Inspector Pineapple

so, there were a few people I know who had a rough week this week, and one of them was me.  as is my nature, I will say 'it could have been worse', as it could have, but it was inconvenient for that large branch to come down on my power lines and leave me without electricity for 2 1/2 days.  and my teen had dress rehearsals and shows all weekend, so it was especially annoying to not have a way to cook the food that ended up going bad in my fridge, or enough money to eat out.  but my friends came through with some random cash, and the kid ate, and the power was restored, and the shows were great.  and I remain grateful for all the blessings, and would be looking forward to going to the grocery store, if my stomach didn't hurt so much from the crappy Chinese food we got for a late-night meal.  every time...every time I get food from that place, it fucks up my stomach.  my body is sending a clear signal - I need to stop eating there.  in fact, I have to go puke some more...

ugh.  I still don't want to go do the job I was supposed to do last night.  I don't want to be more than a quick jog from my own bathroom, today.  so far;  I mean, I may start to feel better eventually, it doesn't usually last all that long.  anyway...enough about my churning guts, and more about someone else's bad week.  apparently, the response to my sticking my neck out to my bro (in my way, which probably isn't the nicest), was for him to unload a bunch of anger on our mom.  he doesn't want to reconcile, he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, he wants her to leave him alone about it, he doesn't want to hear from me ever again.  he's been giving her nothing but shit, and in one way, I'm proud of him for finally coming out from under her skirt and thinking about moving away, but he doesn't have to be mean about it, we're all adults, after all...though I do know a good many adults who exhibit decidedly poor behavior, so he's not alone, there.  but who wants to be a member of That club?

anyway, it's been most of a week since I wrote the above paragraphs - I was sick Sunday and Monday, was fair on Tuesday, was better on Wednesday, and today was Thursday, but it's now two hours in to Friday, so I think I can safely say I missed my blog deadline this week, and it doesn't matter to anyone but me (but I do thank you for your support).  so the energy crisis  is over, I've got the final word on my brother's refusal to reconcile, my stomach is back to functioning normally, and I'm once again way behind on my tasks and chores.  my to-do list just keeps growing, nothing seems to change in terms of the condition of my house (too much crap everywhere that doesn't even belong to me driving me batty), I over-scheduled myself again, I have a tedious job to complete for money but hey it's money, and it's suddenly too hot to sleep.  to be fair, the magnolia bloomed today, my son picked some daffodils out of the woods for me and the smell is intoxicating (my grandmother grew them in her garden and she always picked me a bunch when I came to visit because she knew I loved the way they smelled), my second batch of radishes are coming in nicely, and if the weather holds I'm going to bring my plants back outside for the season.  I always find a way to balance both ends of the spectrum, don't I?

but I still don't have anything to write about, or say (like that ever stopped me). I had saved up some old horoscopes from my favorite pie-eyed shaman supreme buffoon in case I ran out of material, and he said that some of my stale, old patterns are changing, I am reaching the end of paying off a large, emotional and/or spiritual debt, and that while nothing is ever 'all good' or 'all bad', I am about to experience a graceful stroke of 'all good' fate.  now, lovely as that all sounds, I Have been working hard towards improving my circumstances with the tools I have, where I am, but I have yet to see any payoff, though I am patient, and I have been down for most of a week due to both the aforementioned electrical issues, and physical illness, so I'm gonna go ahead and cut myself some slack on that.  not sure about the emotional/spiritual debt, but I did happen to run into some old acquaintances I hadn't seen in awhile, and it was nice to reconnect after having slammed the proverbial door in the face of a formerly close friend, recently (among others who maybe used to be close, but are now mere blips on a social media screen).

if one subscribes to Steiner's theory of 7 year cycles, I would be coming to the end of my 'spiritual childhood', and choosing whether to stop evolving, or to realize my own creative potential, and empower the world around me.  if you know me at all - if you've read at least one 'trigger warning' post on this blog - you'd know I'm more interested in the later of those two options (though I also tend to believe there are generally more than two options in any given situation).  I have no problem directing my focus inward, because I'm (mostly) happy with what I find there, or have the tools to deal with, or correct, what I find less than palatable.  in taking an inventory of my life's purpose, I can say that I've done pretty well, taken a few twists and turns, but what would life be without those unintended detours?  and while it's silly to say while I'm sitting in my house, in good health, on a spring day, I am at peace with my own mortality.  I can't even stand it when people in movies scream and beg for their lives - die grasping for one more moment, and act a fool.  have some dignity, people...it's just the next step.  as the quote by Malaclypse the Younger at the top of the home page of this blog reads:  "And so it is that we do not exist until we do; and then it is that we play with our world of existent things, and order and disorder them, and so it shall be that Non-existence shall take us back from Existence, and that nameless Spirituality shall return to Void, like a tired child home from a very wild circus."

and there, I've knocked out my blog post for the week, late as it is, and I can cross that off my list, move forward, and see where I need to be going with this process for next week.  thanks for stopping in, see you in a few days!