Friday, March 25, 2011


Saturday was a great day, really fun.  The boy and I went to the park, rode his bike over to check out the skate park, played at Small World which is apparently only one of the complexes playgrounds, rode around some more, came home for a nice warm late lunch, and decided to drive the 4 hours to Vermont to see his dad's new band play at P-Pie in Montpelier.  Sure, why not?  I'm always up for a night out dancing to great live music, and the kid could take a nap on the drive and stay up late with the party people, so off we went, me with extra layers, the small one with his ninja gear and stuffies.  Yay!  The drive was as fine as could be - the only thing missing was my BF, my good time friend, in the passenger seat, smiling out into the distant night, singing along with me and the radio, feeling fine.

As the boy was lulled by the asphalt rhythms, and I was left to myself, I thought how awful a parent I must be for driving to Vermont to take my son to see loud rock band in a bar late at night.  What was I doing?  I was taking my kid to a gig at a bar in a city 4 hours away late at night because his dad was playing guitar for a rock band and our friends were meeting us there and would probably be drunk and we would sleep on a couch or something and head home in the morning.  Yup.  I'm insane.  And I mourned my son, and pondered mythology, feeling across the ages to hold Mary's hand as she watched them crucify Jesus, thinking about the mythology I had begun, and wondered where I would let it take me, where it would lead.  How I would be led.  I saw then a partner, a shining light, felt his love beaming out at me from that empty shotgun seat, and I understood again how everything was just going to be okay, and I smiled my joy singing out into the fly by night...calling to Dionysus' panther that I wouldn't mind a lift.

And as I was Ariadne, riding that panther, making the miles disappear under the wheels of my modern godly chariot, I watched a giant yellow moon rise enormous over the horizon; held spellbound by the sight of Her, brought to my metaphorical knees by the Beauty, I swayed in my seat in my true happiness, savoring the delight of the Moment, blessed as it was, and sweet.  Joyousness must have woke my angel, because as he stirred, and looked to catch my eye in the rear view, That Moon broke free of the trees and floated up into the sky like a luminous Eye, and looked down upon Everything, and I held out my hand to her, reached to bask in her smooth amber glow, and I saw the eyes of my son read Her light along it's reflection in the silver circles on his mother's arm, and we were holy again.

I got a bit worried that they might not play long, and that we might miss them, that we drove all this way for nothing, and made my attempts at teleportation, but got frustrated, missed a turn somewhere and ended up a half an hour down the road from where I wanted to be, and when.  Tragic.  I pounded that last 30 minutes hard, had all the gears firing, was vibrating with it as we pulled up in a dusty ball of kinetics coming to rest all at once in a hurry.  Bam.  Here we are.  We rushed breathless to the door, to the big window where we could see in that my friends were not on the stage, to scan the crowd and catch the eye of our longtime friends, who smiled and came out to give happy hellos on the sidewalk, and bring us news of our luck - we hadn't missed a thing, right on time in fact, even a bit early.  Look at all the people we know in here, and while he's the youngest, mine is not the only kid in the place, there are several, whom we all know, and all belong to the band.  One of two who belong to my friend is even old enough to drink at the bar with us now, its own kind of joyous heartbreak, that bittersweet aching that is enlightened life.

They played super, like the moon.  Bad Dog.  Round and full and growled and fur, naked and smoky and Joe.  Down with it, dirty, like inside your mind.  Shake it out, dance with it, I turned it all the way up and got it on.  The boy held on and got up in the madness, my brave little soldier, seeing what he can see.  I let it muck me about and turned with it, grasping on and shooting it out around me, joining them in, working it through, being part of it.  It was somehow sublime.  The music the guitar and the drum make have always caught me, and I really dug the singer, need to hear more of the bass to know it, but wow.  Groove-diggity, fantastic.  Full on under the supermoon...yeah!  Wanting more.

Oh, so tired after many long hours, back to the house for the sleep on the mat on the floor, all still abuzzing at 4:30 in the good times, attempting to bring it down and be with it, ground and rest.  The morning will hold its own challenges, and sleep sleep  sleep...


  1. (KDS via facebook)
    That post has an awesome, lyrical quality to it. You should write novels!

  2. Sounds like you had a good time! I love your writing in invited me in and I felt your journey! You are not a bad mom... Zev was also with friends and loved ones and I am sure is well recovered!


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