Bushwhacking

Monday ~

feeling better, I think

what was it this time?

the crackers?  the hummus?

the cake?

sick all day until 3pm, had

a handful of grapes and almonds, then

chicken and Muenster wrapped in lettuce,

a few blue chips and hummus,

seltzer around 6:30pm.

let's see how we do ~



Tuesday ~

ok so far today,

but it's after 11, and I've yet to eat.

must, now, as I have 'things to do' for others

and can't afford to pass out, or get snappy

from hunger.



as I knew would happen (lack of planning)

ended up having to eat in a kitchen

that featured

Cadbury eggs

marbled pound cake

York peppermint patties

all the pastas

nutty buddys

and

reduced fat Jif peanut butter.

the teen took the opportunity to feast

on

Annie's mac & cheese

which

he can't have at home

anymore since

I learned Annie's sold out.

I had

a York peppermint patty

a milk chocolate Cadbury egg

a small bowl of

Annie's (hey, I didn't buy it)

then a half-decent meal of

ground beef, tortellini, and roasted red pepper

mayo (wtf with that?)

when I got home,

then

two pieces 88% dark chocolate.



my gut feels fine.

my ears don't like dairy,

but I knew that.

still pretty gassy, but

that seems to be the general

rule.



Wednesday ~

feeling ok

got up early, around 4am

8:30 now, still haven't eaten.

this not eating in the morning is

my first hurdle.

I should check my blood sugar...

140

not bad, but it's eggs, or something else,

and soon.

I'm getting that 'I'm gonna puke' tingle from my stomach

up my neck

to the back of my throat.



now it's starting to throb behind my eyes...

(drinks water)

wait - I get it.

if I don't eat or drink, it doesn't count as

being awake.

I don't have to start my day.

I'm in that limbo

of

being out of bed

but

still in my jammies,

'half-awake'.

interesting...

it's got a very boudoir feel, very

lounge-y.



finally had some leftovers

meat/tortellini/pepper mayo

then the last

few

pieces

of Muenster cheese

with lettuce.

and the Sesame Blues dipped in

tchina (I'm so tired of typing/saying 'tahini' for your colonizing pleasure)

that I snacked on while the leftovers

warmed up.



have a guest coming for a few -

should be fun...

or Not.

Uh oh...

was doing ok, 

had some breakfast, 

decided to lay off the cheese, 

ended up with 

gas station pepperoni pizza 

and chocolate milkshakes 

for late lunch/snack. 

then some ice cream

to wash it down. 

whoa, nelly.

Thursday ~

not sick!

fell asleep

on my chaise

in my dress

in front of a movie

woke up at

4am

on my chaise

in my dress

movie menu theme music

playing over and over

front door wide open

lights on

last thing I remember

the teen was still gaming

I wake him up

at 4am

hold him accountable by

making him get up

go out

and find his cat

who is supposed to be inside

before dark (his rule)



the cheese may have settled just fine

in my stomach,

but it's making me feel

thick

solid

full in a way that implies

all the work I did last month

was for naught.

and the milkshake just makes me want

another.

and another.

I find I can eat my way to the bottom of the

ice cream container

no matter how many milkshakes

I've had.



Friday ~

lots of pimples for me

maybe my guts hurt.

I forget about pain, then

remember I'm supposed to notice it

because it tells me something

about what's going on with my body,

and a day later, I'll think

"did that hurt?"



Saturday ~

wonderland...

frittata breakfast

protein salad lunch

regrouping

from a day at Mom's

simple chores, fold laundry,

vacuum, dishes

eat good food because

I've been feeling like I need

to eat better.

like I put that 30 lbs. right back

on.

Monday's still a few days off -

how will I feel if the scale reads above

200?

I want it to say 198...

or less.

but I want to be less than

200

lbs.



Sunday ~

eggs, turkey, hot dog, bun.

two guys in my inbox

one I've been chatting with awhile,

have met in person,

the other is new.



Monday...

you're not gonna believe it.

check in next week!