trains in

the yards going- 

god knows where.

And I long to jump

on one and go with it,

But I go home - to a bed

with sheets.

I hear my man- broke,

Saying

Come with me,

I have nothing but- come.

But I go home- where the dog

eats better than him.

I read the poet who tells

me to catch the winds of

destiny wherever they drive

the boat-

But it is too late.

I am a solid citizen- shit!!!

11:30 PM Aug. '70

When does it stop hurting - if ever?

When do longings die - or do they?

Why must I stop seeking

How long will I cry.

If tomorrow I see David

What then will I say

Look out poss - whats to ya

Come lets go away

 

But, now I have a husband - proper

Now I have a son

And a daughter - also proper

Will I never, ever win.

When I feel youth around me

With their psychedelic colors

Searching, crying, learning, trying

Then my heart cries from within

Come and hear what I have suffered

Hear of battles never won

Know that I will feel forever

Tho the things be dead & gone.

Its a long way till we finish

All the things that we must do

And in the end are only

things so dead & gone

 

memories will I cherish

in the dark & secret nite

but never will I give up

the long & hurtful fite

in my pillow will I smile

at a face that's long gone by

but mostly I remember

and in the dark I cry.

My Mother

My mother died the other day, and while going through her papers I suddenly found the reason for the far away look in her eyes she had every July, my mother hated July, I learned the reason for the black mark on the calendar in her private date book every July 16th.  

My mother was once beautiful, I know I have seen many pictures of her.  She was a brilliant woman and none of us knew why she had never finished college and become a plain housewife.  Now I know.  I have read her diaries and now I understand her as I never did when she lived.  

She was a free girl beautiful and reflective, able to find the beauty in the everyday things of the world we all take from granted and never really see.  She saw them, she could be transfixed by the trees against the sky, or sit up all night and watch the play of the air and the stars.  She loved storms, wild storms, when the snow and the wind and the trees lash at each other and the forces of nature threaten to overwhelm us.  She loved to watch a hurricane or a tornado and often would not take shelter but watch and revel in the passions of the world.  She found in them an answer to her own passionate nature, unbridled and untamed.

My mother loved then, she loved a man, she loved him with all the force of her nature and she allowed her passion to rage unchecked.  But she always knew that if they were to marry they would destroy each other.  She did destroy him in the end, he followed her to the city and became an addict, I don't know what became of him for she suddenly stops writing of him and yet every once in a while she mused in her diary about meeting him again and she admits to herself that she would once again follow him and leave her family, her husband and her children.  As I said she loved with all her being.

It was after she left this man that she met him.  The other one.  she never loved him. that she knew, but she conceived a child by him.  She was too proud to marry a man she did not love and so she bore the child and the burden of unwed maternity alone.  She left him with her head held high, and he never saw the scars on her soul.  He never knew how her arms longed for the child she could not have, the child she saw only once in her life, the tiny infant daughter we never knew about.  Never once during her life did he say anything about it, but her eyes grew dark every July and she cried.  

She wrote about an Independence Day weekend that she walked the streets of the city, finding no one to speak to, no place to have a meal, her large belly and unringed hand prevented her from going in to a nice restaurant and her pride prevented her from asking assistance.  She wrote how she slept in a downtown fleabag hotel until the time came to bear the child she had suffered for, and how when it was over she prayed for help to live the rest of her life without the child.  She wrote of the long days she spent looking at each baby she came near wondering if it was hers and knowing that she had no right to think of it, no right to wonder about its new parents or its life.  She wrote each July of what her daughter would be doing now, and followed the age of her child faithfully all her life, but she never said a word to me.  

The following year she met and married my father and settled down to an outwardly respectable life.  She had children who she raised with all the love she had left in her but something had died in her and she was no longer the wild girl she had been before.  She was a good mother and a good wife.  She and my father lived together in peace and happiness for many years and never a word to us about the weight on her heart, the burden she bore alone.

My mother died the other day and now I know why she hated July.

*it's a little weird to hear her write in what's supposed to be my voice, and assume my feelings.  I never noticed my mother liking or hating any month over any other, and I never knew the 16th was a hard day for her.  I does happen to be my half-sister's birthday, so I guess that answers that one.  Mom eventually finished college and ended up with two Bachelor's degrees and two Master's degrees, and there's nothing shameful about being a housewife, 'plain' or any other kind, in my opinion (Mom also had a long and lucrative career as a librarian).  she did not strike me as someone who cared much for the weather, past being inside when it didn't agree with her, which was often, though she did enjoy waking up in the early hours of the day when meteor showers tend to happen, and I did appreciate that about her.  while it sounds to me like her friend David came with some serious red flags, I can respect that from 19 through 26 she thought he was the great love of her life.  did she continue to pine for him after all the long years?  or did there come a point in time when the 30 years she spent living, loving, and fighting with my dad eventually overshadow David's memory?  I wish there was more to read, but what I've shared here is the bulk of what I was given, aside from a few other poems and letters.  she did eventually tell me about her other daughter, probably just over 10 years ago when my own baby born out of wedlock was in Kindergarten, and she had found her.  she wanted us to meet, and so we did.  I think she's a cool lady, and I call her my half-sister.  her mom, the woman who raised her, thanked my mom for completing her family.  I think it's sweet, I'm glad it had a happy ending for my mom, and I hope it brought joy to my half-sister and her mom, too.  it's sad to think how much more we could have shared with each other if my mom had managed to parent more from a place of love than a place of fear, but she did what she could with what she had, and she did her best, just like most of the rest of us.  so many lost chances, so many missed opportunities for understanding, healing, and communication.  people - talk your stories.  you never know which ones may make a difference in someone's life.  I wished I'd known more about my mom...I wish she'd felt empowered to tell me more about who she was.  either way, I loved her.  

💙 💜 💙 

Dona Nobis Pacem 2021

as I struggle to find my own personal peace during this particular period of my parenting journey, I wonder what there is to say about our collective peace around the world.  what has this year brought us in terms of coming together and working as a team to achieve some worthwhile goals?  can we?  have we?  do we?  

like most people, my mind tends toward the negative - the horrific residential schools that tortured and killed so many innocent Indigenous children in North America.  the attempted insurrection at the Capitol building in the USA following our presidential election.  how Black Lives Matter, yet still don't seem to get the justice they deserve.  how Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (and other Black and Brown women) aren't given the attention they deserve.  which is to say nothing of the ongoing pandemic, and the resulting economic instability...corruption continues to run rampant as democracies crumble, and iniquity grows. let's not forget to add what's quickly becoming a climate emergency to the list, too.

given this recipe for disaster, it's interesting to note that the Global Peace Index reports that while peace continues to deteriorate around the world, it supposedly decreased at a smaller rate this year than usual.  well, thank goodness for small miracles, hey?

it constantly seems to me like the world is on fire, and I cannot understand why 'the powers that be' refuse to see the simple truth that most people living hand to mouth inherently 'get' - that we need each other to survive.  I know the uber-rich think they're just going to shoot themselves off into space and therefore avoid the whole issue, while ignoring the fact that the money they put into their little space-trips could feed entire nations for a year or more.  look at whose net worth increased by the billions during a time of global strife and you will know where to point your fingers when war/famine/disease land on your front door.

ugh.  there's so much to be disgusted by, so let's look at what (if anything) got better this year:

• the total number of assets divested from the fossil fuel industry has increased to about $14 trillion globally, and government fossil fuel subsidies has fallen to a record low of $181 billion in 2020, a 42% drop from 2019
• in the long run, murders and other crimes have fallen...in wars and other violent conflicts, deaths are at their lowest number in history.
• less violence in the world may also be related to the fact that people are more intelligent.
• the shrinking of the ozone layer prompted an adequate response, and we are seeing the first signs of the ozone layer returning to normal.
• the carbon intensity of the US economy has been declining for over half a century and CO2 emissions have also been declining worldwide
• the United Nations has adopted the Goals of Sustainable Development, which aim not only at improving the environment in general but also at improving the quality of life around the world.
  
•  the Internet is leading to the spread of knowledge and the further elimination of geopolitical and social inequalities.

I don't know...the info varies depending on which site you visit, so I'm not going to back any of these statements as true, but I've posted some links and a few articles (above and below) so you can check them out for yourself.  for my self, I'm working to increase my own peace by tending to my spiritual well-being, and amplifying the voices I feel need/deserve amplification (click those links!). 

how are you creating peace in your corner of the world?  do you believe housing is a human right?  how about access to clean water and food?  education?  health care?  trans rights?  sex work being real work?  if yes, right on!  if not...why?

resources:

Pessimism Makes The Headlines But The World Is Getting Better

Between 2020 and 2021, the Earth's vital signs got worse

23 charts and maps that show the world is getting much, much better

Full Blue Moon in Aquarius Community Reading

wow, that's some kind of energy out there this weekend, huh?  I've got a jar of water out charging in the moonlight, and as we're also expecting some wind & rain from the hurricane in the Atlantic, it's gonna be one powerful elixir!  

 

set a jar of water out after sundown, and bring it in before sunrise to make moon water!

 

there was a full moon in Aquarius on July 23, so this lunation is closing that energy out - its all about changing into who we mean to become, which is by no means easy, but the release of pent up emotions will certainly be healing...hopefully of the past so we may move more freely into our futures.  that it's a blue moon only amplifies its power, giving us the courage and creative energy to help new inspirations for the collective take flight...release release release!  'we the collective' have never been more aware of our personal gifts, and the need to share them - take a look back and be proud of how far we've come!  we may find that dialing down any arrogance and judgement helps us to simply recognize our value, and polish ourselves to (near) perfection.  a little "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em" energy!  notice what ignites your passions, and focus on lighting that fire...or alternatively, what scares you to death, and what helps you manage to keep steady and calm?  do we talk about it/use that motivation?  or do we keep it to ourselves so we can deep-dive in solitude?  who are we when no one's looking?  let's make sure to free ourselves of any old, outdated restrictions we're stuck in and grow into everything the collective needs us - and who we need ourselves - to be.  here's what we got:

image shows three cards from The Tarot of a Moon Garden - 9 of Staffs (reversed)/10 of Pentacles/The Hierophant, with a small feather and a string of beads, on a light cloth background.

9 of Staffs (reversed):  that chip on our shoulder is telling us that we haven't been learning from our past mistakes...it's the over-identification with struggle mentality that has us tending to fail at the finish.  focusing on our triumphs - honoring the challenges we've managed to turn into opportunities - can help shift our mindset from victim to victor.  we're So Close, we HAVE to keep going!  there's nothing to be gained from wasting energy being angry that life isn't fair; use it instead to recognize and correct an indefensible position...like creating our own drama and blaming it on others (we all do it, we just change the story to suit our purposes).  there's still a lot of work to do, so let's get after it!  and maybe ease up on the restrictions/boundaries a bit...we need to learn to compromise.

10 of Pentacles:  a long hard path to get to where everything we put work into will flourish; a permanence and satisfaction made all the sweeter for being shared with family.  our plan for the future - the solid foundation on which we support and care for our legacy.  so much abundance through a balance of emotional and physical work.  deep roots help generational abundance thrive.  can this energy feel stagnant, though?  boring?  does it need a good dose of conflict?  while a conventionally stable life feels safe and expansive, we may need to ask if we're doing what really matters to us.  remember to spend time pursuing our passions while enjoying the fruits of our labors.

The Hierophant:  following the path of knowledge and education through sacred institutions, embracing convention, following the process/rules.  a trusted mentor that helps align us with our core values, a symbol of the sacred, and spiritual awareness.  being ok with asking for what we need.  someone who can and will provide wisdom and guidance, or someone who is set in their ways. don't rock the boat.  taking part in a ceremony or ritual of your own creation.

 

 

if the message here is to 'get out of our own way' and stop creating drama that holds us back from working towards building a solid foundation for our future, then perhaps in this moment we need to learn how to do that through established practices and conventional collective wisdom.  this doesn't appear to be an opportune time to seek out groundbreaking new practices, or cutting-edge solutions - stick with the tried and true for success in this instance.  where are we failing, and why?  in what ways are we stepping on our own toes, and avoiding our deepest, most necessary work for the needs of the collective?  how can we best move forward together in ways that honor and uplift us all?  how much work have we done towards updating the 'collective wisdom' in our time, and can we do more?

I know I have a lot to think about in terms of how best to move forward with bringing my dreams to fruition, and 'following the established rules' is probably a great place to start, in my case.  as always, thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this reading is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

resources:

Light Witch Tarot Shop

The Hood Witch

Anima Mundi Herbals

Dr. Michael Lennox

210 42hz Aquarius full moon frequency

Friday the 13th/Saturday the 14th Shabbat Community Reading

it feels like forever since I posted a community reading but I've been moving house, so between the packing up and looking for an apartment (again), and doing the actual lift & carry, I've been a bit absent to say the least.  here it is two weeks later, and I'm just starting to get back to my routines, as the whole process was emotionally, mentally, and very physically draining, and I've needed some serious recuperation time filled with relaxation and self-care.  not to mention all the astrology!  how have you all managed to navigate:  the Venus/Mars alignment, Chiron & Eris going retrograde, Midsummer, and the Lion's Gate portal energy?  it's been a roller-coaster ride of emotional turmoil for me and mine, and I'm looking forward to the gentle energy of the next full (blue) moon on the 22nd.

 

image I found on the internet that I couldn't find any info on ~

 

for today's community reading, I'm using the Tarot of a Moon Garden because the moon is obviously on my mind.  we're currently at a waxing crescent, but I'm feeling the pull to be more attuned to moon energy as the days get shorter, and we sink deeper into the dark half of the year.  I know it's a weird thing to think about while we're still engulfed in a heat wave in the US, with the annual wildfires burning on our western coast, but as the weather gets ever more extreme, I'm doing my best to tune in to how the Earth herself wants me to roll with the updates.  also with peri- or menopause, I'm not as aware of my own cycles, so am looking to the heavens for guidance and wisdom.  here's what we got:

 

image shows four cards from the Tarot of a Moon Garden - The Empress/The Chariot/2 of Pentacles/The Moon, on a pastel background with horizontal silver stripes, crowned by eucalyptus, a gold-tipped feather, driftwood, and a fairy jar.

 

wow, look at all that creative energy in motion!  I dropped one card while shuffling and set it aside, then drew the first three cards.  after looking them over and hearing their message, I turned over the 'jumper' card, and would you believe it was The Moon?  of course you would, because you believe in magic and synchronicity (and I posted a picture), and you know I smiled when I saw it and said, "of course."  so what is it saying?

The Empress - abundance, bounty, generative fertility, She is the Garden of Eden, an Earthly paradise.  all things creative and sensual, nature and nurture, coming to fruition.  the spirit that fills our existence, unstructured inspiration, joyful wholeness.  bring this loving, compassionate energy into your life, let it infuse your days and electrify your nights - start that project, support its growth!  pregnancy?  birth?  who knows?  be in nature, and feel thankful for all it offers!

The Chariot - authentic power and purpose, well earned victory.  who can we be through the refinement of our habits and rituals once we know ourselves?  "what's next" energy.  confidence and control.  harness this determined and triumphant energy for success - act on it with focus, push through, and win!  ...and maybe there's some travel coming soon for some of you?

Two of Pentacles - harmonies dancing in the midst of change.  skillfully balanced, but...are your priorities getting the attention they deserve?  adapt and flow, adjust as needed on repeat.  

bonus card:

The Moon - dreams, magic, mystery...honor your imagination, listen to your heart, and hold hands with your fear of the unknown.  nothing is what it seems, here, so use your intuition over your thought process, feel what's right in your gut.  work with the moon's phases, and it's light, for clarity and understanding.  finding those hidden truths, and freeing them from the past, is the best way forward.  

 

Tarot of a Moon Garden - The Moon card

 

I hope everyone has been well - and again, thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this reading is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

Moon Rose Water Ritual Bath/dreams

I made this amazing Rose Moon Water (pictured below) during my full moon ritual two weeks ago and a few days later, finally had the time and space to be able to bathe in it.  I put some of it in a small spray bottle and used it to mist my sheets, bed, face, and space with it, and I really loved the vibe it gave off.  I'd been feeling really connected to my late maternal grandmother, and I honestly think it's the roses - 'Rose' was her middle name, and she grew roses in her garden.  she made it very clear that she's offering love and support to me while I've been navigating some difficult family situations in the midst of mourning my mother (her daughter), who passed away three months ago.  as we're currently in a Neptune retrograde - a great time for this kind of work - I thought it would be nice to use my Rose Moon Water to help channel both my mother and her mother, and connect with them through dreamwork, where I meet with my ancestors.

 

image shows a glass mason jar filled with reddish-pink water infused with roses, and left out under a full moon

 

rose water is made by simmering rose petals in water, and moon water is made by leaving a jug of water out under the moon - during any phase; I just made this particular batch during the full moon.  so I made rose water from the roses I bought for the Solstice and used in my full moon ritual, then left the rose water out in the light of the full moon, and voilà!  Rose Moon Water!  moon water can be used in any of the ways that you use water - to charge and clean crystals, cleanse your energetic body, clean your home, water your plants, for drinking/bathing/cooking, basically everything!  rose water also has a myriad of uses including soothing skin ailments and irritations, treating sore throats/skin redness/acne/cuts and burns...it can be used in eye drops, to treat infection, to lift your mood and soothe headaches, reduce wrinkles, aid in digestion, to cook with, and makes a great facial cleanser and toner.  it's an antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, antiseptic, analgesic, antioxidant, antidepressant/anti-anxiety powerhouse!  so combining the rose water's natural healing properties with the energies of the full moon, I was looking forward to a great big healing rosy hug from my grandmother before retreating to my dream sanctuary to hopefully connect with both her and my mother on the other side of the veil. 

 

my mother and grandmother, when they were both younger than I am now.  image shows two women in printed dresses seated outdoors.

 

the general wisdom surrounding dreamwork is that one needs to enter a dedicated scared space in which to incubate the kind of dreams that go deeper than our minds just reliving our day - into that gateway between where we can experience meaning.  that this space not be our bedrooms is also part of that wisdom, though many of us don't necessarily have the ability to set up a space to sleep and dream in other than our bedrooms, so just work with what you've got.  if you do have that kind of space to play with - or you if you simply want to bring some of these elements into your existing bedroom - than the colors blue (believed to reduce heart rate and blood pressure), purple, and silver (for some 'otherworldly' charm) are good choices.

lucky me, jewel-tones of blue and purple with silver accents is my bedroom aesthetic.  image shows a white curtain blowing in the breeze across a blue and purple tapestry of peacocks in a tree.

 

for the bath, it goes without saying that the whole room be clean and tidy, but in a pinch, as long as the tub is clean, go for it.  I will leave the lights off and burn a bay leaf or two to clear the energies, then run the bath.  while the tub fills, I'll play some calming music or binaural beats, light some candles and incense, and place some crystals around the tub; I use quartz, amethyst, citrine, & rose quartz...if you have some moonstone, it would make the perfect addition.  there's also eucalyptus hanging in my shower, so the steam from the bath should release those oils as well.  I'll set out a small dish of honey to use as a facial cleanser, and in a bowl, combine: 

Epsom salt

baking soda

a few drops of lavender essential oil

dried rose petals

fresh freesia petals

during this prep work, it's important to be setting one's intentions all the while.  consciously listening to what the energies are telling us, moving in the ways they want us to go.  this much salt/soda (cup and a half?/like a teaspoon).  that much lavender (three drops, maybe).  these flowers...dance with it.  by now the bathroom is all steam and scent and soft sounds, and entering into it deepens a shifted mindset.  my head will already be both open and focused when I pour the Rose Moon Water into the filling tub, followed by the bowl of salt/soda/scent/flower petals.  and when the tub is full, it's time to call on one's guides, and step into the bliss. 

 

image shows flower petals floating in a bath.  there was so much steam it was hard to get any pictures!

soak in your delight.  talk to your crystals and touch them.  put some in the bath with you (careful!  some will dissolve, so do your research).  lay back and breathe deeply.  let your head empty, your shoulders relax, and your body heal.  pay special attention to any areas of your body that need it the most - massage any sore spots, scrapes, and cuts...feel where any energy might be blocked and help keep it moving.  ask yourself what you need.  ask your people to bring the answers to you in your dreams.  also be gentle with yourself, and go slowly - these experiences can be intense.  

when I'm done (usually when I start to doze off and/or the water starts getting too cold) I'll drain the tub and shower off.  this is a good time to use any special towels or robes that you save for ritual occasions; I'd say it's also a good time to use any fancy body products you might like to indulge with, but after all the magical goodness I added to my bath, I just let the natural oils seep into my skin and left it at that (my skin felt like rose petals).  the crystals get placed on the altar, and I'll take a moment to choose one to bring as I head to bed to dream... 

 

Coyote Woman Dreaming by Susan Seddon Boulet

 

now, the dreams we go looking for don't always come right away, but if we stay alert, we'll find them!  use the crystals in your work, or simply carry them around with you to keep the energy moving in a direction.  do use a dream journal every morning upon waking to write down what you remember of your travels in the night ~

art by Pawel Kuczynski

 

*the night of my bath, I dreamt my already long hair (to my butt) reached all the way to the floor, and whomever was there with me (Mom?) was measuring it either against their own, someone else's, or in general. long hair in dreams suggests growth, strength, and is an Earth symbol...the growth of the spirit, psychic abilities, and a connection to all living things. alternatively, it can suggest thinking long and carefully about a decision, or concentrating on a plan or situation. also indicative of good health, virility, sexuality, and vanity. can point to overthinking a situation and not acting.

 

again, thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this post is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

resources:

some ritual practices from lunaluna for more info

some lunar bath rituals from well + good

Neptune (Pluto, Saturn, Jupiter) Retrograde Shabbat Community Reading

whew!  now that we're through the eclipses, mercury retrograde, and the full moon, are you ready to settle into some Neptune retrograde energy (along with Pluto, Saturn, and Jupiter)?  I know I am!  

 

Neptune goes retrograde every year for 5 months - and it stays in each sign for 14 years, which apparently gives a certain nuance to entire generations.  currently in its own native sign of Pisces, Neptune encompasses deeply personal, creative, & dreamy energy...too much of it and we get muddled, cloudy, and can't distinguish between the realms of imagination and the day-to-day.  during its retrograde - because those are internal journeys - we can embrace the clarity and insight of our feelings, thoughts, intuition, and dreams that Neptune brings forward for us,which makes these great times for soul searching, meditation, and reconnecting with Self.

 

cool dreamy/watery image I swiped off the internet - I honestly could not find any info on it.

 

finding ways to strengthen our intuition is a great creative practice, and the kind of work that is its own reward.  caution:  manifest with pure intent only!  having a heart-to-heart with anyone we need to forgive (or who needs to forgive us) and embracing love will strengthen those ltr's.  DO DREAM WORK.  take good care of ourselves to stay grounded, and don't make any rash decisions. it seems that the advice is once again to "slow down and reflect" on everything...I feel like every month I ask "how much more of that can we possibly do?!"  I've slowed down so much, I feel like I'm in retrograde! Neptune and his ocean waters...all that mystery in which to trust our intuition. stop, look, and listen - be clear and flush out the ugly truths that need releasing.

this week's tarot/oracle questions come from Christine @moonandcactus, who offers us the affirmation:  "I let go of any fantasies that aren’t aligned with my true purpose."  also, "don't run away from truth/reality"...that's a good one that I'm holding close to the bone for my personal journey at the moment.  yup, all the bullshit is being stripped away again, and it's time to face up to doing our work (I'm still going through the paces of my eclipse shadow work).  we are encouraged to do it through the arts to get ourselves on a higher plane.  the clarity here has so much healing potential, given our heightened ability to see where we need to focus our work, and our empathy.  for this reading I used The Faeries Oracle because I owed them a favor, and we could all use some playfulness in our lives.  here's what we got: 

 

image shows 4 cards from The Faeries Oracle (The Faery Godmother/The Singer of the Chalice/G.Hobyah/Laiste, Moon's Daughter).  flourite, amethyst, and lapis lazuli for Neptune/Jupiter/Pluto; hematite for Saturn/Pluto; quartz and malachite for Neptune/Uranus; and Herkimer diamonds and garnet for Pluto.  brooch, seashell, tiny Waterhouse mermaid, fairy sword, dried rosebuds, tiny feather, tiny gargoyle, swan feather.

1. How can I be more aligned with my inner truth?  The Faery Godmother

 

 

 

Sairie - The Faery Godmother - speaks of gifts, talents, grace, and helpful lessons.  good things that we don't think we deserve, or haven't thought to ask for, may well be happening.  she helps us open our hearts to love and acceptance.  keep an eye out for unexpected good fortune when you thought bad luck was coming for you, and pass that kindness on.  enjoy the feeling of doing good in secret.

 

 

 

2. How can I be more open to what I’m not seeing?  The Singer of the Chalice

 

 

trust, joy, patience, creativity, hope, and miracles.  the Singer of the Chalice is about being open to unconditional love, healing, and more, as one big feeling that flows through us from the Universe, and if we can open ourselves up to one of those energies, then we can open ourselves up to all of them.  all we need to do is ask, so they know we're consciously ready to let them in. 

 

 

 

 

3. What kind of deception or illusion is currently present?  G.Hobyah

 

 

 

imaginary fears, unreal hazards, realistic caution.  to gain a greater ability to open our hearts the way the Singer of the Chalice asks us, we need to look for the truth behind our fears.  for the strength to face real challenges, we need to see them for what they truly are - and face them honestly - so we can distinguish between them, and what is a projection of our old traumas and fears onto our imaginary futures.  

 

 

 

 

4. What step is needed to remove my rose-colored glasses?  Laiste, Moon's Daughter

 

 

light cast in shadows, spiritual guidance, illumination, riddles.  Laiste wants us to pay attention to the mystical, and she's not beyond putting an obstacle or pitfall in our path to wake us up to the multiverse.  she is encouraging us to mine for subconscious treasure, the cosmic wisdom we don't even know we know, but...we know.  step into the flow of those feelings and lean into trusting that process.  the Moon's Daughter will leave symbols for us to read in our dreams.

 

 

 

 

 "If you lean into the work of self-reflection and find within you a profound willingness to feel the scary feels, the potential for coming out of this lunar cycle radically transformed in deep places in your consciousness is about as good as it gets...turn to whatever connects you most to the Divine during these few days for the comfort and courage that may be required of you at this time.  And remember, there is  no wound that Spirit cannot heal." - Michael Lennox

 

again, thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this reading is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

 

 

resources:

Lexi Hikari for Astrology Answers

moonandcactus

Jamie Partridge - Astrology King

Neptune music

Solstice/Shabbat Community Tarot Reading

the whole reason I started making it a point to have Shabbat dinner on Friday nights was because it was an important and special family ritual that I grew up with that I wanted to continue with my own child, so he could have that same sense of connection and tradition, and a way to honor our cultural heritage. with him gone, I'm not entirely sure how to bring in Shabbat on my own.  I can light the candles and say those prayers.  I can say the rest of the prayers we say (the same ones my dad said) over the bread & wine, and take my sip, eat my pinch...but I'm not much in the mood for chicken soup, or a meal.

my recent foray into embracing the sabbath has been meditating on, and pulling tarot cards for, a community reading, but my well is empty right now, and I have no overflow with which to serve others at the moment. I thought of either doing a one-card pull for myself, to find a place to focus my energy, or write out a ritual for the Solstice tomorrow.  can I do both?  let's find out...  

 

 

...turns out I can't.  again, my well is currently empty, and everything is really hard and taking extra long for me right now.  please be patient with my grieving process, as it interlaces with all the other stress I am/we are navigating during this intense astrological/planetary time.

I set up a lovely Solstice altar with candles, a chalice of water, quartz crystals, garnets, citrine, and amber.  I put on the binaural beats, did my meditation, and pulled my cards.  then I realized I had left 6 of the cards from that particular deck tucked in my tarot journal from the last reading I did.  nice.  so I put the cards away and tried to work on a ritual to share instead, but I was just too tired and foggy to write it all out, so I called it a night.

 

 

today, this is my best: 

ritual - take a ritual bath.  circle up outdoors, preferably around a fire pit.  cast a circle, call in the quarters.  honor Sun deities, the Divine Light, Yang energy...the root, sacral, and solar plexus chakras.  sing, play, dance, drum, feast - Have Sex.  gather and direct the energy raised towards a specific purpose.  thank the quarters, open the circle, ground your energy.  blessed be.

    colors - orange, yellow, white, gold

    crystals - sunstone, serpentine, garnet, amber, citrine, carnelian

    flowers - roses, marigolds, sunflowers, seasonal fruits & veggies

    incense - sandalwood, saffron, frankincense, laurel

    activities - make flower crowns, garden, perform sun salutations, charge crystals out in the sun, 

    pick berries, lay in the sunshine

 

reading - 

image shows 6 cards from the Tarot of a Moon Garden deck, two garnets, and one citrine, on a pastel cloth with silver stripes.

 

what is the sun illuminating for us?  Temperance - balance, moderation, harmony...peace, patience.    the sun is shining a light on our inner calm and perspective, the ways we've learned not to get caught up in drama and adapt to the situations in our lives.  being in touch with who we are brings contentment, while taking the time to re-evalute our priorities will bring us an even greater sense of purpose.

what energy are we currently radiating out to the Universe?  The Tower - destruction, upheaval, chaos.  well, that's not a good look...though it could be!  this card is about change in the most profound way.  a Big change, happening Fast.  throw out the old, and start building something new.  this is unavoidable and scary, but usually brings us a truer foundation than what we were standing on before.

what do our souls need us to release to the sun?  6 of Staffs - victory, pride, celebrity.  all hail the conquering hero, riding through the crowd with their head high, drinking in the cheers...we need to let that go.  perhaps it's not the time to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done?  or just put the brakes on the swelled head that can come with it? 

how can we use the medicine of the sun for our growth?  Ace of Pentacles - prosperity, new beginnings.  this new cycle is suggestive of material things, of a seed that needs to grow in the secure ground of our stability.  nurturing this energy is abundantly rewarding, like watching our dreams become reality, and being ready for the challenge of realizing our potential.

what will manifest from our Solstice intentions over the next 3 months?  6 of Swords - moving on, leaving something behind.  in this card, we see a hardship overcome, and a move towards normalcy returning.  we may not like what had to leave behind to get here, and feel defeated and tired from the challenges we've had to face and overcome, but we are healing, and possibly heading towards a stronger version of ourselves.  we need to think rationally about the best ways to get there.

message from the sun?  Wheel of Fortune - changes, cycles, fate/destiny.  no one can avoid their turns on the wheel.  we must remember to enjoy the good while we have it, because everything can and does change in an instant, then changes again.  while the process can be uncomfortable, that inevitability is the only thing we can rely on - the Universe will maintain it's own balance, and we're mostly just along for the ride.

well that's all pretty intense...but shining a light on our Temperance while we're caught up in Tower energy will certainly bring our consciousness into how we're being the 6 of Staffs, and that Ace of Pentacles brings some hope to the hardships of the 6 of Swords as we all go for another turn on the Wheel of Fortune. the recent eclipses (lunar & solar) with so many planets in retrograde (four!) has been a wild ride, and while we're coming out of it, the astrology speaks to there being even more turmoil on the horizon.  so stay sharp, keep focused, and have your eyes on the prize (whatever that may be for you).

 

 thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this reading is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you, personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

 

Shabbat Community Tarot Reading #4

wow, what a crazy week it's been for me - how about you?  so much upheaval and emotional drama!  even though we're 'through' the eclipse, we're still feeling its energy, and will be for a few days (weeks, months), and as we all know, the cosmic reverberations just keep circling out forever...  

I'm not sure where to start this week, as the reading I did was very personal, and specific to my circumstances.  I feel like if I'm going to read for the community, I can't pretend to be 'love and light' all the time, and like nothing ever goes wrong in my life because I'm claiming to offer to help people focus on doing their own deep work, so I have to show how I do mine.  

 

so - let's just say my child needs their community now in the form of a strong support network to help them navigate away from their current situation into something healthier for them in the long run.  the evil rage monster that lives in me has decided it's time for them to be free, rip off the band-aid, they're ready, I've done my job of preparing for this day well.  why postpone the inevitable?  they've embarked on their own underworld journey now, plumbing their own depths...the astrology would blow them away if they cared to look.  it's not my job to tell anymore, it's my job to love and let go, now.  but they don't want to leave, is the thing.  they wants to make demands of me, threaten and lash out.  they want all the benefits I've always provided - few though they may be - and to act indignantly while taking advantage and bringing so much conflict into our daily lives, I've been triggered back to my father throwing the kitchen table at me when I told him I was moving out (with a great deal more resources than my child has at the moment, though his daddy certainly had a lot less).  

the running away started with the tenuous stirrings of what might become first love.  now that there's 'someone else', I've become obsolete overnight, and have been shut out, and shut down.  so the arguments have escalated to where we're both teetering on the edge of violence, neither of us wanting to cross that line, and for years now, I've been sending them outside to deal with those feelings to get them away from me - it's my house, I won't be disrespected - and get them moving to physically help cycle that energy through.  so we argued, I told them to get out, and they demanded a therapist, so I called in mental health.  they called in CPS.  so now I'm under investigation for abuse, exacerbating an already intense housing crisis (impending homelessness), and did I mention my mom died two months ago?  it's fine...I'm sure I deserve all that and more, don't I?  but the bottom line in my opinion is that they've hit their wall - as have I - and it's time to figure out how to get them what they need from the support network they will build with the help of the authorities they've called in.  we can't live like this anymore.  it would have been nice to have the clarity to handle it on our own, but...oh well.

yeah, it's time to get out of their way, and leave them to it.  I caught a bit of a reading a day or two ago (I wish I could remember where!) that spoke to a wisdom coming in from the side, somehow...that it was important to pay attention to snippets that may come from random sources, and that was the kid yesterday - three times in the midst of the chaos they spoke honest truth, though I doubt they recognized the importance of what they said.  and between my own shadow work, Lorelai Kude's talk of overwhelm, and protecting what you've mothered, and Sasha's speaking of needing to let go of something anything, and 'where do we go from here' energy aligning with true direction and drastic change that has been a long time coming...I'm hearing this message loud and clear.  as hard as it is to focus through all the emotional turmoil, miscommunication, power struggles/control issues, change/liberation/chaos cycles, I'm doing my best to simply survive each day, which in the moment mostly looks like me trying to drink enough water, and failing, repeatedly.

so some cards for me.  some wisdom on how to step out of this dance.  help the kid get what they need to move forward and move along.  there's no coming back...things are irrevocably different and damaged now, so it's time to change course, and let life flow on by without me.  for this reading I used my oldest deck,  and this spread Meg @3am.tarot posted for the New Moon & Solar Eclipse in Gemini (June 10).  here's what we got:

 

image shows an antler, a crystal ball, a small metal goddess figurine, three cards from The Tarot of the Witches tarot deck (The Lovers/The Magician/The Chariot), a quartz crystal, and a garnet on a pastel colored cloth with silver stripes.

 

reflect on:  The Lovers - one rose reaching towards the sun, while a briar entangles the moon.  such a strange card...look at the two of them, dispassionate mannequins entangled in her weird hair, that half dead-or-alive hill they're standing on.  a meaningful relationship...aside from all the love, beauty, harmony, deep feeling, trust, honor, physical attraction, there's the dynamic of sacred vs. profane, and a testing of theories.  an expansion - taking what we've learned, and re-centering from a new vantage point in a spiral progression.  widening the heart.  coming out of isolation into exchange - an act of radical vulnerability; a moment of truth.

revisit & explore:  The Magician - creative Source.  imagination, self-reliance, skill, willpower, curiosity, cleverness, unity in thought and feeling.  deeply connected to, and aware of, the resources surrounding us as well as the magic within them.  an expanding sense of possibility, the first step in a journey - packing The Fool's satchel.  confidence, awake to possibility, throwing open the doors.  expansion, opportunity, courage, tapping into potential.  knowing we are the magic.

seek truth within:  The Chariot - as soon as that expansion happened in the The Lovers card, the fool on their journey recognized their power, and met adversity with resolve and determination.  alert and ready for battle - horses charging forward, his foot on the yoke, he's prepared to balance his mental and physical strength in working towards greatness, as soon as he can get his emotions under control.

there is great significance to me in these cards, considering where my teen is currently holed up, and with cards 6 & 7 - The Lovers and The Chariot - showing up together like that, with only the Magician's spark between them.  there's that pattern of being pushed into things too early, before they're ready, because I'm already holding more than I can safely handle, and something's got to give.  this is my child, born three weeks early.  this is my child sliding down my leg because they won't hold on, they simply trust that 'I've got them'.  this is my child selling off their trains to pay the car insurance that one time.  this is my child's path to freedom - their first steps out on their own.  I'm not going to read their birth chart, or check their horoscope or anything because they didn't ask me to, and I respect people's privacy...but I can see what I see, you know?  all that trauma I tried so hard to avoid passing on, that I made sure to pass on.  our ancestors' hard-won aspirations now crushed beneath my personal failures, and it hurts to live here.

 

thank you for coming along, commenting, and sharing - this reading is for anyone who wants/needs it!  as always, I hope there's something in here for you, personally, and feel free to contact me for a private reading.  

💙💜💙

 

resources:

3am.tarot

good vibes binaural beats