surrender the hoard!

written on June 14th, 2020 ~

     I prefer movies to television, but since I've been home So Much recently, I've watched a few tv shows here and there to fill in the spaces. and since I'm maturing into such a good-humored old dear, bless my heart, I tend to watch shows I've seen a bit of before, because I know I've enjoyed them for one reason or another, such as Hoarders. I like it because the houses I grew up in boasted a regimented comfort. everything had a place, and everything Stayed in it's place unless you were using it, after which you'd put it away. our things were always neat, clean, and in order. at summer camp, I was the kid who bounced a quarter on my hospital-cornered cot. when I moved out of my parents' house and lived on my own, my rooms and apartments were clean to the point of being camera-ready (a guest once commented that all my place was missing were the velvet ropes...you know, like a museum?). as a new, struggling, single mom, the piece of advice I got from veteran moms the most was to stop cleaning my house. it was hard for me to do, but I managed, and that velvet rope guest commented that they now felt much more at ease in my space. I didn't.  

     as the boy grew, we acquired more things - a crib that converted to a toddler bed, a dresser, a bookshelf, a table & chairs, toys, clothing, a tricycle.  then some of those items got bigger - a bicycle that got traded up for a mountain bike, a twin bed that got upgraded to a full-sized loft, a guitar and amplifier, a computer, a new tv, another chair...for someone who spent years living in my car out of a backpack while traveling the country, it started to be too much.  a few years back, when I helped my mom move out of her house and into an apartment, I ended up bringing a few car-fulls of ancestral belongings home with me:  my grandfather's marble inlaid chess table, some of my grandparents' framed artwork and antiques, kitchen items, and more.  there's wasn't really room for a lot of it, but I tucked them in under tables, around my bed, and into cabinets and closets.  

     when I was surprised by the news that the state was taking over the property I lived on to rebuild a bridge and we had to move again, I was less than enthused (outraged, really).  I brought a portion of my hillock of inherited ancestral detritus to sell at the local flea market, then I had a yard sale.  on moving day, whatever was left had to come with us, since I was too emotionally attached to it to just consign it all to the dumpster.  once we were settled in, I managed to sell a few more items on eBay, but I still have too many things stacked in the hallway and the bedroom to feel good about my space.  anyway...since I had the opportunity to watch a little tv, and I ended up watching Hoarders, I came to the decision that I was done cluttering up my home with these 'overflow' items, and was just going to give them to the various places where one donates their household goods.  

     so I've been taking things out of my space, a few bags at a time, and I'm SO glad I have!  I can't wait to get that hallway cleared, and then the bedroom.  at my age, and where I am in my life, I don't need or want any clutter around me (not that I ever did, really); and even though I purged some things before the move, and I'm working on getting rid of more, I'm still looking to pare down to possibly spartan levels of ownership.  I mean, what does a person really need?  sure, it's nice to be surrounded by lovely things that bring you joy, but all I ever needed to experience that was a tent in the woods.  I'd like to get back there again.  or at least as close as I can while still maintaining some semblance of what our current society considers 'a proper home'.  and I like sleeping on a firm mattress with a warm, soft blanket more than I enjoy sleeping on the ground in my sleeping bag, these days.  

     while there are things I'd like to pass on to my son, none of them are a pile of random inherited ancestral crap, or even the slightest tendency towards hoarding.  to be clear, I'm in no way a hoarder - I'm just a reformed neat-freak who likes for my environment to be clean, and clutter-free.  

 

6 years later, an update ~

    we moved two more times since then, possibly more depending on how you count, and I'm still carrying around 'too many things'.  while I did a lot of work in that apartment, the next place we moved was a tiny furnished place that we knew we were only going to be in for a year, so 95% of our things went into storage for the duration.  when the year was up, we took everything from the storage space and put it into a moving van, drove to another state, and put it all right back into storage as we didn't have a place to live yet.  then I sent the young man off to college, and lived in the car for 5 months until an apartment was finally available.  at first I just moved in with what I had with me in the car, then went and grabbed a few things like my mattress, extra blankets and clothes, toiletries, and kitchen items.  when the kid came home for winter break, we spent most of the month retrieving the rest of it, and I was once again surrounded by boxes.

    it took some time to get it sorted out and put away, and wouldn't you know it?  I ended up with a stack of things I no longer wanted or needed (but was too emotionally attached to to just throw them in the dumpster) that ended up tucked into corners, under tables, and stuffed into closets.  I did make an effort to clear most of those items out during the 2 years that I lived there, but when I decided to make Aliyah, I had to get serious about what I could bring overseas with me, what I couldn't, what my son wanted to keep, and then get rid of the rest.  

    my apartment here in Israel is very small, and though I've been here for a year already, I still have quite a few boxes that I can't unpack because I have nowhere to put the contents, which are mostly chachkis, framed art, and lord knows what else.  and I do miss a lot of the things I left behind, but...that's life, and you can't take it with you when you die, anyway.  so while I do hope to get myself into a situation where I can once again hang my dresses in a closet, keep my undies in a drawer, and display my lovely chachkis, I am still living with stacks of boxes cluttering up my environment.  it's definitely messing with my head, but I do my best and hope for better.  someday.

    I hope my son has managed to clear out whatever I left behind that he wasn't interested in keeping - I'd hate to see him keeping unnecessary things around simply because he's too emotionally attached to them to just throw them in the dumpster.  though I do hope he's held on to a few precious things to give back to me someday, if we ever see each other again.  or just because he loves them, and will remind him of his ancestors after I'm gone.