A Whole 30!

I'm pretty done with writing down everything I eat for a bit - since I'm doing the reintroductions, now, I'll only post about the foods I'm reintroducing.  I did legumes yesterday, so I'll be back to 'regular Whole30 rules' for the next few days while I evaluate my reactions.  the hard part is, I woke up with a scratchy throat and a very slightly upset stomach the morning of my reintroduction, before I even ate anything.  naturally, I find that confusing, but am still doing my best to pay attention to what's happening with my body.  for instance - I feel a little sniffly, and have been coughing and sneezing a bit...is that because I caught a summer cold (why my throat is scratchy)?  or is it a reaction to the beans? to be honest, I don't really think it has anything to do with the beans!

I went to the doctor's office today to check my weight - guess what?  I LOST 30 POUNDS!!!

several days later, and once again out of food.  I mean, there's food, but there's very little meat, barely any veggies, and enough 'off plan' food to fill in the gap, but I'm not eating it.  nope.  no pasta or dairy for me, thanks.  and it's HOT so I don't want to cook anything.  now that my Whole30 is over, I've basically stopped eating...yesterday I didn't have breakfast, had eggs with some leftover slaw for lunch, and two raw carrots with pesto for dipping for dinner.  I haven't eaten yet today, and it's 4pm.  I was 'supposed' to reintroduce non-gluten grains yesterday, but I didn't, which is odd, because I was kind of looking forward to a big bowl of brown rice, but again - it's too hot to cook, so I didn't.  sigh...now I'm thinking this program may have triggered my mild eating disorder issues, and adding that into my lack of funds, I may be in some trouble in the near future in terms of my diet and health.  I'll try to work with it, but it would also be nice to lose a ridiculous amount of weight really quickly the way I used to when I was a dumb kid.  you'd think I might have learned something, but alas...dumb kids apparently grow into dumb adults.

and then I went grocery shopping, and cooked a meal with all the leftovers.  Brussels sprouts, red onion, butternut squash, ground turkey, tomato paste, veggie broth, herbs and spices.  it wasn't great, but it was good enough.  I thought I should go back to writing down what I eat, I feel a bit out of control now that I've taken a week to "ride my own bike" as they say.  ugh, and I'm quoting their stupid catchphrases...  I even chose to take a bite of the teen's pie that he made, even though I haven't finished the reintroductions.  it was only okay, and not worth it, so I was able to just have that one bite, but it did make my sugar cravings go instantly through the roof.  I do have cravings from time to time, but much like when I was pregnant, I can't identify what it is I'm craving, so it's hard to satisfy, and I'm willing to forgo the effort.  I'm obsessed with my belly, now, and spend time massaging the fat while I flex the muscle underneath, wondering 'if I get slender, will I have excess skin?'  so I'm trying to remember to engage my abdominals as much as possible.  I still haven't been able to get myself to exercise, which is probably the key to climbing out of this post-challenge low I fell into...the key word is Balance, I think.

from my facebook two days back:

going through a lot of 'feels' since I'm not using food as an emotional crutch just now. I have to face up to the fact that I'm alone and lonely, and why, and what that means in a larger sense. it kind of sucks to know that I'm an unlovable kind of person, and figure out how to move forward with that awareness without chocolate ice cream, cheese, & pizza. the phone never rings for a reason. no one stops by for a reason. no one invites me out for a reason. on another hand, it's fine that they don't, because I don't really want to hang with most people, anyway. pretending to care is exhausting, but a lack of human contact can be lethal, I hear...where's the balance?

 new day
around 10am - leftover Brussels sprouts/onion/squash/turkey/sauce with some black beans added in.
2 water

now here's something interesting - we went to this show last night at Levon's, it was Paul Green's 'farewell concert to Woodstock', with his show band that he's been on tour with for the past 10 days.  some of those kids have been his students for 5 years or more.  it was really emotional for all of them, and it was a great show.  there was A TON of food there!  at some point (after I ate the banana I brought with me), I decided I was going to eat some of it.  there were salads, but they either had dressings I couldn't identify, or cheese, or croutons...there were lots of cheesy pastas, and cookies, and brownies, too.  one family brought pulled chicken, and I thought, "oh I can have that!  with that other family's rice and beans."  so I did.  earlier in the day, we were supposed to meet a friend in Kingston for lunch, but she got held up, so we just hit the salad bar at the grocery store instead, and I put corn on my salad, and bought a bag of blue chips to spontaneously reintroduce non-gluten grains.  I think, like with the beans, I felt a bit bloated and gassy, and possibly even itchy, so I can take it easy with that. 

after I ate the chicken and the rice & beans, the gloves came off and I had some ziti...and then some Caesar salad.  then a few meatballs, and some more pasta, and a cookie.  then another cookie, and a brownie.  I kept telling myself it was a special occasion, and it was, but that's no excuse to lose all self control.  honestly, on the thread in the Whole30 forums where a bunch of us who all started on June 1st have been chatting, at least two people talked about going nuts at 4th of July barbecues, and it made me feel like, "gosh, I haven't gone off plan once, haven't even had a square of super dark chocolate to celebrate my victory, I'm going to let loose a little," and it turned into an all-out binge.  I brought home a tray of food, even, and had a chunk of that pie the teen made, because I'm off-track and running wild, now. 

new day
around 12 noon - scrambled eggs with red onion & spinach
slice chocolate pie
sunshine sauce with chips & veggies
1 seltzer, 1 water

ugh, I feel like crap.  I feel like I slept all day, and I might just as well have.  what a waste!  I could sleep through another day, too.  I'm tired and bloated, and itchy, and full of cravings...I feel like I gained 10 pounds (sshhh, don't even say that).  there's this mucus way up back in my throat, almost like post-nasal drip...