Tuesday, September 11, 2018

The Poor Gourmet

if there's one thing I totally don't have down, it's food.  I do my best in the kitchen, and have made some lovely things from time to time, but that is Not the norm, and I make up for my lack of food planning and preparing skills by being charming in other ways.  if you read along, you may have caught my recent posts about doing the Whole30 challenge, for what that was worth, and it was worth enough for me to start paying much closer attention to what I eat, and how it affects me.  also if you've been reading along, you may have noticed that I recently spent two weeks in Israel, where I ate an array of tasty foods in a number of venues!  for starters, knowing I was going away, I just served up whatever needed using up in the fridge before we left, so we ate a bunch of sandwiches from the deli, and pizza.  I had a burger before I left my house, knowing I wouldn't get a 'good American cheeseburger' overseas, then ended up getting just one more the next day at my mom's, because she had the same plan!

there's nothing good to say about Newark or the airline (United) at all, in terms of food (and other matters), so I'm just going to skip ahead to the first real Israeli meal we had, which was the breakfast buffet at the Artplus in Tel Aviv.  it was small, but everything I would expect from an Israeli buffet:  scrambled eggs, shakshuka, hard boils, greens, hummus, tchina, pastry, cereal, juices, salads, bread, coffee, tea.  everything was delicious but my hard boiled egg - the yolk was too green for me, and it affected the taste of the white.  we hit the road pretty quickly, only stopping for some ice cream and drinks for a snack/lunch before continuing on to the kibbutz we would be staying at for the next few days, where we were met with Israeli salad, and challah rolls.

our friends on the kibbutz had the best eggs!  fresh and delicious, with bright yellow yolks and creamy whites.  they were perfect hard boiled, scrambled, or as a thin, Israeli omelette.  there were plates of Israeli salad at every meal (tomato, cucumber, lettuce), cheeses, leben with oil, home-made challah rolls, olives, mango, watermelon...there was schnitzel - chicken pounded thin, breaded and fried to a golden crisp.  there were figs from the trees.  there was lunch out at the nearest roadside diner, an Arab place where we all had kebob, either beef or chicken, as well as the standard salad/hummus/tchina/pita spread (yay!  finally!), including Matbucha (the teen's first new love on this trip), pickles, olives, and some sort of coconut flan for dessert with the sweetest pink syrup I have ever tasted (along with the standard baklava, and other delights).

Netanya...what to say about Netanya?  we had a rough time there, and it wasn't the experience I wanted it to be.  we had dinner of a sort, eventually...the last pizza from under the heat lamps, hummus and pita from grocery store packages, a bottle of inexpensive red wine, and some ice pops.  breakfast wasn't much better, being pastry from the local gas station, in which I didn't take part.  lunch, when we finally got to it, was Caesar salad, and some hummus/pita/tchina.  then we headed down to Jerusalem where we checked in for a few days, and ate mainly at the hotel.

the hotel buffets were brilliant - like the one I described of the Artplus earlier, but much bigger.  the one at the Crowne Plaza was fantastic, with a coffee bar, breakfast bars, meat and veggie options in a wide variety, a salad bar, cheese bar, bread bar, drink options, and desserts aplenty!  I was feeling pretty good with my food choices so far, and being on vacation, I did choose to go a little wild, but the vast amounts of items on display made me take a step back, and make even more conscious choices than I had already been.  also, having the opportunity to see what my mom and son were choosing to eat gave me the ability to compare and contrast the fuel we were putting into our bodies, and how we performed throughout the day, energetically.

I basically stuck to protein and greens, with a bit of cheese and bread at each meal.  when things fell apart, and we turned to store-bought pizza, packaged chips and snacks, never mind the alcohol, moods and relations suffered.  a big bowl of greens always helps to get back on track (even those drowning sadly in dressing), and had me circling the salad bar at every meal.  on the street it was felafel, lemonade, baglach with za'atar, seltzer, chips (fries), schwarma, and Caesar salad.  we had a sort-of fancy meal at the Israel Museum...it had been a busy day, and though we didn't do much, the little we did involved a great deal of effort, and left us tired, so when we got to the museum, we got my mom a wheel chair, and pulled her up to a table in the fancier of the two cafes there were to choose between.  she ordered a glass of the house wine, and we took our time over a well-prepared meal before heading out to explore the grounds and exhibits.

out to dinner on the mall with a friend was more Caesar salad and cups of ice cream, followed by a casual Israeli breakfast prepared by the same friend, and we were off to Masada in the desert, where we had more felafel and schwarma!  after a dip in the Dead Sea, it was pizza for dinner, and another amazing hotel buffet breakfast to sustain us through a morning on the beach, and the ride back to Jerusalem where we lunched at the Elvis American Diner on our way to Tel Aviv.  as per the norm, the hotel in Tel Aviv had a life-sustaining breakfast buffet, but for two nights, we ordered in tacos, and had the one schwarma lunch that we walked to and from, dragging my poor mom along because she needed to eat, too.

then we had the last leg of our trip at another fancy hotel, with breakfast buffets, and room service, because we were just too done in to get dressed to a level to feel presentable enough for the restaurant after a few days on the beach.  then up and out - from breakfast buffet, to the airport, with airline food generally a non-mentionable, we found ourselves back in the States, having pizza delivered for dinner, and diner breakfasts of eggs, bacon, toast, home fries, and one chicken Caesar salad for a certain growing teenager.  back home to frozen pizza.  grocery run, and a protein salad, then more pizza, ice cream, and nachos.  then that sick feeling I get when I've overdone it, but much milder.  manageable.  I put on about 6 pounds while I was eating hummus and pita like a fetishist, but there's no way in hell I wasn't going to enjoy that food while I was in the Middle-East!

when I got home, I made a batch of mayo to mix with the batch of ketchup I made so I could have the Russian dressing I grew up with on my protein salad yesterday (was it yesterday?  I'm still not sure what day it is) - mayo/ketchup/red wine vinegar.  I bought some fresh greens (basil, parsley) for the chicken salad I thought I'd make (there was a pouch of schwarma-flavored 'instant marinade' we were fooled into buying at the store), so maybe there could be pesto?  and I want to make at least one 'decent meal' this week, by which I mean 'a proper dinner'.  if I can only stay awake long enough to cook it...

I must remember to eat.  I must remember to cook.

I did make the chicken schwarma, which was, as we knew it would be, a joke.  the food alone is reason enough to move to Israel...but that's another subject for a post about how I want to 'live differently', that I'm turning 50, and it's time for something new.  I need to make some moves.  why not a different language in the old country?  it's not like I can't come back - or even go somewhere else from there!

egg for breakfast, schwarma chicken salad for lunch, pita/oil/za'atar, too.  can we talk about the pita?  the pita we buy in the bakery section at the local store?  it's horrible, no?  I don't even know what to say...and the schwarma, with that chemical-spice-taste that's not 'spice' per se, but chemical burn in a pouch.  it's not even a flavor, it's just...burn.

and ice cream, and more ice cream.  with whipped cream, as well (of course).  and chicken parm from the pizza place (we miss the schnitzel).  but then there was more protein salad, and apples and honey for the holiday.  and chocolate.  ugh...

the fact that's it's chilly and grey out is kind of bullshit, too, actually...after sunny summer beach weather, I'm about done with the cold and rainy, even though it's a relief to the NYers, because they've had hazy, hot, and humid misery while we were enjoying the gorgeous Mediterranean.  also, I bought summery salad foods at the store, and now I want chili, which I don't have the ingredients for!  GAHH!!!


  1. Keeping it real always, which is pretty rare when people are writing about food. A great read.


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