listen: this tragic itch
unfolded
as it rushes a sigh,
a wish,
to blast milky
from the top of my glassy ceiling.
the one from which
the visibility
begins to lighten,
like the slicks of ice
that twinkle,
glassy,
glassy,
in my mind.
this tragic itch
that blasted -
unfolded -
as I reached the sky,
with the milky-white moon
as my guide,
lightening...
listening...
my need unfolded,
like the ice slicks
that my thoughts
unwind
in the iris
of my glassy
eye.
in the iris
of my glassy
eye.
I think with the words, they could only lead to ice, and milky moons and such. You and I were on the same wave length with them :)
ReplyDeleteone would think - if one chose to lead with the words...thanks for your visit!
DeleteLove the sounds, word choices here... great piece!
ReplyDeletethanks, Laurie!
DeleteWe all have fun trying to scratch the creative 'itch' in finding places for the Wordle list! I enjoyed the poetic listing that leads to more complex imaginings...
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting both of my contributions this week.
Keep warm! It is nearly 10am here and the sun doesn't look like it is going to make an appearance. I may just end up putting up a fire!
Cheers.
thanks, Jules - and you're welcome! it's pretty dark around here, too, a fire sounds nice...
DeleteThis is dreamy, ethereal, enigmatic.
ReplyDeleteI think of a were wolf transformed by the milky moon. But I also can't keep from thinking about the tragic itch that blasted it's way into my entry.
On thing in your poem seems force-fit: "to blast milky / from the top of my glassy ceiling."
I jarred me out of your poem's flow.
You've used the wordle words elsewhere, so you don't really need them here.
Cheers!
JzB
yaay - some constructive criticism! I feel as if people just go around telling each other how great their pieces are, much to the detriment of any true talent or skill, so thank you for that. (I generally won't leave a comment if I don't like a piece, but I was feeling...less than kind this week, sorry) I wrote the poem from the top down, and felt like it needed 'something more', so I went with the repetition. the words themselves didn't really flow together that well, in my opinion, so I hear you, and I don't really think this piece is all that good - but that's bound to happen when there's a forced aspect to any piece of art. thank you so much for your honesty, and your visit!
DeleteI like the repetition and the music it brings to your poem. And agree with most of what has already been said: dreamy, ethereal etc.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
thank you, Elizabeth!
DeleteHi Mama, I don't understand your wordle but that's okay. I read it after reading your sexy dream and my mind is on other things (hee hee). I rarely read other people's comments but I noticed a long one above and discovered it was you responding to Jazzbumpa. I do not write anything I don't feel. Sometimes it's difficult to come up with the right words to express how I feel. Sometimes just saying I love it should be enough.
ReplyDeletehey Cheryl, I don't really get it either! I had trouble smashing the words all up, and it almost kinda didn't really make sense, but that's how I've been feeling, so it sorta passed? I don't think I write anything I don't feel, but I guess I've never really thought about it in depth, so thanks for that, because now I will pay more attention to it. always good to hear from you! : )
DeleteI love the feel and dreaminess of this.
ReplyDeletethanks, Sara!
Delete