kicking the social validation feedback loop

so I got really mad at facebook recently, and decided to cut the cord.  I joined Mastodon and MeWe, but there's only three people I know on either of those platform who came over from 'fakebook', but aren't really being active on the newer boards.  I unfriended a bunch of people, too - I only had 231 friends, but I cut it down to 162, which still seems like a lot.  or maybe not, I don't know.  some people have thousands of online friends.  I feel like I should get off social media completely, not necessarily join two more platforms, but it is nice to keep in touch with people far away.  I just want to do it somewhere else, now.  if I can't move my physical location, why not my online one...and my inner location, as well.  where do I need to be?

I know where I don't need to be - around people who question my values, or insult my choices, or people who can't seem to honor the Sacred in me.  I don't want to be in a place where people are overly concerned with their own egos, make a grand big deal out of every little move they make, or hold themselves up as some kind of authority figure based on falsehoods.  I have absolutely no tolerance for racism, bigotry, prejudice, xenophobia, ethnocentrism, androcentrism, misogyny, or poor manners (among other things).  am I perfect?  hell no.  do I screw up?  definitely.  do I correct myself when I make mistakes?  damn straight I do.  one of my biggest pet peeves is people who don't immediately apologize when their poor behavior in relation to the previously mentioned issues is pointed out - you know, those folks who say things like, "well, I didn't mean it like that", or "I didn't mean you", when they should be saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings", or "my understanding of that issues is obviously incomplete, and I thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn more about how to address it better".

I guess I just want to live in a liberal utopia where I don't have to put up with people with opinions so very different from mine, and I guess I tried to make fakebook that kind of online oasis for myself.  for the most part, I managed it pretty well, because when a glitch did happen to appear, all I had to do was click on that 'unfollow' button, and in extreme cases, the 'unfriend' button.  given the world we live in - or rather, the world I live in - it's good to have a place where you can connect with other folx like you who understand the particular implications of moving through the world with the same identifiers/generational traumas/genetic memories/oppressions as you.  it makes things easier when you don't have to explain why 'this thing that someone said or did made you feel a certain way', and to be supported through unpacking whatever it was that messed up that moment of your day, or changed your relationship, or made you have to decide to speak your truth, or stay silent to keep your job.  if anyone reading this has lived with the privilege of never having to deal with anything like that, I think it would be nice if you sent all the money in your wallet to your local homeless shelter, or to me personally (leave a comment, and I'll happily share my PayPal).

so what's got me all in a twist this time?  if you pay attention to the news at all, you can't really have missed the stories about the 'social media giant's' latest scandal involving not just data harvesting, but the illegal use and manipulation of said data to affect outcomes on the 'world stage' of deep politics, the workings of which are barely even known by the majority of the population.  influencing election results?  breaking up the European Union?  tracking immigrants for deportation?  multiple legal violations?  spreading hate and unrest towards refugees fleeing war-torn countries?  what business do they have, as corporations, in any of this (guns)?  more billionaires, protecting their billions while exploiting the masses (weapons of mass destruction).  but everyone is So addicted to their 'dopamine-likes', they don't even care to see the larger implications past their kids' photos and info being 'harvested' along with their stupid check-in to the local latte shop.  again, egoists - it's about More than just your silly little life, So much more, and many can't even see past the end of their own noses to bother being bothered.  I find that attitude reprehensible, and personally unacceptable.

as a result of this latest social media circus, I decided I needed to move to a 'decentralized federation of independently operated servers running free software', and I did just that.  never mind that I don't 'know' anyone over there, or that the few of my friends who came with me aren't even trying to make it work, or promoting the use of these alternative spaces, OR (and this is a big one) that any of the supposed 162 'friends' I have on fakebook don't even notice I'm gone, or care to connect via other means.  given that realization, I am happy to have committed the modern equivalent to 'social seppuku', because fuck people to whom I am only a number, or a 'follower', or some kind of ego-boost in the form of inflated self-worth connected to arbitrary numbers on a website.  sure, I could go around and 'friend' every shmuck on the internet, too, but I care less for quantity, and a great deal about quality when it comes to interpersonal connections.  I don't need followers; I like to have people willing to engage in deep and meaningful conversations with me, actively involved in my life 'in real time', and forming true community. 

while I am rather disappointed that more people in my carefully curated online sanctuary haven't chosen to make a larger collective statement about how much bullshit they are willing to overlook for the sake of their quizzes and memes, what pisses me off more are those who cynically say 'crab in the bucket' type nonsense like "you'll be back in a week."  like the globe will stop spinning for me because I'm not on fakebook anymore?  like I have nothing to do with my life but sit around and digest the content of others non-stop or cease to exist?  by god, I didn't 'check in' anywhere this week - I Must be Dead!  again, I'm pretty sure the people who say those things are the larger part of the 'out of sight, out of mind' contingent on my own 'friend' list.  the people who are just there to pay service to a past they are unwilling to let go, even though the relationship has no significance to their current life, and wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire.  what investment could they possibly have in my being nebulously connected to them online when they wouldn't make the effort to get in touch with me if they were 300 feet from me, rather than our usual 3000 miles apart?  to me, honoring the friendship we once shared looks like 'I live in the East, you live in the West, but I'm out West, so I not only let you know I'm in your vicinity, I call you to make plans to share physical space while I'm close.'  guess what?  I have Real friends who Actually do that - and I love them deeply for it.  true friendship and connection...a special kind of blessing.

while it may be hard to quit social media, so was quitting smoking cigarettes, and I managed that 7 years ago, so there's no reason to think I can't do this, too.  it may take some time, as there are people who Don't actually check in every day, and I do want to take the time to get alternate contact info for the folks I Do want to stay in touch with, as well as try and convince a few more folx to join me elsewhere on the interwebs, if they can see their way to 'what's next' rather than 'what we're used to'.  one of my friends described me as a pioneer almost 20 years ago because I make a habit of going where I want, when I want, for reasons all my own, which is something he seemed to think most people don't  do, choosing instead to settle into a location, and put roots down there.  I laughed it off as he described me as someone who seemed to him fearless and intrepid, adventuresome and dynamic, who could adapt myself easily to different cultures and climates, and as such, had opportunities to interact with a wider variety of people than the average American (I was never an average American, from the moment of my conception in the Middle-East, to my first trans-Atlantic flight in-utero that brought me to be raised in this country where I've never felt fully at one with the descendants of the white people who colonized it long ago).  in any case, I've made my decision, my proverbial bags are packed, and I'm making a change in my life that may seem drastic to some (like I care), but is of great importance to my personal development during the coming year.  

for my fakebook 'friends' who are reading this, do join me on Mastodon or MeWe - it will be nice to connect with you in a different online forum than the one I was so reluctant to join in the first place.  I knew it was a bad idea to get involved with it when I signed on, but over the years, I grew complacent as well.  no more of that.  time to pay the piper, and check out 'what comes next'.  much like our political system, we've been deceived into believing our choices are much more limited than they are - it turns out, they are not.  we have options.  let's make it a point to explore the other games in town.

what are your thoughts and feelings about this so-called scandal?  how did you feel when you heard the news?  did you make any choices or decisions based on the information you learned?  how do you stay in touch with people near and dear to your heart that are physically far removed from your main locale?