Shabbat New Moon in Virgo Shalom

what do I even have to say anymore?  that I can't stand most people?  I think it's pretty apparent if you know me at all, or read this blog, though I'm not sure I've addressed it here.  so let's address it now!

1.  I'm tired of people who don't work, don't try to work, or contribute to their community in any way.  when I was raising my child as a single parent, I definitely needed help making ends meet, so I had to rely on social services (and child support payments) to keep a roof over our heads, and food on our table.  that said, I still worked, tried to work, and/or contributed to my community in various ways.  I didn't have family to rely on, though while my mom was still alive I could usually count on her to put a $50 bill in my annual birthday card, which I usually spent on myself because it was the only boost I would get for the year, and if we can't take care of ourselves, even if only in some tiny way, we can't take care of others.

2.  I'm done in with all the various 'diagnoses' and mental health challenges that people claim are preventing them from working, trying to work, or contributing to their communities in any way.  there are plenty of 'neurodivergent' folks out there who are making a living doing one thing or another without making their issues their whole personality.  I firmly believe that I exist somewhere on that 'spectrum' as well, but I've never been tested/poked/prodded to find out where, and at closer-to-60-than-50 at this point, I really don't care.  I manage to get along as best as I can, and that's good enough for me.  do I find it frustrating at times to not really seem to be able to 'get ahead' in this world for one reason or another?  you bet your bippy - but I've also learned that having a label to attach to my issues doesn't really offer any benefits that matter, or further my goals, so why bother?

3.  I don't care for people who use alcohol as their main source of 'fun' or release.  there's nothing wrong with a glass of wine/beer/liquor or two (or even three), but if it's all night every night - or worse, during the day - I think it's a problem for you, which makes it a problem for me.  by all means, drink your meals, boo boo - just don't expect me to join in, hang out, or want to be around you at all when you do, and probably not when you don't, either.  I have been a chronic pot smoker for much of my adult life with the exception of the times I couldn't afford to buy any (like now), and I don't feel the same way about people who indulge in that habit as I do about people who drink.  prejudice?  maybe.  but there's a certain kind of overindulgent pot smoker that I don't like, either.  again, if it's your whole personality rather than just one aspect of who you are, it gets a bit...much.  but like with alcohol, if you can indulge responsibly, we're probably good.

4.  I CANNOT STAND liars!  I don't appreciate being lied to, for any reason.  I would much prefer to hear a hard truth than to catch someone out in telling me something they think I want to hear.  and I will find out the truth, one way or another.  history has shown me that I can easily find out on my own if I dig just a little bit, or simply wait it out for the Universe to reveal, eventually the lie will be brought to the light, and I will distance myself from the source of that dishonesty.  

5.  I like people who are smarter and more well-adjusted than I am, though they don't usually care for the uncompromising mess that is me.  I can play along for awhile, but not for long, and eventually they will get bored of my issues, just like I'm bored of the issues of the people I no longer have patience for, so it all evens out in the end.  I used to know this guy who said the standards I hold people to are so ridiculously high, that no one can expect to tick all the boxes, and I should just get used to being alone and/or lonely.  I said that was fine, and it mostly is, because I do enjoy solitude/my own company, though it would be nice to be able to make friends a bit more easily, and keep them longer.  but the reason my standards are so high is because I'm tired of being hurt by people who lie, cheat, choose a party lifestyle over one of substance, live inside their own personal issues, or live off of others without making any attempt to contribute to their community.  

having recently moved to another country, I've been a bit fed up with only having the opportunity to interact with other recent immigrants with the exception of the folks who work in the stores I shop at, drive the buses I ride, or run the agencies I've been to in order to find work.  there are those who say I need to go to synagogue on Shabbat to meet people, but the synagogue most of the people I've met attend is for 'Anglos' who are inherently more religious than I am, and are probably not 'my people' anyway.  but you have to start somewhere, right?  the High Holidays are coming up, and while I don't think I'll be able to attend services ($$$), it might be nice to find myself invited to someone's Shabbat table sometime.  so, I keep 'meaning' to go to temple of a Saturday, but have yet to get there.  it's hard to make myself walk somewhere I don't really care to go during the the hottest part of one the days I get to enjoy the solitude of my apartment in the relative quiet and calm of an otherwise busy and loud corner of my city.

what brought this bitch on is the folks I find myself connected to on social media.  used to be, my fakebook feed was populated by people I knew and hung out with on a regular basis, or met during my travels.  or at least folks I was acquainted with through shared interests or academic connections.  but due to the rising antisemitism in the world, or perhaps the antisemitism that's always been lingering just beneath the surface of all my relationships, that online circle got much, much, smaller very quickly after October 7th, 2023.  so I tried to repopulate my feed with 'connections'...people who seemed cool in my other friends feeds, folks who left comments that made me laugh, or in some cases, people who reshared my posts without even knowing who I was.  problem with that is, we don't really have anything in common other than our Jewishness, and a shared love for Israel.  not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I seem to have ended up with a feed full of people whining about their disabilities, and where they are in their transitions, and I'm kind of over it.  uh oh...did I say that out loud?  well, I'm sorry, but it's true.  I am honest to god missing cis/het people in my life who have jobs that they go to on a regular basis, and simply vent about their issues and move on, not make it their whole story all the damn time.

there are people I've been connected to on there for years that have played the part of being my friend, with no actual commitment to the role, or follow-through on their part.  I did recently meet up with a few folks I met on there, and it was lovely - those folks I have no issue with.  there's one person who did invite me around, and I believe they meant it.  but then I had (yet another) bad day that I bitched about, and this one particular person sent me a message in an attempt to connect, which was kind of them, but they were someone I had been considering disconnecting from because their posts were not anything I found interesting, and didn't necessarily want to be confronted with constantly in my feed.  dude wants to be female?  go for it.  I don't need pictures.  chick wants to be a man?  go for it.  I don't need pictures.  I'm willing to accept people for who they are, whoever they tell me that is, but enough already.  at this point I'd prefer to connect with cis/het people like myself, and not have to hear about every damn flavor of human out there.  just be who you are, boo, and stop shoving it down my throat.  I mean, I'm not out here posting about being cis/het every damn day of my life - it's just not all that important.  

and I don't want to hear about how your anxiety is preventing you from getting a damn job, and forces you to live off of your generous family members.  pull up your panties and do something other than be a parasite.  if I can do it, so can lots of other people who are leaning too hard into their 'disabilities'.  or that you did sex work that you hated to earn a living once upon a time.  guess what?  I didn't like working at the video store, or the overnight shift at the 24 hour store, or as a janitor, but I Had To Pay My Rent, so I did the damn thing until I found something better, and it wasn't a husband/wife that paid all my bills for me so I could sit around and write poetry about the angle of the light hitting my designer furniture.  where's the accountability?  there are people in the homeless shelters I worked in trying harder than that, with less education and opportunity, and doing ok for themselves.  I knew a woman who had her hand chopped off and sewed back on who worked her ass off at every opportunity to keep herself off the streets.  respect, girlfriend.  it was tough out there for her.  it was tough out there for me too, with both my hands, and I've been out there enough to know I don't want to be out there again.  I guess some people haven't had to live on the streets for long enough to learn that lesson...or at all.  lucky them.

this isn't a rant about ALL disabled people, or gay or trans people, or single parents, or what have you.  it's about people who I've interacted with enough to know that I don't have an awful lot of respect for the ways they appear to be living in the world, and that's my prerogative.  I don't have to like everyone, I don't even have to like every Jewish person, or even every Israeli, but I do have to like myself, and in order to do that, I have to be honest about who I want to connect with, and how.  if you don't want to be my friend after reading this, then so be it.  is it my loss?  maybe.  depends on who doesn't want to be friends anymore after reading it.  there are plenty of gay people I love and respect.  there are plenty of folks with disabilities that I admire - some I've even worked with.  I'll bet there are trans people out there that I could get along with, too.  some cis/het people suck (lots of them do).  I'm just in a place where I need more women who understand the particular issues of having been women our whole lives.  or men who are feminists while still being manly men who aren't misogynist pieces of garbage.  folks who know what an endocrine disruptor is, and did their best to avoid them, along with other environmental dangers.

it is part of my soul's purpose here to make sure each and every one of us on this planet together is cared for, and gets everything they need, to the extent of my abilities, and I'm aware that in this 'window' of setting intentions, it is important to choose my focus wisely.  as we enter the 'wormhole' of eclipse season, we should expect chaos and transformation - and the ability to get back up from whatever happens to knock us down.  so maybe this is just my way of clearing the decks so I can tap into the hope and optimism I want so badly to connect with in the world that is also on offer just now.  while we may be headed into a complex maze of rising emotions, we are also being given an opportunity for healing, integration, and repair.  an astrologer whose work I admire speaks of planting seeds with faith, which is something I love to do, and do often.  the one picture I'm sharing in this post is of my latest sprouts, which are from a seed pod I picked up off the sidewalk, and planted, with only the vaguest idea of what they are (I think they're the seeds of the trees that made the gorgeous flowers whose petals would stop me in my tracks with a desire to paint their likeness, even though I'm not a painter).  alpha and omega, my friends.  selah ~

 

not a great picture - there appear to be seven little sprouts poking their heads through the soil, and I wish them the best of luck.  I will replant them as soon as I have more containers for them.

💙

Shabbat Aquarius Full Moon/Lion's Gate Portal Shalom

in order to prepare and perform ritual tonight for the full moon, I'm immediately stuck, thinking "what can use to cleanse my aura before, or use for anointing myself after?"  and then, "I know I have homemade rose powder in my altar box (along with an aura cleansing tool), it's just not accessible at the moment!"  frustrating.  so I go out to the meerspeset to see if the moon is visible in the sky, and There She Is - appearing in a break in the clouds, and as always, taking my breath away.  there.  I can just cleanse my aura in moonlight, and use fresh, clean, moon water for anointing myself after I've done my ritual.  we make do with what we have in the moment, yes?

 

so I fling my arms out wide and facing east, turn myself around in the moonlight to the south, west, and north, opening myself up to - and inviting in - all the loving energies flowing around and through me.  I ask them to help remove all energy and emotion that isn't mine, and doesn't belong to me, so that I feel uplifted, my heart open, and the energies I want to work with can move freely through me.  I thank them for joining me as I endeavor to stand in my own light.

to cleanse and prepare my space, I light my Shabbat candles and use my regular, everyday broom to sweep the meerpeset while envisioning a glowing, healing light charging the area with loving energy, peace, hope, and positivity.  I sing a little 'thank you' song about cleansing my space with love and gratitude as it begins to feel magical and protected.

 

 

taking my bowl of water in both hands, I state out loud the things I would like to release, clear, and receive some clarity around in my life, such as anger, resentment, and more mundane issues pertaining to my flow of financial abundance - or lack thereof - this month in particular, and in my life in general.  I then sit with my candles and bowl of water, in my protected space, and once again call to my ancestors (and others) to help center and ground my energy while connecting to my Higher Being.  I bring my hands to my heart and speak to that energy center in my body, and to my third eye, so that I may be better guided by my insight and intuition in my meditations.

 

opening the case where I keep my tarot cards, the first deck I see is the Thoth deck, which feels just right for tonight's reading.  settling back into my lounge chair under the light of the full moon - and the energy of the lion's gate portal - I begin to shuffle...awkwardly.  this deck is still new to me and I've hardly used it since I got it because it's slightly different from the more popular and well-known decks, and requires (in my opinion) more study to be properly understood.  so as I'm feeling the cards slip through my fingers from one hand to the other, I get a 'jumper', which I don't always work with.  since my hands are small, I have several ways that I shuffle decks, and there are times when a card will align awkwardly, or slip out of place, so I'll just tuck it back in and keep on shuffling.  this one dove all the way under my chair, face up, so I set it aside and went on with my shuffle until I was satisfied, and drew a card.

 

 

10 of Wands.  curious.  and the jumper was the Princess of Wands.  even curiouser.  

the 10 of Wands in the Crowley/Harris deck is called Oppression, and indicates that one has become detached from their spiritual sources, and that no matter how much force is used (implying too much force has already been used), it cannot be brought to bear on the situation at hand.  feeling trapped where we can't experience life the way we want, with the flames having run rampant from lack of understanding, devouring one's self from within.  failure against a strong opponent, revenge, cruelty, malice, and injustice. 

the Princess of Wands is considered the Earth aspect of fire - two elements that tend to strengthen each other, yet this pairing is considered combustible, implying this Princess has a reactive personality.  she is associated with the 'whims of the body', or the 'animal soul'; considered to be turning her back on the mundane to follow her passions and inspiration.  she is energetic, vital, enthusiastic, and courageous, in no way afraid to express herself.  she tends to be ungrounded, and subscribes to her own brand of justice which can run towards vengeance and cruelty.  having that tiger by the tail can indicate setting one's self free from old fears and patterns by bringing them to the surface and conquering them, usually learning these lessons 'the hard way'.  she represents the silence to which all things return, and is considered both permanent and non-existent.  consuming all that come into her sphere, she is Lilith; the dark, mysterious Feminine, and her body is the fuel of the Sacred Fire. 

wow.  that has a lot of deeply personal meaning for me, which I will - believe it or not - keep to myself.  but if you know me...you may, as they say, Know.

 

 

I let the water sit out overnight to absorb all the good moonlight it could, and just before dawn, I thanked it for soaking up the things I wished to release, clear, and gain clarity on while my intentions begin to weave themselves into the fabric of my life in a peaceful, calm, and loving way.  I released those intentions from the water, and returned it to the Earth by pouring it through the drain in the meerpeset to run into the ground below to purify it.  

skipping the anointing as I already poured out the water, I once again brought my hands to my heart center and third eye while repeating the mantra 'I am love, I am loved, I radiate love'.  there happened to be some lime seeds hanging out in the bowl I used for the moon water, and before I poured it out, I took the seeds out of it and set them aside for planting.  we'll see how that goes.

Shabbat Shalom, and Blessed Be! 

Shabbat Summer Solstice Shalom

today feels important.  it needs marking, attention paid to it.  there hasn't been any community for me around solstices and equinoxes in years, and as such, it's been harder to hold on to as a social holiday.  like everything else we eventually shed, it seems to be the rituals and traditions we manage to keep close that end up defining us.  or maybe just me.

I had wanted to make a point of being out on the meerpeset at around 8, 8:30 this morning to adjust the rosemary so it was right where the sun first touches the ground to mark the clock of my current habitat, but my sleep schedule has been wonky due to alarms and bomb shelter runs, so I was up around 3 or 4 this morning, but fell back asleep until around 10.  no worries, I can catch that tomorrow.  it's just about noon, though, so I want to see what I can still do today.  I've had some ideas, so I thought I'd share.

 

 

 

my first thought for the day is usually 'bonfires', and while I don't have a space to build and burn a bonfire, I can do a little something something with candles.  god help me, but instagram was where I went first...no, that's not true...I did an internet search of 'summer solstice rituals' and was quickly unsatisfied with the results and remembered that on insta, one can find these cute graphics that are excellent quick reference guides.  I looked up @animamundi first, and will share their info-square below, but @thewitchoftheforest was more what I wanted, so I shared hers first.  

I haven't unpacked any of my crystals or stones because I simply have nowhere to put them at the moment.  there's still no furniture, and the damn table I was so happy about in my last post collapsed already, so I have even LESS space to put anything.  so frustrating.  anyway...the one rose quartz that I think I can access is a little ball at the end of a silver hair stick, and as silly as it may be to wear 'fancy jewelry' to sit around the house and maybe mop the floors, maybe it's important, too.  and I'm doing a small ritual with some storm water, honey, lemons, ginger, turmeric, candles, grapes, and rosemary, and crowning myself with the fancy silver hair stick for the solstice (even though gold would be more appropriate).

  

 

the few things I do have in a special dish on what is usually my altar came from the sea, so they don't feel like the right things to put out in the noonday sun.  I will incorporate them into whatever I've gotten up to when the moon is overhead.  for now, while my ritual items are baking out in the Israeli sun, I'm cooking a nourishing meal for my Sabbath Bride.  I was napping when She got here, tired from my day of babysitting a new pair of kiddos.  they were adorable, and exhausting, and after I got home, I just zoned out for awhile until the alerts went off right around dinner time...so it was down to the bomb shelter, after which I went straight to bed in case we were in for a busy night.  so when Shabbat arrived, She just slipped into the bed with me, and inhabited my dreams.  She didn't mind that I didn't light the candles, say the prayers, or fix a meal.  and She helped me figure out how to honor the Solstice by creating a simple altar from what I had.

 

 

 

 

on the kitchen counter, there was some rosemary that was drying in a glass dish, and I filled the dish with water and put it out on the altar as well.  then I started preparing the meal.  it turned out that I had bought a different kind of chicken than I thought, so I put all of it (a pound and a half?) in a pot with some olive oil, and sprinkled it liberally with a specialty salt mix, pepper, paprika, turmeric, oregano, and parsley and let it cook through.  I was reminded of when I was a kid, and liked to mix up various substances in the bathroom with playful joy, and hoped it would turn out ok.  once it was cooked, I threw in some carrots, celery, and garlic, then poured in a packet of chicken noodle soup I had mixed with water in a bowl, and let it simmer while I made a big salad to go with it the stew when it was done.  when the salad was ready I served up a bowl of stew, and ate it in front of the altar, followed by the salad.  they were both delicious, and my Bride is pleased. 

 

 

since it's the Solstice, Shabbat can stay later than any other day during the year, and I'm taking advantage of that by not worrying about 'getting everything done' before sundown.  my Shabbat Bride knows I'm currently messy and struggling, and She's also willing to put up with me while I figure it all out.  even if She doesn't get to stay for my whole ritual, She will still be part of it, and will be honored by it.  time is relative, and an extra soul does as an extra soul chooses.  the bathroom floor will get mopped eventually, the day needs magick.  so, it's time to bring in the fruits and things that have been charging all day in the sun. 

I skimmed off the top layer of honey and stirred it into the rosemary water, where I also squeezed in the juice of the two lemon halves.  the whole lemon went back in the fridge for tea later, along with the grapes (not for tea, for eating).  the lemon seeds were planted, and the ginger and turmeric were sliced up to dry for tea; the sun-charged storm water was added to the rosemary/honey/lemon wash.  after a nice rest out on the meerpeset (with an ice pack) I caught a buzz before getting ready for that purifying shower I've been looking forward to all day.

 

rosemary snowglobe!

 

 

 

in the shower, I anointed my third eye, throat, heart, solar plexus, sex, and the base of my spine with my Solstice solar rosemary lemon storm elixir, then poured some of the liquid down my front and back.  it felt invigorating and smelled wonderful!  after my shower, I put what was left of the ritual water back in a jar, lit my candles, and prayed over my bread and grapes.  then Shabbat left, and I offered Her a dark chocolate square with orange bits for the road, which She gladly accepted.  I didn't end up finding the moon before I slept again; I think she might have been a very slim crescent in the very early hours of the morning, and it's a bit cloudier than usual...we'll see. 

 R E D   A L E R T

  

 

ugh.  bad hit in Tel Aviv.  no bueno.  

 

 

well, I didn't catch the moon last night, but I did catch the sun this morning, and it looks like the rosemary is in just the right spot.  I shifted it to the left about 3/4 of an inch because I'm particular, but that is the spot where the sun first hits my meerpeset on the (morning after the) Summer Solstice.  and the ginger and turmeric are drying, and I made a delicious brunch from last night's chicken and salad.  since the war seems to be escalating slightly, and Homefront Command has tightened the restrictions again, I don't think I'll be going anywhere today, but as always - we'll see. 

 

 

enough cleaning got done for it to feel like I did something, and I may do more, if I don't fall asleep first.  as much as I want to repair or replace my table, now I'm fixated on getting a clothes rack so I can hang up my shirts and dresses already.  I'm tired of the suitcases and want to feel more like I live here.  everything costs, though, and I haven't been working due to the conflict/s.  all I can do is take care of myself and see that I'm being nourished on as many levels as possible.  remembering to visit with the Shabbat Bride on this Summer Solstice is one way to support my spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental health.  

 

  

  

 

 

I flipped the mattress, too, so I'm looking forward to taking another nap here, soon - though I'm also trying to stay active so as not to get completely out of whack with time and schedules.  I'm hoping things go back to 'normal' quickly.  Blessed Solstice, welcome to the dark half of the year, and as those of us in the Northern Hemisphere swelter through summer's heat, remember that the wheel is turning towards autumn, and let your mind rest briefly on what's to come, and how to plan for it, as far as we can plan for anything.  much love ~