how long have I known about the significance of the date 12-21-12? I don't know - but I remember thinking that my kid would be around 8 years old by then. I also remember being 8 and thinking about how old I would be on that date. I remember thinking about the number 8, and learning that the Native Americans had some cycle of 8's that I couldn't explain to you now, any more than I could explain why 12-21-12 is significant, but that's just the way it to goes. here's the way it went for me:
in the months approaching the Solstice, I felt really restless in my body. I generally get jumpy in the fall, and I've lived here/in this town/in this apartment for awhile now, so...it was tear my hair out weather to begin with, and then all the crazyness of the Earth in her cyclical death throes, in more ways than one, creating rustles and ripples through my own vibrations...crazy dreams, crazy waking life, crazy experiences, mind-blowing weirdness, incredulous non-belief. the searching for reason, the knowing I'm in a world beyond all that, on my own. inside all of that, I know there is 'something special' approaching - that there are people in mediataion all over the world, that my Rainbow Family is 'Om-ing it up' in Palenque, and there are random solitary practitioners of whatsis and allthat out there who all have been tuned in and turned on, and I've been riding their high. it's been making me really tired, and really hungry. my body seemed like it couldn't get enough protein and sugar. it feels like I'm trying to keep myself here on this plane for fear of going flying off to who knows where without a map to get back, and I needed to stay as grounded as possible in light of this latest Ascension, if you will...
some seriously fucked up shit happened in America last week, as it did all over the world, and I've been ignoring it so I can focus on the astrological/spiritual/magical aspects of what's going on Universally just now, and I'll come back to all the other stuff once I feel like I've fully integrated myself into a certain solidity, as I still feel plenty woggy from the 'trip'. the need to eat was a bit overwhelming, as I'm used to fasting during a big spitirual journey, but hey, I went with it. I get it though - I've been so spacey, had I not eaten so much, I might well have passed out a few times...I've felt like half my being was sitting in meditation in the Old Place I used to get to when I really got down with all that, and my waking life, but that the gateway by where I used to sit was having an unheard of influx of traffic...it's been quite hectic.
naturally, given the sheer volume of 'presences' in the vicinity of my previously quiet gateway, I thought I'd go somewhere a bit more secluded, to raise my vibration a bit. I cast a circle in a cleared space, and enlisted the help of some supernatural travel aides, so I was not surprised by how quickly it took for the air to spasm around me as I connected out with the All-Oneness, the rare enigma of time grown spacious, even as one becomes more rapid and insistent within it. fists clenching, ready to hurl myself bursting through the doorway to the Next, the gateway to the arch that leads to the corridor, on out to the pathway - the whatever is coming, the dancing towards rainbows, the good energy, the sunshiny happy goodness...but I didn't get there.
well, I got there, but I also got slammed back to Earth with a bad case of the whiskey and cigarettes. not literally, I don't smoke anymore (and I don't drink whiskey), but I had that "drinkin' Chivas Regal in a $4 room" kinda blues, electro-hued, and relentless. desperate and ugly...like I've always had after a good party, but brighter, more positively manic, and juicy, playful even. I could hear it giggling, but in a smokey alto, with the jingle of silver in it. but I'm sore in every muscle, like from a high fall, and the Universe is running rough hands over oil across my skin, and teasing me with imaginary dance partners while I burn for them, and wonder when I'll be ready for another lover...in the meantime, I still feel like I'm coming down, slowly, and readjusting to the gravity of 'this' world. I feel pinned to my bed, but unable to lie in it.
I'm hoping the ride comes to a stop before I puke, I don't have the stomach for these sorts of things anymore. glad we made it to the light half of the year, though, the promise of 'outside' can lift many a weary spirit this season, or maybe that's just me - I tend to hide indoors once the sun begins setting at 4pm and earlier. I'm still in my hibernation period, and as I'm human, I never fully get to realize my need for a seasonal withdrawal, and I should probably pay more attention to that in the future. in fact, I'm going to bed right now, I'm exhausted...I feel like I've traveled light years since last week, and my body has rocket-lag or something. all those g's sure do feel like a kick to the head when you come down, and there'll be so much work to do when I wake up ~