Thursday, February 10, 2011

Warning: Adult Content

So, I was visiting with the neighbors the other day, and the male of the pair decided to play his new favorite song for me to introduce me to the kind of music he listens to - yeah, it's rap.  Now, I have nothing against any form of music, even if I don't like it, but I've heard some really good, inspirational, deep and moving social commentary in the form of rap, and by comparison, what the neighbor played was nothing of the sort.  HowEVER - having said that, I must admit that the VIDEO that went with the song was very...arousing, and I haven't been able to concentrate on anything for days.  So much so, that I had to write down the fantasy my mind constructed around it just to get it out of my head!  It sort of worked...I've been able to think and do things that don't involve sex for a few minutes, now, but it's also that time of year that my sex drive tends to rev itself right up, and send me spiraling into juicy daydreams of free love and frequent couplings.  I'm not talking about love, here, kids, I'm talking about sex.  If you're easily offended, or a prude, stop reading now - I don't know how messy this is going to get, and you may even need to get yourself a shwag towel if you choose to continue, but I'm not making any promises.

Sex is sex.  Sex is not love.  I am in no way confusing one for the other, and neither should you.  I have love in my life - my child, my friends, they love me.  Sometimes I even think my family loves me, but there's no confirming that, so I leave it out.  Right now, I'm not having any sex.  In fact, I haven't had sex since New Year's Eve 2010.  That's a year and two months, which is a long stretch for an old hellcat like myself.  The last time I went this long without sex, I had just had a baby, and was too busy to think about anything besides diapers, breastfeeding, laundry and sleep.  I had sex a few times during my pregnancy, and by the time my boy was a year old, I had found myself a single dad to play with - score!  Unfortunately, the guy decided he would rather be an asshole than in a relationship - but he was a fantastic lover (for me) and I still think fondly of the time we spent together in the sheets.  My physical attraction to him was/is so powerful, that I often use his likeness as the subject of my fantasies, even though there's no way in holy hell I'd ever be with a guy like him again - this attraction, as I said and at this point, is purely physical.  He wasn't relationship material, and I not only slammed that door, I bolted and chained it as well.  So what set me off on a jean-creaming porn frenzy?  The hot dude in the bad rap video closely resembles my erstwhile lover, and depicts the sort of 'fuck me 'til it hurts' approach we unmade our beds with after our respective little angels had played, eaten, bathed, and gone to sleep.  Ooh, those nights...

...anyway, in the interest of doing something with my days other than watching crappy rap videos and movies featuring skinheads having sex, I wrote down and added this new fantasy to the list of short stories I keep in the folder marked 'Porn', and attempted to get on with my life.  Here I am attempting - how am I doing?  Yeah, not so well.  I'm still visualizing the guy in the video, my old lover, another well known actor, and a lesser known porn-star too many times per day, making me all too aware of the impending rutting season.  Mama needs some blue eyes and a buzz-cut, STAT!!!  Give him a few tattoos and put him in some leather, while we're at it!  Oh, I need to calm down again, I almost typed the word 'Harley'...oops.  Needless to say, I looked up my horoscope to keep myself off (sorry, not gonna put in a hyperlink, copy and paste if you can't bring yourself to type it) - what?  What do you do?  Think about baseball?  How very 1950 of you...  Here's what it said:

{When some Westerners hear the term "tantra," they think it's a New Age codeword for lavish sex. But in its original form, tantra is a philosophy that advocates spiritual union with all of creation, not just erotic union with an attractive partner. Tantric practitioners might engage in metaphorical "love-making" with lizards, birch trees, clouds, toasters, rivers, and quirky friends, among other wonders. I recommend that you experiment with this perspective, Aquarius. I bet you'll find that cultivating lusty compassion for the entire world will enhance your personal intimacy with the people you care about. Happy Valentine Daze!

What advice would be useful for your love life? Not this observation by The Simpsons' creator Matt Groening: "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." Do not, under any circumstances, make those your words to live by. Instead, consider the following counsel from Norman Mailer: "Love asks us that we be a little braver than is comfortable, a little more generous, a little more flexible. It means living on the edge more than we care to."}

...umm...Come On, Lusty Compassion!  Better than cultivating ice weasels.

Oh, and I highly recommend Rob Brezsny's amazing horoscopes, they're the only ones I read!


  1. Ummmm! Since we share a horoscope sign I guess that is mine as well... Must need to investigate this "Tantra" I have been more into the outdoors and nature again lately. I have also been desiring an adventure or road trip somewhere.. But, now that I am working two job it would have to be a weekend short adventure... Life is weird right now I work M-F currently and now my husband is working S-Th with one Sunday a month off... Lot's of time to explore new and old parts of me... Thanks for this post Mir! ♥


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