It's the day after Thanksgiving, one of my least favorite holidays, for one reason or another, and I'm trying to remember what track I was on, so I can get back to it. It seems I've been lost under moving boxes, piles of laundry and exhaustion of late, and even though I could probably put my head down on the desk and fall asleep right now, I wanted to get something out that has been kicking around my head for a few days. Remember when my mom threatened to sue me for custody of my child for no good reason recently? Remember how I moved out of the county just to get away from her and the rest of the toxic members of my 'family'? Remember how I said I'd never move back to NY because these people had so traumatized me in my youth? Well, they haven't stopped tormenting me just because I moved away - again. The nasty emails keep coming. The horrible phone messages still end up in my voice mail. The one I got yesterday went like this:
"Hello, my darling and beautiful grandchild, I miss you! I'm so sorry your mommy won't let you come see me on Thanksgiving! I love you!"
Now, I have no problem with The Bitch loving and missing her grandchild, but how can she possibly blame me for not 'letting' him come see her for Thanksgiving when she never invited him in the first place? And seriously, did she think he was going to answer my cell phone, have a quick chat with her about it, hop in the car and drive himself down there for dinner at 3pm? What a sick and twisted thing to do. I made it clear to her, many times, that all she needed to do to begin the healing process was to apologize for threatening to attempt to take him away from me, and she refuses to respond to my very reasonable request. She just keeps on sending nasty emails, leaving hateful messages, and continuing to blame me for keeping my son from her. What a freak. Anyway, the point of all this is that I was talking about this message and the sick mind behind it with a dear friend, who asked why I had even listened to the message in the first place. Her take - just delete it. Don't respond. Step out of her game completely. To that end, she suggested I delete all the emails I save in a folder on my hard drive, and all the ones on my cell phone as well. I have been saving them in the event that I need them for evidence in case The Bitch ever really does decide to come after me for custody - to prove she's nowhere near sane enough to care for a child, and that she has been harassing me without provocation for several months now. It's not even a question. No matter how fucked up I may be, I take good care of my kid. My friend told me it would reflect poorly on me for having saved them, would make me look vindictive, and in the event it ever actually came to a court case, The Bitch would quickly bury her damn self with her nonsense, without the cruel text messages for proof. Ultimately, I agree with my friend, and think it would be cleansing and freeing to do so - but just before I hit that delete button for good, I thought I would ask anyone who may be reading this blog to weigh in with their opinions. So, my friends - what do you think? Keep said messages for evidence just in case? Or dump them and be done with it? Delete any future messages before reading/listening as well?
I am thankful for many things, but besides my kid, I am most thankful for my dear, sweet friends whose guidance and insight I trust to help lead me to the correct decision. Thanks for reading, I love you - and thanks in advance for your advice.
Peace ~
p.s. - I just realized I never really filled my 'blog audience' in on the particulars of my decision to move. Due to exhaustion, and my desire to put it behind me, here's the short version: my mother went ballistic on me one day a few months ago because she didn't like the way I agreed to take my grandfather to his doctor's appointment. Words were exchanged, mostly extremely ugly and untrue words coming from her, to which I responded as cooly as I was able, until she threatened to sue me for custody of my son on the grounds of 'mistreatment and endangerment'. I asked her to please refrain from contacting me again, changed my phone number, and moved to a new apartment. She got the new number somehow, and continues to harass me via email and the occasional voice or text message. Both my brother and my grandfather have sent similarly ugly and accusatory messages - my grandfather I responded to (unkindly), and my brother I have not responded to at all. I have not heard from either one of them since. Sometimes I respond to my mother, mostly I don't. I'm just trying to move on with my life, with my son, in a supportive environment, with love and intention. That's all. Thanks.
(from OBB, via facebook)
ReplyDeleteLawyerMe says: keep everything! You can set up your email to route it into a folder without you ever seeing it.
RegularMe says: hugs to you and ignore all future correspondence for your own sanity.
(from PB, via facebook)
ReplyDeleteSave those messages, they are necessary to the defense of your child. I'm so sorry to hear about this craziness =(
(from RDE, via facebook)
ReplyDeleteI agree that you have to save them to protect yourself and your son but I like the idea to have them routed directly to a separate folder so you don't get emotionally ambushed.
Hang in there xox.
You save all of that it is your only proof. Big mistake to delete it.
ReplyDelete(from TRT, via facebook)
ReplyDeletethis is so hard when it is family. but these people have to be somebody's familiy.stop setting yourself up in the way that you are expecting someone to b e what they aren't, a sane person ...to be rational. It is very hard to take a kid away from a mother without evidence. if there is no evidence of you being an abusive or unfit mother, which I know that there is not, then don't worry about it. stand your ground, protect yourself, maintain your dignity and do not engage in childish games. I would take the folder, tuck it away somewhere and forget about it. I wouldn also not let zev alone with them until he is old enough to not be taken away. aside from that rise above and understand who they are. who are they to turn your life upside down? fuck em.
(from NLE, via facebook - *edited* to protect the not-so-innocent)
ReplyDeletesave EVERYTHING. Emails, voicemails, snail-mail having anything to do with this issue, and document conversations in a private journal. I'm not kidding. You may never need it, but you and your son will suffer if it ever comes to something and you have not covered your ass. Trust me, it will not reflect poorly on you or make you look vindictive in court--it will make you look smart and prepared and like you are not playing games and that you take any threat regarding custody of your son SERIOUSLY. Your family may be full of hot air and just fucking with you, but don't underestimate the consequences of not covering your ass or placing false faith in the idea that truth and justice always prevails in court. She may never get custody but she could stir up enough shit to fuck things up for you and your son and put him on the CPS (child protective services) radar and then they will be like herpies in your life.
Yeah, it may be "cleansing" to hit the delete button, but it is not smart. You don't have to engage them or bathe in their shit, but unfortunately, you do have to play the game--quietly and intelligently. Trust me on this. I spent thousands of dollars for this advice when I divorced *my ex*. There have been a couple of times when I have considered "cleaning the slate" when things are good and we are getting along, but I have realized that doing so would be the ultimate idiocy on my part and without fail, things eventually cycle back to unstable and he makes some threat--either implied or direct (did you know he and *a past girlfriend of his* were plotting to get the kids from me back when they were together? seriously, you just NEVER know what people are up to or capable of!) and I feel relieved knowing I have covered my ass very well over the past few years and will continue to do so--no matter how friendly he and I get or how much he "changes". This is my philosophy: I'm always open to forgiving and letting go and clearing out the poison put in my heart--but it stays on my hard-drive. lol.
Save the messages! It is vindictive it is you watching out for you and your son. As sad as it may be today you save everything just in case...
ReplyDelete