Monday, December 3, 2012

Sunday Whirl 85



85


first I like to type out all the words to feel what's there, and have a list to cross out so I know which ones I've used:  affair wax forlorn manic clash hewn sand desire find fuse drive fork.


this time, I thought I might try grouping the words to see if any of them seemed to work together for me - here's is what I came up with:

desire forlorn affair manic clash

drive fork

fuse wax sand

hewn


I left 'find' out altogether, and I didn't figure it out until after I finished the poem (which is heavily formatted and may be destroyed when I hit 'publish', we'll see):


this desire, this...

                           forlorn affair -

manic clash that drives them,

like the time she had set a candle in a dish of sand,

and it had melted all the way down.

she drove a fork into the fusion of wax and sand

'to save her bowl', she told him.

but he would find, in the way she worried the utensil

                           back and forth, back and forth

that her need to compartmentalize simply, everything

was hewn directly from her ancestral tree,

and would worry him

                            back and forth, back and forth

until he split -

                        like the bowl,

torn asunder

            by the force of her desire.


and finally, to change the eighth line from 'but he saw, in the way she worried...' to 'but he would find, in the way she worried...' and I'm done!  fun.  I like the way that one rolled out - oh, but now there's still the formatting issue to check when I preview/publish the post, so...

...looks good.  linking up and commenting, then going to make the rounds.  oy, Monday...too bad I feel like crap and just want to go back to bed, because I simply can't.  too much to do, holidays approach!  lots to get done!  more more more!  aaahhh!!!

24 comments:

  1. I read this three times, once to see it, once for comprehension,, and once for the sheer pleasure of the words. Beautifully done.

    I also make a list, but I didn't try grouping the words.

    I see this poem through the lens of my WHIRL entry, which, for me, gives it a special twist.

    I suppose the word AFFAIR is what will DRIVE many of these entries.

    Cheers!
    JzB

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    1. thanks, you're very kind - I liked yours, too!

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  2. I really like how this ended up. Sounds like theirs was a painful affair..all that toing and froing with the fork. Looks like you had fun though, reads like you did too :)

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    1. thanks, I like where it ended up, too. and it went there pretty much on it's own, so it was an easy write!

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  3. MP, I love the formatting in this, it lends itself nicely to the writing. Excellent.

    Pamela

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  4. Yes, some of our 'traits' are born to us. I like this piece very much.
    I too have issues with formatting, but sometimes we are lucky when it works.

    Yes my wordle this week is part of the larger story that you can find here:
    http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/p/word-list-story-or-as-whirl-turns.html

    You do not have to read it at all or all at once. I started with word lists and now I'm up to and over 30 pages.

    Thank you for your visit to my story verse. I have not yet written another non-story verse piece with this list...but I might.
    Feel better!

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    1. thanks for the links and the kind words - I'm feeling a bit better, now, and hopefully even healthier tomorrow!

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  5. I love your wordle. The use of "find" was genius. Sometimes it works out that way.

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    1. it was fun finding a place to sneak it in, and it did work out quite well, thanks!

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  6. This has such a strong, powerful feel!

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  7. Love the back-story of how this came to be ... grouping the words is something I haven't tried as a pre-trial but something I might now ...
    it turned out so well! Great poem and I like that you jockeyed the words and the form around until you had it the way you liked it ... very cool. Truly.

    http://thepoet-tree-house.blogspot.ca/2012/12/ecstasy-driven.html

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    1. I've never written a backstory before, but it felt right for the post - the same goes for the grouping. I guess it all just fell into place today, isn't it nice when that happens? thanks for your visit!

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  8. I so closely feel this poem .. almost as if I was the lady being talked about here !

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    1. I think I've been on both sides of this relationship at different times in my life, too. thanks for visiting!

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  9. I love the formatting, and the chatter. Your banter is friendly and honest, and your poem is excellent. The image of the candle in a dish of sand is my favorite.

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    1. thank you, Brenda - so nice to get positive feedback!

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  10. This is wonderful, The candle in the sand is quite an image.

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