Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Sunday Whirl #87


top lighten visibility listen blast sigh slicks rushes itch unfolded glassy milky tragic

listen:  this tragic itch 


as it rushes a sigh,

a wish,

to blast milky

from the top of my glassy ceiling.

the one from which

the visibility

begins to lighten,

like the slicks of ice

that twinkle,


in my mind.

this tragic itch

that blasted -

unfolded -

as I reached the sky,

with the milky-white moon

as my guide,



my need unfolded,

like the ice slicks

that my thoughts


in the iris

of my glassy



  1. I think with the words, they could only lead to ice, and milky moons and such. You and I were on the same wave length with them :)

    1. one would think - if one chose to lead with the words...thanks for your visit!

  2. Love the sounds, word choices here... great piece!

  3. We all have fun trying to scratch the creative 'itch' in finding places for the Wordle list! I enjoyed the poetic listing that leads to more complex imaginings...

    Thanks for visiting both of my contributions this week.

    Keep warm! It is nearly 10am here and the sun doesn't look like it is going to make an appearance. I may just end up putting up a fire!

    1. thanks, Jules - and you're welcome! it's pretty dark around here, too, a fire sounds nice...

  4. This is dreamy, ethereal, enigmatic.

    I think of a were wolf transformed by the milky moon. But I also can't keep from thinking about the tragic itch that blasted it's way into my entry.

    On thing in your poem seems force-fit: "to blast milky / from the top of my glassy ceiling."

    I jarred me out of your poem's flow.

    You've used the wordle words elsewhere, so you don't really need them here.


    1. yaay - some constructive criticism! I feel as if people just go around telling each other how great their pieces are, much to the detriment of any true talent or skill, so thank you for that. (I generally won't leave a comment if I don't like a piece, but I was feeling...less than kind this week, sorry) I wrote the poem from the top down, and felt like it needed 'something more', so I went with the repetition. the words themselves didn't really flow together that well, in my opinion, so I hear you, and I don't really think this piece is all that good - but that's bound to happen when there's a forced aspect to any piece of art. thank you so much for your honesty, and your visit!

  5. I like the repetition and the music it brings to your poem. And agree with most of what has already been said: dreamy, ethereal etc.


  6. Hi Mama, I don't understand your wordle but that's okay. I read it after reading your sexy dream and my mind is on other things (hee hee). I rarely read other people's comments but I noticed a long one above and discovered it was you responding to Jazzbumpa. I do not write anything I don't feel. Sometimes it's difficult to come up with the right words to express how I feel. Sometimes just saying I love it should be enough.

    1. hey Cheryl, I don't really get it either! I had trouble smashing the words all up, and it almost kinda didn't really make sense, but that's how I've been feeling, so it sorta passed? I don't think I write anything I don't feel, but I guess I've never really thought about it in depth, so thanks for that, because now I will pay more attention to it. always good to hear from you! : )

  7. I love the feel and dreaminess of this.


I do so love to hear from you - please let me know that you came to visit (sorry about the word verification, but I've been getting too much spam)!