open heart
splintered heart
escaping into the open
cracked open
splintered open
my heart crawls open
my heart collapses
collapses open
cracked open and splintered like bones
my bones escaping
escaping my heart
cracked open and splintered like grain
grain cracking crows
splintered by crows
escaping through my open heart
the clay quilted
across my heart
splintered by crows
the bones quilted
crawling across my open heart
splintered like clay
escaping the quilts that collapse my bones
in the splintered clay where
the crows crack grain
open like my heart
collapsing open like my splintered heart
crawling across my bones
this one felt like a chant to me, with a rhythm of its own. not sure if I caught it, but the repetition at least hints at the solemnity and power of the image these words laid out in my mind. do join in the fun at:
Oh! Oh! Oh! I love this one! The repetition works beautifully, and I found myself going back to read it aloud. Caw! Caw! Caw!
ReplyDeletethanks Brenda! I loved the repetition in yours, as well!
DeleteOh this incredible piece. Love the repetition it, it suits the poem so well.
ReplyDeletethank you so much, Cathy! it seems a number of people used the same device - I guess the words just called for it!
DeleteThe form you have given to these words seems designed to accentuate the desolation. Brilliant!
ReplyDeletethey felt pretty desolate to me, but then I read one of the responses that was full of life and energy! I guess we all see what we see...thanks for stopping by!
DeleteThe chanting effect suggests some kind of affirmation that deals with constant mental pressures. Interesting effect.
ReplyDeleteinteresting thought! thanks for stopping in, and for your comment!
DeleteI love what you done with these words. They seem to naturally predict and yet hearken back to other words. The overall impression is of a devastatingly broken heart. Nicely done!
ReplyDeletethanks! the words seemed to lend themselves to something dark and foreboding - it was tough to write!
DeleteYes - it does feel like chant..a very clever use of words...the end lines seeping into beginning lines..like the healing of fractured bones...separate but joined
ReplyDelete'like the healing of fractured bones'...thanks, I like that, and it fits well with the theme of the words the way I used them.
DeleteIn one way it was fun, in another way, maybe one or two too many repetitions? Still I loved what you did. Perhaps it is a song? Just for the fun of it, I would love to see it stripped down?
ReplyDeleteyes. I had trouble finding the rhythm I wanted, and the words kept tumbling over themselves in my mind, trying to figure out how they wanted to fit together. not sure I succeeded, and I agree there is a 'stripped down' version in there, somewhere. I didn't take that much time with it - perhaps I should have taken more and found the essence! thanks ~
DeleteSpectacular use of repetition! Mournful chronicle of sadness and regret. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI heard and saw the chant. It definitely has its own rhythm.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
right? thanks for visiting!
DeleteAnd it reads like a chant! I really like how you used repetition to give it that effect and to bring home the point of the open heart...the heart of this lovely poem. Bravo.
ReplyDeletethank you - I like that an open heart was what you got out of it; maybe I'll reread it with that perspective, and see what I get!
DeleteThe heart splintered open. The heart will reach for the light, over and over. You are listening to love as it makes space in your heart. You would think it would not be so hard.
ReplyDeleteinteresting take, thank you! everyone seems to have found something different in this. I love all the perspectives, as I get to see the words anew each time another one is suggested. :)
DeleteIt DOES sound like a chant--of joy? or horror? or both?
ReplyDeleteWhirling with Marge
probably a little bit of both!
Deletethank you - it's been quite a few months since this post, but I will pop in over at yours to return the favor!
ReplyDelete